


as if pain has no past

by literallynoonecares



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Universe, Cunnilingus, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Visions, Light Angst, Loss of Virginity, No Pregnancy, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Praise Kink, Stormtrooper Rebellion, TROS does not exist, Vaginal Sex, World Between Worlds, one soul one brain cell, rebels and clone wars mythology abound, this is my episode IX
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:40:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 19
Words: 66,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25920712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/literallynoonecares/pseuds/literallynoonecares
Summary: the only thing the darkness loved was the lightorIt’s the fact that they’ve been charged with bringing balance to the Force and they don’t even know where to begin. Mostly because they can’t begin to know what to do with each other.Bad blood may always run deep, Rey thinks.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 136
Kudos: 142
Collections: Reylo Hidden Gems





	1. chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve incorporated a lot I love about Rebels and Clone Wars, because I rewatched them recently. You don't need to have seen them to get anything. BUT, If you have not seen them, I highly recommend. I think they’re the best Star Wars canon we have. 
> 
> Finally, the title is from a film that is near and dear to my heart - Wings of Desire directed by Wim Wenders. It’s beautiful and touching and there is a monologue that reminded me so much of Rey and Reylo that I had to include it at the beginning.

__

_“As if pain has no past. All the people I’ve met who’ll live on in my head. It always stops just when it’s starting. It was too good to be true. Out in the big city at last, to find out who I am, who I’ve become. Most of the time, I’m too aware to be sad. I waited an eternity for someone to say a loving word to me. Then I went abroad. Someone who’d say “I love you so much today.” That would be wonderful. I look up and the world emerges before my eyes and fills my heart. As a child, I wanted to be on an island. A woman alone, gloriously alone. Yes... that’s it. Empty. Incompatible. Emptiness, fear, fear, fear, fear. Like a little animal lost in the woods. Who are you? I don’t know anymore. But I do know, I’ll never become a trapeze artist. One of those unexpected decisions you hold on to. Don’t cry! No way! Crying is out of the question. These things happen. It’s just how it is. Things don’t always turn out the way you’d like. So empty.”_

Wings of Desire (1987), dir. Wim Wenders

💥💥💥

Ajan Kloss had more green than Rey can imagine. But it reminds her of Takodana, which reminds her of Ben, and then reminds her of the _Supremacy_ \-- she tries to push the thoughts of him out of her head. It’s not worth it, she tells herself. It’s in the past. He was the one to say let the past die, wasn’t he?

It’s been a few weeks since Crait. It seems like everyone else has fallen into a routine except Rey. She reads the Jedi texts and runs training courses, but can’t concentrate. Her conversations with Finn, Poe, Rose and everyone else feel hollow. How can she still feel _so_ lonely surrounded by tens of people?

Everyone expects too much out of her, she comes to realize. She’s the last Jedi. She’s the Resistance’s last hope. It’s too much pressure for her. Their numbers have dwindled after Crait, and everyone looks to her for inspiration. She doesn’t know how to tell them she’s not the person they think she is. She doesn’t even have anyone to train her. 

Ben’s words from Starkiller Base ring in Rey’s ears -- she _did_ need a teacher, and nothing she currently did felt right. She’s all alone, and she always will be. But he made it clear he’s not Ben anymore, didn’t he? She refuses to accept it. She refuses to believe Ben Solo is gone forever.

Her thoughts flitter to the memory of her parents leaving her on Jakku -- they didn’t want her. It’s difficult for her to concentrate on anything except for the fact that everyone who has loved her has abandoned her. She finds herself wishing she took Ben’s hand more often than not. Would she be happier? She wasn’t sure. She wasn’t sure of anything right now. 

Rose tries to include Rey in everything; which Rey appreciates because sometimes she feels like she’s a part of something. But then guilt seeps through and Rey wishes she could run away. 

Poe never notices how she’s feeling. He keeps prodding at her, questioning her progress and wanting action plans. Finn tries to explain to Rey that Poe means well -- he just expresses in care through work ethic and making things happen. The Resistance doesn’t have a lot of leaders left and Poe is someone everyone looks up to. He has to be this way.

Rey wishes she understood. And she wishes they’d understand that she’s not the girl they think she is. Not only does she not have any training, the dark _calls_ to her. She wanted to see what was in that cave. She knows she’s used dark side techniques. Half of the Resistance was already terrified by the Force. What would they think of their last Jedi if they knew? 

  
💥💥💥

  
Kylo goes back to the _Finalizer_ after Crait with a renewed sense of dread and longing for something he never even had. 

He leads with a purpose and an iron fist. He can’t have anyone rebelling against him. He knows Hux doesn’t trust him. He knows the Knights are skeptical of Snoke’s demise. Kylo can’t give them a reason to disobey. 

He resists the slight call to the light he feels. Which he thinks must be Rey, he’s sure -- but he tries to resists thinking of Rey. He tries to resist how much he wanted her to take his hand. He resists thinking of Han Solo and Luke.

Kylo has to survive. He has to win. If he doesn’t, Han’s death would mean nothing. Kylo couldn’t bear to think of that possibility as he sits in countless meetings with First Order Generals. Instead, he focuses his efforts on training. 

His forms are refined and he pushes himself to the brink. Cardo tells him he needs to stop, lay off the extremes -- but he refuses to. He has to be ready for anything. 

And pain is instructive anyway, isn’t it? Isn’t that what he’s told himself since he was a teenager? Isn’t that what Snoke ingrained in his brain? It’s the only way to survive. He doesn’t trust all of the Knights -- especially Ushar and Trudgen who he sees side-eye him constantly, especially when Kylo gives any sort of order. They don’t trust him. They don’t think Rey could have killed Snoke. He knows they want to kill him, and he has to avoid confrontation at all costs.

  
💥💥💥

  
Weeks into the Resistance’s arrival on Ajan Kloss, a holovid is sent to the entirety of the holonet showing Rey as a wanted fugitive for killing Snoke. There’s a high bounty on her head -- wanted dead or alive. Rey tries not to react when this happens. She clutches her quarterstaff so tightly in her hands she thinks it might bruise.

“That’s the highest bounty besides the General. Good job, kid,” Poe says, clapping her shoulder. 

Rey forces herself to laugh and nod along with the rest of the crew. 

She tries not to think about how betrayed she feels by Ben.

Leia pulls Rey aside, asking to speak about this in private. 

Rey finds it hard to breathe as she steps into the makeshift office for the General. 

“I wanted to speak with you alone, in hopes I may get the truth,” Leia tells her. 

Rey swallows. _Oh, yes. Your son killed his master because he was about to kill me and then he asked me to take his hand and rule the galaxy with him_ doesn’t seem like it’ll go over well. She should have thought of a better cover story. She should have guessed this moment would have come sooner rather than later.

“I didn’t kill Snoke,” Rey says maybe too quickly. Leia quirks an eyebrow at the response. 

“Who did?” 

“Ben,” Rey states.

“Ben as in--“ Leia clarifies. 

“--Yes, your son,” Rey cuts her off. 

Rey regrets for a minute calling him Ben. Should she have called him Kylo Ren? He did make his choice and maybe doesn’t deserve to be called Ben Solo anymore. Rey wonders if she had called him Kylo maybe she could have avoided the inevitable next question. 

“Why?” Leia asks, and Rey can tell it’s a genuine curiosity and a sort of hope. 

“Snoke was going to kill me. Snoke wanted Ben to kill me. He killed Snoke instead. To save me, and free himself,” Rey explains. She feels herself talking too quickly and turning red. She hopes Leia doesn’t notice.

“Why would he care if Snoke would kill you?” 

“When I was on Ahch-Too, he started appearing to me. We were connected through the Force. I saw his future. I saw that he would turn. I had to go to him,” Rey reveals. 

“Are you still in contact with him?” Leia asks, suddenly serious. 

Rey recognizes it’s because if she’s still in contact with him she could potentially jeopardize the entire Resistance operation. Rey’s thought of this, too. But she shut the door on him. Rey knows that shutting a door doesn’t mean it’s closed forever, but she would sure as hell try.

“No. I think the bond broke when Snoke died. He created it. He bridged our minds,” Rey says. 

“Okay,” Leia says and Rey knows she’s thinking ten steps ahead. She’s processing and figuring out everything before Rey can even process her own emotions. 

“Do you really think he can turn?” Leia asks, more reserved. 

“I’m not sure anymore,” Rey says plainly. She hides the words _I hope so. I wish I had done more. I wish things could be different with him. I wish I could have taken his hand_ , and guards them deep in her mind.

“Rey, you’ll tell me if he gets in contact with you?” Leia questions.   
  
“Of course, General,” Rey nods. 

“Now, let’s discuss what to do with you. I haven’t trained as much as Luke, but I do know the Force. I’m happy to help you as much as I can,” Leia flashes an encouraging smile at Rey. 

“Thank you. I would appreciate that,” Rey replies. 

“Go to bed, Rey. You look exhausted,” Leia instructs her. 

“Goodnight, General.”

💥💥💥

  
Rey lies in her bed and tries to sleep, but it feels fruitless. She hasn’t had a good night’s sleep in what feels like forever and it’s catching up to her. She feels weak and wishes she could just turn off her mind. She realizes she’s let her shields falter when she suddenly feels Kylo’s presence in her quarters. 

She shoots up, eyes wide -- and finds him sitting on crates on the opposite side of her room. 

“I didn’t mean to let the shields fall,” she says coldly. 

“I figured,” he replies. He sounds dejected and Rey suppresses the part of her that begins to regret her tone. She shakes it off.

She looks at him for what feels like an eternity. It’s only been a few weeks since she saw him last, but there are dark circles under his eyes and he looks haggard. 

“I haven’t been sleeping well,” she explains. She feels it’s necessary to tell him why her shields fell. She wants to be clear that she didn’t choose to see him. She does not want to see Kylo Ren. They both made their choices on the _Supremacy_. 

“I understand. I haven’t, as well,” he doesn’t look at her. He doesn’t intend to make her feel bad for abandoning him. But it still hurts him all the same. 

Everyone has always left him, and he thought Rey would be different.

“I don’t have anything to say to you,” she lies back down and turns her back to him. 

Kylo doesn’t respond. He pulls out a holopad and begins to read. He stays silent until the bond pulls them apart. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Kylo throws his holopad across the room once he sees the holovid of Rey. It’s too late to confront Hux, but Kylo’s so fired up he can’t sleep. 

Hux knows Kylo would never put a bounty on Rey’s head, let alone dead or alive. Perhaps that’s why Hux did it, because it would catch Kylo in a lie. But even so -- Kylo is the Supreme Leader. Nothing like this should have been approved without him knowing, especially for a bounty that high. If he refused to have a bounty on Rey’s head, that’s tantamount to treason against the First Order. He would have to explain that Kylo needs her alive. If someone brought her in alive at least he’d be able to protect her then...

He’s stuck and he knows this is what Hux wants.

He’s certain that the way Rey acted tonight was because she thought he put the bounty on her head. He had hoped she would know he would never harm her. _Couldn’t_ harm her. Something was holding him back every time they fought. He could tell she felt it, too.

💥💥💥

  
“Hux. You cannot release a bounty that large without my authorization. I am the Supreme Leader. You answer to me,” Kylo confronts Hux the next morning.

“Would you not have set a bounty, sir? She killed Supreme Leader Snoke after all,” Hux almost sneers. 

Kylo knows Hux doesn’t trust his story of the Throne Room just like most of the Knights -- how Rey escaped, killed all the Praetorian guards herself, and left Kylo unconscious. 

“The bounty is fine. I need her alive,” He says firmly. 

“But sir,” Hux begins. 

Kylo holds up a hand and chokes him with the Force. 

“I need her alive, Hux. She knows too much. Change it now,” Kylo commands and lets Hux go. 

“Yes sir,” Hux coughs. 

Kylo turns and walks away, instructing Mitaka to follow up on this and report to Kylo on the status of the bounty every afternoon. Mitaka nods and says yes.

  
💥💥💥

  
At the mess hall the next morning Kaydel comments on Rey’s lack of sleep. Finn concurs, and they encourage her to take the day off. 

“You can celebrate just being wanted alive,” Rose jokes. 

The change in bounty came this morning. Rey instinctively knew Kylo made that happen. She wasn’t going to exactly thank him, but something brewed inside of her.

Rey smiles at Rose and nods in silent agreement and leaves the table after she finishes eating.

She runs off into the woods and finds space to meditate. She tries to channel the Jedi of the past to gain guidance for what to do. 

Instead, Kylo Ren appears in front of her. She feels his Force signature and groans. She keeps her eyes shut tight, trying to will him away.

“How’s meditating going for you?” He asks, bolder than yesterday. She hadn’t even _thought_ about shielding him since last night. His presence last night was an aberration, and now she faces the consequences from the distraction.

Rey opens her eyes to find Ben closer than she thought. She keeps herself steady and tries not to jump at the proximity.

“It would be better if you weren’t here,” she scoffs.

“I didn’t know about the bounty. If I made them get rid of it, Hux would try me for treason. I made them change it so they have to bring you in alive,” Ben says, picking up on the undercurrents of her current distrust for him.

Rey blinks up at him, unmoving. She says nothing. Deep down she knew that he wouldn’t put a bounty on her head, but hearing it confirmed makes her stomach flip. 

“I heard. I suppose you want a thank you,” she replies. 

She realizes then how she can’t hide anything from him, but somehow she isn’t scared of that. He’s the only one who has ever understood her. He’s the only one who has made her feel whole. She shakes off the thoughts, reminding herself that they’re on opposite sides of this war and that they can’t move past that. 

“No. I don’t expect you to thank me. I just wanted to tell you that,” he says. 

“Okay.”

“I don’t know why you pushed me out,” Kylo stands firm.

He looks at her, expectant. She doesn’t say anything.

“By the fire, I thought we...and then after Snoke...” He speaks in a voice so small Rey feels like it doesn’t belong to him. He trails off, unable to finish his sentence. He’s sure Rey understands why. 

“You asked me to give up everything I care about, Kylo. _Everyone_ I care about would have died. Your mother, even... And you called me nothing. You ordered them to shoot down the Falcon while I was in it,” Rey wills herself to control her emotions. She tries to keep everything in check. She won’t show how vulnerable she is -- how sad she still is because of Kylo’s words on the _Supremacy_.

Kylo sighs. 

“You stopped calling me Ben,” he notes. 

“That’s all you got from that?” Rey asks, a bite searing through each word. 

But she has to admit to herself she called him Kylo on purpose. She couldn’t give him power over her.

She doesn’t shield it well enough and he sees the thought float through her mind. 

Her breath catches but she stays silent.

“I didn’t know you were in the Falcon. I wouldn’t have...” Kylo pauses. He collects his thoughts, not wanting to say anything wrong again. 

“You aren’t nothing to me. I told you that. You were projecting it so hard. You were the one who put that thought into the bond at first. Just like...” _Just like the fact that you still care about me. Just like you don’t want me to have power over you but you don’t realize how much power you have over me, cyar’ika._ It goes unsaid, but Rey can still feel it.

Rey looks down. She didn’t want to admit that he was right.

“In the cave, you said all you wanted was to be something. And you are to me. You always have been. I meant that part. Since before we really met on Takodana. We’ve had visions of each other our whole lives. You can’t ignore that, Rey. I wish that you would have taken my hand. You still can,” he adds hastily. 

“You can still come back here too,” Rey retorts. 

“No I can’t, Rey. I can’t go back to my mother. And the Resistance would execute me,” Kylo looks off in the distance, and Rey wonders for a fleeting moment if he can see her surroundings. Her thoughts must have been loud because Kylo quickly says -- 

“I can’t see anything past the forest.”

“You don’t know they’d execute you,” Rey relaxes a bit. 

“You don’t think the Resistance would execute the Supreme Leader of the First Order? You’re lying to yourself.”

“So you are the Supreme Leader now? We didn’t know if it was true,” She asks, eyebrows raising. 

“Yes,” he says and looks away from her again.

“You got what you wanted,” she observes. 

“No, I wanted something new. I wanted you by my side. You wanted to take my hand, too. I know you did,” he looks at her this time, his eyes forcing hers to hold a gaze. There’s a lot that goes unsaid in his words. 

“Heavy is the head that wears the crown, eh?” She asks sarcastically. 

He practically _glares_ at her.

“I couldn’t let my friends die,” she says, softer this time. 

The bond pulls taut and disconnects them -- Rey slumps down further and sighs. 


	2. chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But you told her I killed Snoke to save you?”
> 
> “I did. It felt unfair to lie about that. Everyone else...they think I did it. I’m a hero, or something. I don’t know. I feel like a fraud.”
> 
> “You’re not a fraud. You don’t have to be anything you’re not, Rey.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> posting this a little early because i'll be on a camping trip thursday-tuesday. wish me luck haha!

Kylo sits in a meeting with his Generals and his mind keeps flittering back to Rey’s words before they were pulled apart. 

“Supreme Leader, what do you think of the plan for the Wild Space expansion?” General Pryde inquires. 

Kylo snaps out of his daydream. 

“I’ll need to review the proposal further before I make a decision,” he says quickly. He learned that from his mother, he thinks. If you don’t know the answer always ask for more time to review. He’d heard her ask for that more times than he could count. 

“As you wish, sir.” 

“We need to discuss Crimson Dawn. They’ve made a resurgence on Cantonica according to our intelligence. They practically run Canto Bight now,” Hux says. 

“What are their demands?” Kylo asks. 

“Demands?” Hux responds. 

“Yes, what do they want? Why are they back?” Kylo clarifies. 

“I’m not sure,” Hux says. 

“Find out,” Kylo instructs. 

“Yes, sir,” Hux tries not to roll his eyes. 

“And don’t bring up topics in the future without having enough information,” Kylo adds. 

Hux nods and turns red. 

Kylo holds back a smirk, satisfied he’s irked Hux enough to be embarrassed. 

General Parnadee begins to speak about the mining colonies when Kylo feels the bond thrum around him. Rey appears on the opposite side of the room. 

_Not now,_ he says into the bond. She stays quiet and surveys what she can see.

“Generals, we will resume this later. I have an important holo meeting to attend to. Please vacate the room and we will continue this meeting tomorrow,” Kylo says rather loudly. 

“But--“ General Parnadee starts. 

“Leave,” Kylo commands, forceful.

The Generals exchange glances, but no one says anything. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” Rey says once Kylo relaxes in his chair. 

“I wish we had some sort of control over this,” Kylo replies.

“Me too,” Rey sits opposite him. 

Kylo thinks how _right_ it looks to have her in this room. How right it would be for her to be leading next to him.

“What if one day you pop up in the middle of a Resistance meeting? Or if I’m at the dining hall?” Rey asks. 

“I’ll just stand there quietly and you can ignore me,” he says. 

“You will?”

“I think that’s the best either of us can do since we can’t control this,” he shrugs. 

“What if you hear information about where we are?” 

“Rey, don’t you know by now that I don’t want to cause you any more pain?”

Rey pointedly ignores his question. 

“Can we promise that whatever we find out in the bond we can’t use against each other?” She asks.

“Okay. Could you hear the officers, anyway?” Kylo asks. 

“No, I couldn’t,” she replies. 

“Interesting,” he nods. 

He’s so much like his mother, she thinks to herself. Gathering information and processing everything faster and more intuitively than anyone else in the room.

“Why do you think this is still happening if Snoke died?” She asks. 

“I think Snoke probably lied about creating it,” he looks down. 

“Then how did this happen? _Why_ did this happen?”

“I don’t know, Rey. I think it’s beyond either of us. Why have we had Force visions of each other for forever?” 

She didn’t have a good response. She always just thought they were dreams. She’s come to understand now that they were Force visions, but Ben had always known that. He’d always have that advantage. 

“Can you help me research? I have some of the Jedi texts but they’re so difficult. I just want to know why this is happening,” she says frustratedly. 

“I’ll try,” he says. 

“Thank you.”

“Is it late where you are? You look tired,” he points out. 

“So you don’t know where we are?” 

“No. I have Mitaka giving me daily reports on the status of the Resistance and your bounty,” he says. 

“Oh,” she doesn’t know what to say. 

“No one--“

And the bond cuts off. 

💥💥💥

  
Rey runs the training course with her quarterstaff and nearly screams in frustration when she keeps missing targets. 

“It’s okay, Rey,” Leia attempts to soothe her. 

“It’s not, General. What will we do when we need to fight? I need to fix the lightsaber. I need to have a lightsaber,” Rey throws her quarterstaff to the ground. 

“I don’t disagree with you, Rey. I made a lightsaber once, but it was under Luke’s guidance. I don’t know much,” Leia admits. 

Rey shuffles her feet, kicking dirt around.

“Perhaps it will be my downfall,” Leia sighs. 

“I won’t let that happen. I’ll read the texts,” Rey says. 

“I will help you as much as I can, Rey. But you might want to meditate and try to connect through the Force,” Leia responds.

“I’ve been _trying_ ,” Rey groans. 

“Maybe with this renewed purpose it’ll be easier,” Leia almost laughs. 

Rey keeps from rolling her eyes. 

“Go on, BB-8. Go with the General. I’ll be here for a while,” Rey leans down to the droid. 

He beeps and follows Leia as she leaves the training area. 

Rey takes a deep breath and walks over to a flat rock and resumes a meditation position. 

“Be with me,” she chants. 

She wills herself to stay calm and stay as long as she can. She spends hours meditating. 

It doesn’t work. No one comes to her. She sat for hours for _nothing_. She gripes in her head about how stupid this all was. She clearly wasn’t a Jedi. No Jedi came to her. No one cared.

When she opens her eyes, she sees an owl flying through the air. She thinks it’s actually a convor -- she’s seen pictures of it before. She wonders what it’s like to be free like that. Sometimes she feels like she traded the desert prison of Jakku for a forest prison on Ajan Kloss. She senses a strange pull to the convor -- like the Force is almost willing her to see it.

💥💥💥

  
Kylo takes off his newly constructed helmet and winces as he takes stock of his injuries after training. 

Cardo waits for him at the door to the training room. 

“Go ahead,” Kylo instructs. 

“Trudgen and Ushar seem to just be getting angrier with your presence, my Lord,” Cardo tells him. 

“I’ve noticed,” Kylo says, gesturing to the stab wound on his thigh. 

“Ushar has always been good with a knife,” Cardo points out. 

“Yes,” Kylo agrees. 

“Be careful, my Lord. I’m not sure what they’re planning, but I feel a disturbance in the Force.”

“I’m not sure it’s just them, Cardo. I’ve felt something as well and had a few visions. We need to go to Mustafar. Can you prepare for a trip?”

“Of course,” he replies.

“You’re excused, Cardo. Thank you,” Kylo says.

Cardo gives a curt nod and exits the training room. 

Kylo almost hobbles over to where the bacta patches are stored and gingerly applies them to his wounds. 

In a different world, a past universe, he’d be denied bacta. He traces scars that were avoidable. Scars that Snoke forced him to harbor, to remind him of his place. Resentment floods his every pore and he absentmindedly stares at the bacta patch on his leg for what could be hours.

  
💥💥💥

  
That evening he appears again -- she’s in the captain’s quarters on the Millennium Falcon. She can tell he recognizes her surroundings. She can tell he _feels_ the energy of the Falcon through their bond. She can feel his trepidation.

“I was working on the hyperdrive. I just needed a break,” she offers as an explanation.

“You don’t have to justify being there. It’s late where you are, isn’t it? Why are you still working?” He asks. 

“I wanted to distract myself. I wanted to feel useful, I guess?” She shrugs. 

“I get it. Control what you can control,” He says.

“Coming from the person who controls the whole galaxy,” she says in a way that makes Kylo almost wince. 

“I don’t,” he says. 

“You’re Supreme Leader,” she states. 

“Yes, but I have to fight with Hux to do anything I want to do. He wants death and destruction. He wants another Hosnian Prime,” Kylo looks despondent. It’s almost enough for Rey to feel bad for him. 

“What are you trying to accomplish?” 

“There’s been some uprisings in the mining colonies. There are some bad working conditions and I want to help fix it -- Hux wants them all to burn to the ground.”

“Oh,” Rey says sadly. 

“I’ve been trying to work on outlawing slavery -- or at least, enforcing punishments already in place. I don’t want the galaxy to be subdued just because they’re afraid of us. I spent too much time growing up with Leia Organa to feel that way, no matter how much Snoke tried to torture it out of me,” he admits. 

Rey realizes it’s the first time he’s said his mom’s name since they began talking to each other. Or that Snoke tortured him. She also realizes it’s the first time she might agree with him on something.

“She’d be happy to know you’re not the one destroying the galaxy,” Rey tells him. 

“If I can’t control Hux, what good am I though?” He says. Rey knows it’s a rhetorical question -- and she won’t answer it. She has a twinge of understanding and sadness at the self-deprecation of it all.

Wasn’t that how she was feeling about being the last Jedi, anyway?

“You should speak to her. Comm her at least, will you? I haven’t told her about...whatever this Force thing is, but I think you should speak to her,” Rey speaks softly, afraid to upset him. 

“It’s too late. I can’t go back to her. Especially not after...” He can’t bring himself to finish the sentence, but the meaning floats between them through the bond. _After I killed Han Solo. After I was the reason her brother died._

Rey shifts to one side of the mattress and pats the empty space next to her. 

Kylo stares at it and looks back at her. He inhales and sits down. He faces forward and doesn’t make eye contact.

“I never wanted this. I never asked for this. Snoke got into my mind when I was so young. I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want to be a Jedi, did you know that? I wanted to be a pilot,” he says. 

“I didn’t know that. I won’t force you to speak to your mom, but I know she loves you. You should have seen the look on her face when I told her you killed Snoke,” Rey says tentatively. 

“What did you tell her about Snoke?” He asks.

“The truth. With a few omissions, I guess.”

“Like me asking you to take my hand?” He ventures, turning his body slightly in her direction, trying to pick up on any clues. 

“Yes,” she admits. 

“But you told her I killed Snoke to save you?”

“I did. It felt unfair to lie about that. Everyone else...they think I did it. I’m a hero or something. I don’t know. I feel like a fraud.”

“You’re not a fraud. You don’t have to be anything you’re not, Rey.” 

“But I have to be. I’m the last Jedi,” she says. 

“You never asked to be a Jedi. You don’t have to be a Jedi to use the Force,” he points out. 

“I don’t want to be a Sith, either.”

“I’m not a Sith,” he corrects. 

“What are you, then?”

“Well, I’m a Knight of Ren, I guess. I don’t know. Not a Sith or Jedi, that’s for sure.”

“Can all your Knights use the Force?”

“Yes,” He fidgets with his hands as he remembers the events of the night that led him to become the master of the Knights of Ren. 

“How does Snoke fit in with all of this?” She asks. 

“He was in my head for a long time. Since I was born. He controlled everything,” 

“I’m sorry,” Rey says. 

“Don’t be. I didn’t try to stop it. I couldn’t, I guess,” he shrugs. 

“You killed him, Ben. Don’t forget that,” Rey says soothingly. 

“You called me Ben again,” he says. Something close to relief washes over his face. 

“When you’re not being an ass,” she jabs him in the arm playfully. It feels like the lightest moment between them in months, maybe ever.

“Few and far between then, I guess?” 

“Obviously,” Rey laughs and the bond pulls taught and disconnects them before they can say anything more. 

She turns toward the empty space on the mattress where Kylo sat and looks forlorn. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on [ twitter ](https://twitter.com/literallynooc)
> 
> and follow me on [ tumblr ](https://tumblr.com/myhandsdontscan) !! love y'all. comments and kudos appreciated as always :) i'll update again 8/29.


	3. chapter three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You don’t really have a right to care, Kylo,” Rey backs away from him. 
> 
> “Why do you blame me for making a choice when you did the same?” his eyes scan hers.
> 
> “Because you wanted to burn the galaxy down to save it. I wanted to save what we have,” she responds. She feels like her entire body is on fire. 
> 
> Kylo’s face falls slightly. He tries to hide it, but she’s staring at him so intently she catches it.

Rey shifts awake and realizes the bond was active -- Kylo’s awake, reading his Holopad. 

“Do you ever sleep?” She asks.

“I think we’re on completely different day cycles, Rey. The bond’s been activated for a while. I tried not to wake you,” he says. 

“Oh. Well, thank you,” she says a little stunned. 

“That was our agreement, right? Just try not to bother the other if it’s inconvenient.”

“Yeah,” Rey says, stifling a yawn. 

“If you’re still tired, you can go back to bed,” he says. 

“I’m okay. I need to finish working on the Falcon today anyway,” she replies. 

“It’s a piece of junk, Rey. You should just give it up,” he tells her. 

“It’s...it’s just something I want to do, okay?” 

“Okay,” he nods. 

“So what time is it where you are?” She asks. 

“I thought we weren’t going to do this,” he says coldly. 

“It was just a question,” she responds. 

“If I asked you that you’d be calling me a murderous snake again,” he replies. He’s not wrong and she knows it. 

“You don’t have to act so cruelly,” she tells him. 

“Has the Resistance changed locations lately? Are you still running? Aren’t you sick of it, cyar’ika? I could have given you so much more,” he says and it’s cruel. She stares at him, wishing she could pull her thoughts together to say something. All she wants to do is yell.

“Kylo--“

And the bond tears them apart. 

Would she ever get used to this -- the unsaid questions that they never bring up? Everything that matters hangs in the balance in the void of the Force and it feels like it’s weighing too heavily on her chest. 

  
💥💥💥

  
“We’re going to Lothal,” Finn tells Rey when she makes her way to the main camp. 

“Why?” 

“There’s some mining colonies out there that are starting to rebel against the First Order. General Organa said that in the war against the Empire that Lothal was a major player in the rebellion. We’re going to recruit,” Rose explains. 

“But why am I coming with you?” Rey asks. 

“Haven’t you been complaining about Jedi training, anyway?” Finn asks. 

“Yes, but--“ she starts. 

“So this will be good. We’re going to Lothal first and then a few other planets in the outer rim,” Finn smiles. 

“We need you, Rey. We don’t know what’s out there. There are rumors of some First Order strongholds. We might need a Jedi,” Rose tells her. 

“I don’t have a lightsaber. There’s a bounty on my head,” Rey deadpans. 

“But you’re still a Jedi,” Rose says. 

“I guess,” Rey shrugs. 

“You killed _Snoke_ , Rey. You can do anything,” Finn’s eyes are wide with excitement and awe. 

“When do we leave?” Rey asks, blatantly ignoring Finn’s statement. Her guilt about telling the Resistance she killed Snoke keeps bubbling up. She feels like she’s going to burst. 

“Tomorrow morning,” Rose says. 

“Okay,” Rey gets up from the table, “I’ll get the Falcon ready.”

Rey runs to the Falcon and finds it difficult to breathe. She doesn’t know why she’s stressed about this mission. It’s not because it’s difficult, it’s the lying about Snoke. It’s lying about Kylo. It’s not being good enough for anything. It’s the bounty on her head.

As if on cue, she feels the bond spring to life. She blinks away tears and tries to steady her breathing as he materializes in the middle of the Falcon’s lounge. 

It doesn’t take him long to take stock of her appearance and her frantic thoughts. He moves to her quickly, almost instinctively. 

“What happened? Rey?” He asks, concern flooding his face. 

“I’m sorry,” she manages to say. She still tries to fight back the tears. She doesn’t want to be this vulnerable. 

“What happened?” He asks again, more forceful. He wants to reach out and comfort her. He’s not sure he’s wanted though, and he doesn’t want to make this situation _worse_.

Rey breaks down. The tears flow and she curses her sudden lack of resolve. Why does her brain seem to misfire every time Kylo appears?

“Rey,” he says softly, eyes bright and almost on fire with worry. 

“I’m sorry,” she says again through sobs. 

“What happened?” 

Her hair falls in front of her face and he instinctively pushes it away. He lets his thumb wipe away errant tears on her cheek. It’s the first time he’s touched her since they were in the Throne Room on the _Supremacy_ and he tries not to shake.

“I don’t know -- Rose and Finn told me I’m going with them on a mission because they need a Jedi or whatever. I don’t even have a lightsaber. They said it didn’t matter, I still killed Snoke. I ran out and I just kind of lost it,” she manages to tell him. 

“Rey--” Kylo begins.

“--I told you before I feel like a fraud. I don’t know. Everything is just overwhelming,” she doesn’t let him speak and shakes her head. 

“You did fight the Praetorian guard with me,” he points out. 

“I did,” she says and sniffles again. Kylo reaches up once more to wipe tears away from her face and she shivers under his touch. He doesn’t remove his hand but instead cups her face gently.

“Where are you going, cyar’ika?” He asks. 

“You know I can’t tell you that,” Rey says sternly. She takes notice of him calling her cyar’ika again. The first time felt almost sarcastic, but this time? It felt intentional. It made her heart jump in her throat.

“What about bounty hunters?” He inquires. 

“I don’t think anyone cares, really. I think they assume I can take care of myself. Which I can,” she asserts as she stiffens against his hand. 

“I think you’re underestimating bounty hunters,” he tells her. 

“You don’t really have a right to care, Kylo,” Rey backs away from him. 

“Why do you blame me for making a choice when you did the same?” his eyes scan hers.

“Because you wanted to burn the galaxy down to save it. I wanted to save what we have,” she responds. She feels like her entire body is on fire. 

Kylo’s face falls slightly. He tries to hide it, but she’s staring at him so intently she catches it. 

“It’ll always come down to this and Han Solo, won’t it? You’ll never see past it,” he sounds so resigned Rey feels like her heart is being torn apart -- she thinks maybe it’s because that’s what he’s feeling and he’s just projecting it without noticing. 

It takes her aback sometimes, remembering how closely intertwined they are. 

“I don’t know, Kylo.”

“Please don’t leave the Resistance base, Rey.”

“I have to go. I don’t have a choice,” she says. 

“You’re so stubborn and willing to fight for yourself except when it comes to the Resistance. What about them makes you give up all you are?” 

“They gave me a home when no one else wanted to,” she speaks softly, tears welling up in her eyes once more. 

“I told you you weren’t alone and I meant it. Just because they gave you a home doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice yourself for them,” he responds. 

The bond starts to dissipate and Rey tries not to cry. 

  
💥💥💥

  
When they land on Lothal, Rey ensures her face is mostly covered. She hopes it’ll help avoid bounty hunters. She believes what she told Kylo -- she can hold her own, but there’s a part of her that knows he was right, too. She’d never admit to his face, though. 

The mission begins smoothly for the little it’s worth. They find some sympathizers and understand the First Order’s next moves regarding the mining colonies a little more. Rey wonders if Ben would have just told her about that, anyway. 

They’re being escorted to a secure location by one of their main contacts when they pass by ruins that call to Rey. It’s almost begging her to enter. She falls back and stops following the group. She doesn’t care that she’s left alone -- she has to find out what’s calling her to these ruins. 

She stops in front of them, investigating closely. She’s not sure if it’s in her head or not, but a building begins to appear. It’s rundown, almost crumbling. 

It’s an old Jedi temple, she realizes. A relic from a time past. Maybe she is a Jedi after all if this is calling to her, she thinks... 

Once she’s in the temple, she still feels a pull. It feels like the Force has her tied to a string, and she follows. She ends up in front of a mural and there’s a convor that feels familiar -- was that what she saw on Ajan Kloss? It was impossible, right? It couldn’t be the same exact convor. She moves closer to the mural, almost touching it when the ground begins to shake. It takes her a moment to gain awareness that the ground is moving, but then she _runs_. 

The temple starts to collapse around her and when she runs outside she’s met with two things: first, she swears to the Gods she sees the same damn convor flying overhead. Second, there’s clearly a bounty hunter waiting for her at the entrance of the temple.

She reaches for her quarterstaff and uses the Force to deflect blaster bolts. She charges at the bounty hunter and pushes him down with the Force as she hits him with the quarterstaff. 

She curses not having a lightsaber, but she manages to subdue them long enough to find Finn and Rose who she practically collides with. 

“Rey! Where did you go?” Finn looks panicked. 

“A Jedi temple. I think. I don’t know. It’s crumbling now,” she tells him. 

“Are you okay?” Rose asks. 

“A bounty hunter found me. I should get out of here,” Rey Forces herself to stay calm. 

“We still have to meet with Crimson Dawn,” Finn says. 

“You’ll have to do it without me. I can’t stay here. Who knows who he told,” she replies. 

“But Rey--“ Finn starts. 

Rey’s not sure what he says next because she feels the pull of the bond and Kylo appears to her. 

_I’m with Finn and Rose_ , she says through the bond. 

“You’re on Lothal,” he tells her. 

_Yes_.

“A bounty hunter found you and reported it,” he says. She can tell he’s worried about her. It’s practically buzzing through the bond. And if she was being honest with herself, she’s worried too. 

_I knocked him out and ran._

“There will be more coming. You have to get out of there. Now. I don’t care what you’re doing. It can’t be that important. Run,” he instructs her. He speaks to her similar to how he spoke to his Generals -- authoritative and final. She wants to ignore it, but she knows he’s right. 

_I’ll leave._

“Please. I don’t want you to be hurt,” Kylo pleads. 

_One time you tried to kill me, and now you’re begging me to be safe._

“And one time you let your shields fall and never brought them back up, cyar’ika.”

Rey doesn’t respond. Kylo smirks. 

“Rey! Were you listening at all?” Finn says and Rey snaps her attention back toward Finn and Rose. The bond breaks. She wonders if they’re getting better at controlling it -- or did the Force just always know when they needed each other?

“Sorry, I was just thinking,” she replies. 

“You can’t leave yet. We need you,” Finn tells her. 

She remembers what Kylo said before she left, about her sacrificing so much of herself for the Resistance. She takes a deep breath. 

“Okay. I’ll go with you,” she says. 

“Thank you,” Finn replies. 

“We have to go,” Rose tells them as she starts moving toward the door. 

Rey readjusts the hood and drapes her face with a scarf. She follows Rose and Finn to meet with Crimson Dawn. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Kylo and the Knights arrive planetside on Mustafar and Kylo feels a surge of darkness in the Force and heat on his skin. 

It doesn’t feel as _right_ as he thought it would. Since he found out about his grandfather, he craved making a pilgrimage to Mustafar. He thought the Force was calling him here. He steps off the ramp of their Upsilon-class shuttle and he barely has time to react to the change in the Force as they’re attacked by cloaked cultists. They’re practically feral, after being alone on Mustafar for months. 

Kylo ignites his lightsaber and slashes through them like it’s nothing. The Knights follow suit as Kylo leads the charge. Kylo feels the darkness rush through him and feels nothing but contempt flood his soul. The cultists scream and attempt to attack them but they’re no match for Kylo and the Knights -- they’re ruthless and strong and determined not to lose. Kylo has a basic awareness of the Knights in the Force and he feels when Ap’lek is struck in the arm by a cultist wielding a mace, but he pushes past that.

Kylo and the Knights leave a wake of men dead and injured on the ground, moving closer to Vader’s castle. With ease, Kylo slaughters the guards at the front of the castle. He enters and a cold wave washes over him. He’s spent so many years resenting his parents for not telling him about Vader, wishing he could find out more about his grandfather. Once he was with Snoke, all he wished for was guidance from his grandfather. 

Now that he’s in his castle, the energy isn’t what he anticipated. The dark side of the Force flows with renewed purpose, but it’s not in the ways he thought. He expected to come to Mustafar and understand why he felt called there, what his purpose was, to convene with his grandfather’s spirit. Instead as he walks the halls, he feels unsettled. Something is wrong. 

Kylo turns to find Ushar and Trudgen, with Ushar’s lightsaber ignited. He begins swinging it toward Kylo. Kylo tries to feel the other Knights in the Force and feels them all converging on the hallway. 

_A coup_ , he thinks. 

How poetic if I were to die in Vader’s castle, he thinks before igniting his lightsaber and beginning to switch his forms to offensive. He wouldn’t take this lying down. The rest of Knights arrive behind him and Kylo notices Cardo holding back, standing to the side. 

_At least I have one who doesn’t want to murder me_ , he thinks. 

He keeps his forms tight, not missing a beat. He deflects blaster bolts from Vicrul and dodges Kuruk’s lightsaber. He hits Ushar in the arm and Ushar screams, only egging Kylo on more. He wanted them to feel pain. He wanted them to feel the destruction he felt inside him. If they didn’t trust him, what good were they anyway?

Kylo throws Vicrul across the hall with the Force and hears a loud thud. He slashes at Ushar once more, making contact with his leg. Ap’lek swings the mace at Kylo and Kylo deflects it with the Force, pushing it back on Ap’lek. 

Trudgen practically rushes Kylo from behind, but Kylo ignites the lightsaber and pierces his heart. Trudgen drops to the ground, lifeless, as Ushar turns to look at Kylo. Ushar cries out and rushes Kylo, striking his side with a knife. 

Kylo barely reacts, not wanting to give Ushar any satisfaction. Kylo is relentless, he kills Ushar with a fatal blow to his abdomen and the rest of the Knights run out, unwilling to continue the assault. 

Cardo looks behind him as he runs out and nods to Kylo, who nods in return. Once they leave, Kylo steps over Ushar and Trudgen’s bodies, clutching his side. 

He makes his way down the hallway until he finds an empty room. He collapses and leans against the wall. He inspects his wound and tries to Force heal it, but the dark side energy is too powerful. It’s impossible to access the light side enough to heal the wound. He knows there’s a way to access to the dark side to heal, but he was never taught that. He was only taught to experience pain.

He peels off some layers of his garb -- it’s like a weight lifted off of him every time he takes off the cloaks and tunics. He tears off part of his sleeve to press against the wound, trying to get the bleeding to stop. 

He’s so overcome by the pain of his wound and the betrayal of the Knights he barely realizes Rey appears to him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! also -- would y'all rather me update 2x a week or just stick to sundays? i have enough written where posting updates 2x a week wouldn't matter but i didn’t know what is preferable! 
> 
> also yes in my own little universe i have crafted crimson dawn still exists :))
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/literallynooc)  
> 


	4. chapter four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where are you? Your Force signature feels so dark and cold,” she realizes. 
> 
> “Mustafar. Vader’s castle,” he explains. 
> 
> “Oh,” she says softly. 
> 
> “I felt a call to come here. I can’t explain it. But I’m not sure why. And now I’m beginning to regret it,” he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little early because i'm going camping in bryce canyon this weekend with no internet. see y'all next week!

He breathes in sharply and winces from the pain. She runs over to him, staring at his bleeding side. 

“Did the bounty hunters find you?” He asks.

“I’m on the ship, I’m okay. Where are you? What happened?” She replies, crouching down next to him.

She notices his torn shirt and the blood escaping his clutches. His eyes are dark, there are dark circles permeating his face, and fresh bruises and injuries all over his arms.

She knows she isn’t hiding the horror on her face.

“Mutiny,” Kylo explains. 

“Hux?” 

He shakes his head. 

“The Knights of Ren.” 

“I thought they answered to you and not the First Order. They don’t like that you’re the Supreme Leader?”

“There are some who believe that Snoke died under too suspicious of circumstance. They don’t believe that I was knocked out and you were the one to kill him,” he says. 

“Why would they try to kill you though?”

“The only way to become the Master of the Knights of Ren is to kill the current Master. That’s how I became Kylo Ren.”

“So they tried to overthrow you?” 

“Unsuccessfully. I killed two of them and the others ran. But yes.” His tone matches how solemn he looks. 

“Where are you? Your Force signature feels so dark and cold,” she realizes. 

“Mustafar. Vader’s castle,” he explains. 

“Oh,” she says softly. 

“I felt a call to come here. I can’t explain it. But I’m not sure why. And now I’m beginning to regret it,” he says, looking down at his side. 

“You’re able to heal it, aren’t you?” 

“Healing is generally a light side ability. I never learned how to Force heal with the dark. And I’m finding it rather hard to access the light side of the Force while practically enshrouded in darkness,” he says bitterly.

“Oh,” she says again. 

“Do you have any bacta patches on the ship?” He asks. 

“We should,” she says and goes to grab a medkit. 

She grabs a bacta patch and goes to hand it to him, but she looks at how helpless he looks and removes his hand and shirt covering his wound. She places the bacta patch on the wound and he relaxes a bit. Her hand lingers and she kneels down to be level with him. 

They lock eyes and her breath stills to match his. He nods at her, wordlessly accepting her offer to try and heal him. She closes her eyes and feels the Force flowing through her. Ben feels like he’s feeling the light side of the Force for the first time. There’s something so different about how the Force moves through Rey that makes it intoxicating. 

Her hands stay over the wound for longer than the Force does. She finally pulls away and examines her work. 

“It’s not perfect. I’d never done that before,” she tells him. 

“It’s perfect,” he replies. 

“There’s a scar,” she points out. 

“I don’t care.” _I didn’t heal the other scar you gave me. I like to be reminded of you,_ he thinks. It’s easier than saying anything out loud. He can pretend he didn’t mean to let it slip through the bond. 

She ignores his thoughts, but her hand reaches up to trace the scar she left on his face. She pulls away at the last moment, not wanting to cross that bridge.

“Do you feel okay now?” She asks. 

“Better,” he nods. 

“Okay,” she replies. 

“You didn’t leave Lothal,” he says. 

“No, I didn’t. They needed me,” she looks away from him. 

“You can’t keep sacrificing yourself for everyone, cyar’ika.”

“Please don’t do that,” she turns back to him. 

“Do what?” 

“Call me cyar’ika.”

“Don’t like people caring about you that much? Would you rather me just use you for your healing abilities and then ignore you?” 

“Kylo, please.”

He stills as he feels the rest of the Knights leave planetside. 

_And now I don’t have a ship or a way off this planet_ , he complains to himself. 

“I can come get you. I’d need to drop Finn and Rose off first, but I’ll come get you,” Rey says quickly. 

“You can’t come here, Rey. I’ll comm Hux.”

“He might leave you there forever. I can come,” she stands firm. 

“He won’t. You have too much light inside of you that I don’t want you to lose, Rey. I can’t lose it either. I can’t watch you fall like I did,” he admits. 

“Ben--”

“It’s too dark and dangerous here. You’ve done enough to help me. Don’t come, Rey.”

She feels how serious he is and she nods. 

“Rey?” Finn calls out. Rey spins on the spot to face Finn. 

“Go. I’ll be fine,” Kylo says, getting up from the floor and leaving the room. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Kylo walks around the castle, trying to find what called him here. There’s nothing but empty rooms and he suppresses the desire to destroy everything with his lightsaber. He blames the cultists he mowed down -- perhaps he should have left one or two alive to ask them questions, but he can’t focus on that now. 

A memory calls to him, from the Jedi academy. Kylo destroys a training droid. Luke looks on, disappointed as always. 

_”You’ve always had your father’s temper. It’s not becoming of a Jedi,_ ” Luke had said.

Kylo shakes his head.

He makes his way back to where the shuttle should have been, but it wasn’t there. He knew once he felt the Knights leave that he would be abandoned, but he had to confirm it for himself.

He hates asking Hux for anything. He activates his commlink and mentally prepares himself. 

“Hux. The Knights rebelled and took the shuttle. I need you to send me a shuttle or TIE to Mustafar.”

“They rebelled against you, sir?”

“Yes. Send a shuttle. That’s an order,” Kylo huffs. 

“Of course, sir. Sending now,” Hux says and Kylo can feel his amusement through the commlink. 

Kylo shuts off the commlink and looks around at the destruction they created in their arrival on Mustafar. 

He notices a change in the Force -- something lighter than anything else on the planet and for a fleeting moment he thinks Rey may have come to him -- but it’s not. He looks up and sees a owl, low-flying and clearly here for him. He’s not well-read on creatures of the Force, but he’s suddenly certain this owl is what called him to Mustafar. It circles him like he’s prey, and he watches in intently as it lands on his shoulder. 

“What are you?” He asks the creature. 

He feels like the owl almost smiles. 

The Force shifts again and he’s overcome with the light side in the Force -- and a vision consumes him.

  
💥💥💥

  
Rey exits the shuttle on Lothal for their last meeting. Two rebel sympathizers lead them down through the main city center. Rey sees the convor again and stops in her tracks. 

“Go on without me,” she tells the crew. 

“What? Rey, you can’t just leave us again,” Rose says. 

“There’s something I need to see. Please, Rose. I’ll be fine. I’ll meet you back at the ship and I’ll comm you if I need anything,” Rey assures her. 

“Are you sure?” Rose responds. 

“I’ll be fine, Rose. Just go ahead,” Rey practically shoves them forward with the Force. 

The convor circles her and she feels the Force move toward her. The convor lands on her shoulder and she reaches up to touch it. The power of the Force courses through her and Rey equates it to floating in space. It’s like an out of body experience -- and she’s pulled fully into a vision.

  
💥💥💥

  
Rey deduces this might not be a real place and could very well be only happening inside her head. It’s pitch black -- and then the convor appears. 

“Who are you?” She asks in the empty room. 

The convor doesn’t answer, but instead somehow manipulates the Force so Rey lets the light side overwhelm her. She tries not to notice how much of the dark she draws from, but when faced with the light side in this capacity, it’s hard not to. And then in a flash, the dark overpowers the light. For a moment, Rey swears Ben’s Force signature almost swirls around her. Was the Force connecting them even now? 

She sees the convor once more -- as the creature pulls together both sides of the Force -- the dark waves crashing and the light clashing against it and Rey’s head spins. She stares at the very fabric of the Force and wants to let it consume her. She’s equally drawn to both sides of the Force, which scares her and she tries to back away toward the light side. 

“You must bring balance to the Force. Together. It’s your destiny,” a woman’s voice echoes throughout the room -- vision? -- whatever this is. 

Before Rey can say anything she’s dropped out of the vision, back to the ground on Lothal and her head reels. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Ben’s dropped into the same vision, but he’s more conscious of what’s happening, slightly letting go into the vision more so than Rey. He knows her Force signature is present, but there’s a barrier that keeps him from reaching her.

“Who are you?” He asks the convor again.

The convor circles him with the Force, merging the light side and dark side and overwhelming his senses. The convor places itself between Ben and Rey’s energy. The convor lands on his shoulder again. 

“You must bring balance. Together. As your grandfather tried to do,” a woman’s voice says. 

“My grandfather?” Ben asks, stunned. 

“Feel the balance,” the voice says. 

All Ben could focus on was Rey’s Force signature flowing in this empty room. 

💥💥💥

  
Rey returns to the ship and paces until she senses Finn and Rose enter the ship. 

Rey prods at the bond one last time before they appear -- desperate to ask Ben about what she saw. Nothing happens. She thought they might have more control over the bond but he won’t appear to her no matter how much she tries to will it into existence. 

“Rey, are you okay? You really had us worried,” Rose says looking relieved to see Rey in one piece. 

“I thought you brought me here because you knew I could take care of myself,” Rey says before she can stop herself. 

“We did, but you looked like you were in a trance,” Rose clarifies. 

“It was a Force thing. I don’t know. A vision, I guess,” Rey doesn’t know how to describe what she saw, and she wishes Ben was around to help her parse through the vision. 

“A vision?” Finn asks. 

“I don’t know. I’m not sure what it was,” Rey responds. 

“Well, what did you see?”

“I can’t explain it. It’s a Force thing, I guess.”

“What does that mean?” Rose asks, somewhat snarkily. Rey realizes that to them, the Force is unknown and somewhat scary. 

“It just...showed me the nature of the Force. I don’t know. I need to go back to the Resistance base. I have to read the Jedi texts,” Rey insists. 

“We’re going to Cynda. We have to finish the mission,” Rose responds.

“I have to talk to Leia. Just drop me off and you can continue. It’s not that far,” Rey stands steady, uncompromising. 

Rey resists the call to use the dark side and mind trick them. She won’t let herself go that far. 

“Rey...” Rose says. 

“This is serious. I know you don’t understand. But I have to do this,” Rey says adamantly. 

“Okay,” Rose acquiesces. Finn nods in silent agreement. Rey goes to the console and enters in the coordinates to the base. 

Rey pretends to ignore how icy Rose and Finn felt toward her on the flight back to Ajan Kloss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/literallynooc) and watch out for my smutember and house dadam a-z kink collection one-shots soon! :)


	5. chapter five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Not only are you the most stubborn person in the galaxy, you’re also the most impatient,” Kylo says and Rey comes to the realization he's teasing her. The Supreme Leader teasing the last Jedi. Who would have predicted that? 
> 
> Rey shoots him a look. 
> 
> “The First Order is breathing down the Resistance’s neck and there’s a Force witch or whatever from Dathomir in the Outer Rim. Of course I’m impatient,” she defends. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooooo it has been a very long week as i didn't have power at my house or work for over 55 hours. i am almost done with this story but haven't had time to write but i enjoyed coming back to the ~*early chapters to re-read before i posted this.

Kylo nudges at the connection to Rey as he waits on Mustafar. He notices the convor circling above again, and it provides a sense of conviction for Kylo. He needs to process what happened more, but he was certain this is why he was called to Mustafar. He was also certain this is why Rey has been in his mind, in his life, in his soul for forever. 

He pushes the thoughts of Rey to the back of his mind as he sees the shuttle land. As they head back to Coruscant and the _Finalizer_ , Kylo refuses to speak to anyone on the shuttle. He knows he intimidates them, and he uses that to his advantage to garner alone time. He sequesters himself in a boardroom and reviews reports on a holopad from the mining colonies, but tosses it to the side once he feels the bond spring to life. 

“I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for hours,” Rey speaks intensely. 

“I have as well,” Kylo says. 

“Did you?” Rey asks. 

“I did,” Kylo replies. 

“What does it mean?” Rey wonders. She knows he understands she’s talking about the vision.

“I’m not sure. I’m going to do research when I get back to Coruscant. You saw the convor, too,” he notes, scanning through the memories she lets float between them. 

“I did. It felt like the Force was right when I was in that vision. I’ve been so scared of the dark inside of me, but this made me almost...”

“Crave it?” He finishes for her. 

“Yes,” she says breathlessly. 

“It told me to bring balance in the Force. Together. Like my grandfather tried to,” Kylo tells her. 

“It told me to bring balance in the Force together as well. What do you think it means? What do you think it was?” Rey stresses. 

“The convor? Not sure. I’ll let you know when I figure it out. Will you look at the Jedi texts as well?” He asks. 

“I will,” she replies. 

“You’re planning on asking Leia, as well. She’s not going to be much help,” he states. 

“You don’t know that,” Rey counters. 

“She doesn’t know enough about the Jedi. She’s told you that herself,” he says, referencing memories that she hasn’t shielded.

Rey falters a bit because she knows he’s right. 

“What happened with the Knights?” She inquires, changing the subject abruptly. 

“Cardo contacted me. He told me it was Ushar and Trudgen who were the driving Forces in wanting to overtake me. The thing about the Knights of Ren is that whoever kills the leader becomes the leader, I told you that. It’s how I...” He trails off, remembering killing Ren the night of the temple burning. Proving to another person that he was more than they accounted for.

“What about the others?” She prompts, trying to bring him back to reality. 

“They didn’t agree with Ushar and Trudgen. How are we supposed to bring balance to the Force, anyway?” She asks. 

“I have a feeling that wasn’t the last vision we’ll receive, Rey. I think it’s connected to the visions we’ve had all our lives. The Force always brings us together, especially when we need it most,” he says and places a hand on his abdomen where she healed him. 

“Why, though?” She persists. 

“I’m not sure, Rey. But--” He begins but is cut off by the Force. The bond snaps so quickly he’s certain she cut it off herself. They were gaining too much control of when they left each other for the Force to do that. Especially after whatever that vision was. 

  
💥💥💥

  
When Kylo returns to Coruscant, he’s met with a holovid of footage of a mining colony in the Otomok system. The citizens are revolting -- rising against the foreman and leaders on the ground. The citizens attack them and have staged a strike. There were some stormtroopers on the ground, and they attacked the citizens. It wasn’t good. 

Deep down, Kylo doesn’t blame the citizens. He even agrees with them. The conditions have been disastrous and dangerous for too long. He knew he should have fought harder against Hux to make it right, but Kylo has been met with a roadblock at every turn. 

Now, maybe he could get a one-two punch in of assisting the mining colonies and reforming the stormtrooper program. If it were possible, the look on Hux’s face when Kylo passed those measures would be incredibly satisfying. 

Kylo pulls his helmet on and heads to their meeting. All of the generals are assembled, and a hush falls over them as Kylo enters. 

“I need a status report on the Otomok system,” he says without delay. 

“Sir, there are still small factions of rebels. There are not enough stormtroopers on the ground,” General Paradee tells him. 

“I don’t think more stormtroopers is the right answer,” Kylo responds. 

“I agree, sir. I think we should just destroy the system like we did with Hosnian Prime. Set an example for the other mining colonies,” Hux interjects. 

General Paradee and General Pryde exchange a glance. 

“No,” Kylo says firmly. 

“But sir, they will just rebel more,” Hux insists. 

“We will not have another Hosnian Prime. That’s final,” Kylo states. 

“And what do you suggest then, Supreme Leader?” Hux sneers. 

“We send in a group of negotiators. Find out what they want and reach a collective bargaining agreement,” Kylo replies cooly. 

“Why not send in enough stormtroopers to squash the rebellion?” Hux asks. 

“That will get us nowhere. There will always be a rebellion if you lead the way you intend to, General Hux. That brings us to my next point of business: I’d like to discuss the desperate need for reforms to the stormtrooper program. As you saw in the holovid from Otomok, there were a few stormtrooper defectors. And we already knew about FN-2187. I believe our current recruitment tactics are creating an environment that will lead to our destruction,” Kylo states. 

“With all due respect sir, I’m not sure you can say anything about our current recruitment tactics. You’ve barely been around. Instead you’ve been chasing ghosts on Mustafar,” Hux challenges. The other generals are quiet. 

Kylo resists the urge to Force choke Hux. 

“If I’m gone for three standard days and this is the chaos that reigns, you’re not the leader you think you are, General Hux,” Kylo says. 

Hux remains silent. 

“We will send an envoy of negotiators. We can send in a small number of stormtroopers for protection, but that’s it. I want to be updated every step of the way, Mitaka,” Kylo instructs. 

“Yes, sir,” Mitaka responds. 

“The stormtrooper program must change. It’s clear that General Hux does not understand the consequences of taking children from their homes at a young age. The Jedi didn’t either, and look at how that turned out. I expect proposals for a new program to be submitted by our next meeting,” Kylo tells the room. 

“Yes, sir,” the generals chorus. 

“I want people on the ground in Otomok in no more than three standard days,” Kylo says.

Mitaka nods. 

“Dismissed,” Kylo waves the group away. 

He’s left alone and his thoughts swirl in his head in a way that almost makes him dizzy. Hux makes him so angry -- especially when he tries to undermine Kylo’s authority. Kylo thinks he handled it well enough, but he’s nervous Hux will still try to destroy Otomok. There’s a part of him that realizes the way he dealt with Hux is exactly how Leia Organa used to handle things in senate meetings. 

And then there’s the whole chasing ghosts on Mustafar comment...

Kylo knows Hux said it to get a rise out of him but that’s what it was, wasn’t it? He felt called to go to Mustafar and now he realizes it was because of that convor creature, but originally he went because he thought his grandfather was trying to commune with him. There were no ghosts on Mustafar. Just cultists and a vision he’s not sure he’ll understand. 

He reminds himself he told Rey he would research what they saw, so instead of continuing to sulk he makes his way to the Jedi archives. 

Kylo spends hours looking through everything possible he could think of. Eventually, he finds a mission report that may give some sort of answer -- a mission to Mortis. Kylo had never heard of this before, but he notes that his uncle had viewed this file as well. It must be important somehow. Luke didn’t view every mission report. 

The mission report details a difficult trip with parts of the Force that were unseen before. “The Ones”, they were called -- Father, Son, and Daughter. They told Anakin Skywalker he was the Chosen One to bring balance to the Force. 

Isn’t that what the voice said during the vision? Could that have been Daughter? But what was the convor? Somehow this small answer led to more questions in Kylo’s brain and he wasn’t sure how to even begin to explain this to Rey.

  
💥💥💥

  
Kylo doesn’t appear to Rey again for a few weeks. 

Rey tries to tell herself that it’s fine. He’s the Supreme Leader of the First Order, she shouldn’t want to speak to him. She should have killed him by now. She pointedly ignores the feelings of missing Kylo -- longing to speak with someone who understands her. Who understands her loneliness, even while surrounded by people she cares about. Because they don’t understand the Force. They don’t understand the mantle of responsibility a Force vision dropped on Rey. 

She prods at the bond, hoping he’d notice her presence. She feels a push kicking her out. She huffs and goes back to work on the Falcon, where she ignores Chewie’s questions asking if she’s okay. 

She combs through the Jedi texts and finds nothing for weeks until one night she’s reading by flashlight and a drawing of the convor -- it doesn’t have any information, really but it seems to be named Morai. She sighs and flips through the texts more furiously, desperate to find out more about the creature. 

There’s nothing else though, and she feels more frustrated than before. She tries to push the bond again, this time almost desperate to speak with Ben. He pushes her back again and she resists the urge to toss the Jedi texts across the room. 

Leia has no idea what Morai is, but she’s certain it’s Luke’s handwriting. Rey tries to hide her frustration in Leia. It’s not Leia’s fault, but she’s reminded of what Kylo had said. Leia wasn’t as knowledgable in the Force and Rey needs a more apt teacher. 

Finn and Rose watch her run a training course and corner her after. 

“You’ve been avoiding everyone,” Finn says abruptly. 

“Finn,” Rose chastises. 

Rose turns to Rey. 

“What he means is we are concerned about how you’re ignoring everyone, especially after what happened on Lothal,” Rose explains. 

“That,” Finn seconds. 

“I’m fine. I’m just trying to train and get ready for whatever the First Order throws at us. It’s just Force stuff,” Rey brushes them off. 

“You missed the briefing meeting this morning about the First Order,” Finn points out. 

“I got distracted. Sorry,” Rey deadpans. 

“Our intelligence shows they’re in the Otomok system right now trying to stop an uprising,” Finn says. 

“That’s where I’m from, Rey. It’s too close to home,” Rose says,

“Even Kylo Ren is there. They also have an Inquisitor, they haven’t had those since the empire,” Finn tells her. 

Rey’s heart nearly skips a beat at the mention of Kylo Ren. Is that why he hasn’t been responding to her? Because he’s on the Otomok system just destroying everything?

“What’s an Inquisitor?” Rey asks. 

“They can use the Force. They were the Empire’s answer to the Jedi after Order 66. They kept order and killed any Jedi left,” Rose explains. 

“Oh,” is all Rey can bring herself to say. 

“They’re too close for comfort,” Finn says. 

“I need to get a lightsaber,” Rey says as she looks down at her quarterstaff. 

“How are you going to do that?” Rose asks. 

“Not sure yet. I’ll figure it out,” Rey says and walks away without further conversation.

She finds Leia in her office on the basecamp and asks Kaydel for a moment alone with the General. 

“Can I speak with you, General?” Rey asks. 

“Of course,” Leia gestures to the seat across from her. 

“I feel so lost right now. I can’t figure out what this vision was or what Morai means,” Rey laments. 

“I wish I was more help. Have you meditated and tried to reach Luke?” 

“I have. Nothing,” Rey shakes her head. 

“Something else is bothering you,” Leia notices. 

“Finn and Rose mentioned the First Order is on the Otomok system. That’s only a few planets away from here,” Rey says. 

“They don’t know we’re here. They’d have attacked by now,” Leia says in a consoling tone. 

“They said Kylo Ren is there,” Rey adds. 

“I’ve seen the holovids,” Leia says, stoic as ever. Years of politics and having her personal life scrutinized, it seems like nothing phases her. 

“Do you think he would attack us?” Rey asks earnestly. 

Leia sighs. 

“I used to think I knew there was still light in him. And after you told me he killed Snoke...but if he did have light in him wouldn’t he have come home already? The answer to your question is I’m not sure, Rey. But I hope he would not,” Leia states. 

“I hope so as well,” Rey says. 

“But we’re prepared to evacuate if necessary. Make sure you have your things together,” Leia instructs. 

“Okay,” Rey says. 

“Rey, you’d tell me if Ben got in contact with you?” Leia asks. 

“He’s not in contact with me,” Rey tells her. It’s not a lie, either. He’s not in contact with her. He’s willfully keeping her out of his mind. 

“Okay. I’ll see you in the morning, Rey,” Leia says. 

“Goodnight, General.”

  
💥💥💥

  
Kylo arrives on Otomok and is immediately guided to their basecamp. The Knights of Ren had been waiting with an Inquisitor for Kylo’s arrival.

There hasn’t been an Inquisitor in the galaxy since his grandfather was in power, but they’ve decided to bring them back to help keep peace in the galaxy. This Inquisitor is from Dathomir, which gives Kylo pause. Every time Kylo has met him in the past few weeks Kylo feels certain he’s not here to keep peace in the way Kylo thinks peace is. Dathomirians have a much different concept. 

Kylo barely contains his spite for the Inquisitor. He’s working on keeping the peace -- creating peace, really -- and this just seems like a terrible idea. 

But far be it from him to defy the witches from Dathomir. He knows better than to disobey anything they send. It’d be catastrophic. 

Kylo arrives and the Knights stand, until Kylo nods at them to sit down. He makes his way over to the Inquisitor and nods at him curtly. 

“I’ll be present for all negotiations,” the Inquisitor says. 

“I’ll be planetside in case something goes awry,” Kylo replies. The Knights exchange glances. 

“I don’t believe that will be necessary,” the Inquisitor states.

Hux enters the room and Kylo thinks you can cut the tension with a knife. 

“Good afternoon, Inquisitor. It is great to have you with us,” Hux says, ignoring Kylo completely. 

“General Hux, I presume?” The Inquisitor asks. 

“Yes, I’m the lead on these negotiations,” he says smugly. 

Kylo keeps himself from rolling his eyes. 

“I do not want to act irrationally during these negotiations. We cannot scare them away and force them even further into rebellion,” Kylo states. 

“Of course not, Supreme Leader. I am here to ensure compliance,” the Inquisitor 

“We also should be careful about how you use the Force. It scares the locals,” Hux says. 

The Inquisitor nods. 

Kylo looks at his Knights who all nod. 

“Take me to the mining site, Hux,” Kylo instructs.

“Of course, Supreme Leader,” Hux responds. 

“I’m sure we will speak soon, Supreme Leader,” the Inquisitor tells him. 

“I look forward to it,” Kylo says a bit sarcastically. In a different world, someone might have told him, _you sound just like your father.”_

  
💥💥💥

  
Rey’s almost asleep when she feels Kylo at the edge of her mind. Part of her wants to give him a taste of his own medicine, but the part of her that’s desperate to speak with him wins out. 

He appears at the foot of her bed and she sits up. 

“You don’t want to talk to me,” Kylo says. 

“You kept pushing me out! For weeks!” Rey exclaims. 

“An Inquisitor arrived. He’s a Force user from Dathomir. I couldn’t risk him finding out about the Force bond. It was cruel and I’m sorry,” Kylo replies. 

Rey can feel the truth in his statement. 

“Can you explain what that means? Everyone’s been talking about it. They say you’re on Otomok,” she asks. 

“I am on Otomok. Dathomir is a planet of Force witches, mostly. It’s run by women -- they control everything. There used to be Inquisitors during my grandfather’s reign. Dathomir has decided they need to ensure peace is kept in the galaxy. This is their way of doing that,” Kylo explains. 

“There’s so much I don’t know,” Rey laments. 

Kylo doesn’t know what to say but looks at her sympathetically. 

“Did you find anything in the Jedi texts?” He asks, diverting the conversation. 

“Sort of. I’ve figured out it’s a convor named Morai, but that’s it,” Rey replies. 

“I went through the Jedi archives on Coruscant. There was a mission my grandfather went on with Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ahsoka Tano. A place called Mortis. There are these beings they called ‘The Ones’. They learned about the Force and that my grandfather was called to be the Chosen One to bring balance to the Force. I think it must be related. Maybe Morai is one of ‘The Ones’. I’m not sure,” Kylo tells her. 

“What do you think that means for us?” Rey asks. 

“I think we have to wait and see, Rey. I don’t think we can rush the Force’s timing.”

Rey huffs. 

“Not only are you the most stubborn person in the galaxy, but you’re also the most impatient,” Kylo says and Rey thinks he's teasing her. The Supreme Leader teasing the last Jedi. Who would have predicted that? 

Rey shoots him a look. 

“The First Order is breathing down the Resistance’s neck and there’s a Force witch or whatever from Dathomir in the Outer Rim. Of course I’m impatient,” she defends. 

“So you’re close to Otomok,” Kylo points out. 

Rey shoots him another look. 

“Ben,” she warns. 

“If I knew where you were I could do a better job of keeping you safe,” he insists. 

“Ben,” she says again. 

“I’m serious, Rey.”

“I know you are. I asked your mother if she thought you’d attack the Resistance. She didn’t think you would,” she reveals.

“You’re too important to the galaxy, cyar’ika.” 

“I told you to stop that,” she says. 

“I don’t know when I’ll be leaving Otomok. I don’t know if I can risk talking to you again while the Inquisitor is here. I just wanted you to know I hadn’t abandoned you. I’ll look more into Morai. I’ll talk to you soon,” Kylo stands and his hand brushes against hers. She chooses to ignore it until she looks up at him and sees the care in his eyes. She takes his hand in hers and squeezes it tightly. 

“We’re on Ajan Kloss,” she states. 

He nods and the bond disconnects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/literallynooc)!  
> comments and kudos appreciated as always!


	6. chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sending the enemy supplies to build a weapon. Bold,” she jokes. 
> 
> “You didn’t have to be my enemy,” he says and his thoughts turn toward the throne room. 
> 
> They stare at the empty space between them.
> 
> “In any case, it’s not a fair fight if you don’t have a lightsaber,” he adds, breaking the silence. 
> 
> “You’re right,” she replies.
> 
> She remembers Maz’s words on Takonda. The belonging you seek isn’t behind you, it’s ahead. Rey thought at first it meant the Resistance, but after the throne room she became concerned it was about Ben and that she made the wrong choice. The Force bond -- their Force bond, she reminds herself -- almost solidifies that. But there’s no way she can give up the ideals of the Resistance. 
> 
> It’s impossible. 

Finn, Poe, and Rose start to prepare for another mission to other Outer Rim planets with Crimson Dawn. Leia’s not too happy about working with a crime syndicate, but there are no other options. No one came to help them on Crait and allies now are few and far between. 

They don’t even ask Rey to come this time. 

Rey isn’t mad though, she’s actually relieved. There’s too much happening with the Force and inside her to go on another trip off-world. Especially with how the bounty hunters found her so easily on Lothal. It’s not worth the risk. 

A part of her also didn’t want to leave on the off chance the First Order came to Ajan Kloss. She knew if she wasn’t there all bets would be off. But there’s the whole lightsaber thing. She knows she has to build a new one and she knows she needs a kyber crystal. She also has no idea where to get one. 

The one person who could answer her questions is pointedly ignoring her and she pushes herself harder during training in what almost feels like retaliation. 

It’s quiet at the base without Finn, Rose, and Poe around. Rey’s left with her thoughts to stew. She decides to meditate, hoping to contact Luke or anyone. Maybe even Morai if the Force willed it. 

She meditates for so long she feels Leia’s Force signature float around and Rey knows Leia is checking on her, making sure she’s okay. Hours pass, but nothing comes to Rey. Except for the utmost determination she needs to build a lightsaber and soon. It’s not even a desire at this point, it feels like it’s absolutely necessary to fulfill what Morai told her. 

“Where do you find kyber crystals?” Rey asks Leia one night at dinner. 

“There are different planets they’re found on. I found mine on Ilum, that’s the most common I think.”  
  
“I need to go there. I need to fix the lightsaber. Or build a new one. I don’t know yet,” Rey says. 

“Of course, Rey. We don’t have much in terms of supplies right now but we’ll get you there. Give me a few weeks to get everything together,” Leia replies. 

“Thank you, General.”

Rey returns to her quarters and continues reading the Jedi texts. She finally finds _something_ about making a lightsaber. It’s not much, but it’s something -- she now knows she’ll have to meditate to make it and she groans. 

Meditation was not her thing. 

She also realizes she doesn’t have any of the materials necessary to make the hilt or anything. 

She makes a mental note to ask Leia about supplies for the hilt. 

It seems like a daunting task and if she’s honest with herself, she’s not sure she can do it. She bemoans the realization that she’s going to have to ask Kylo. He was right -- she did need a teacher. 

BB-8 beeps loudly and she snaps out of her daydream and she runs the training course again.

  
💥💥💥

  
Finn, Rose, and Poe make their way to Cynda with Crimson Dawn. There are rumors of another uprising in the mining colonies there like on the Otomok system, and the Resistance needs to get in front of the First Order this time. As much as it’s dangerous to work with a crime syndicate, they have the intel on everything in the galaxy. They don’t have enough allies and at least this pays off. 

Before they can make too much progress, the First Order stormtroopers arrive planetside. Cynda is too small to hide anywhere, really. They make their way underground and watch as there are a few stormtroopers who are reluctant to follow through with Hux’s orders of killing everyone on sight who rebels. 

“We might have the upper hand after all,” Finn points out.

“Do you think we can get them involved?” Poe asks Tobias Beckett, their main contact. 

Tobias shrugs. 

“It might be a long shot, but can you really trust a stormtrooper?” He replies. 

Poe and Rose look at Finn. 

“Hey!” Finn feigns offense. 

“Do you think there could be others like you?” Rose asks. 

“There always have been and there always will,” Finn responds. 

“Then we should try to contact them. Try to get them on our side. Maybe others will follow. They have to know it’s wrong,” Rose replies. 

“It’s worth a shot,” Poe says, calculating the risks in his head. 

“I’ll wait here,” Tobias says as the trio make their way to the surface. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Rey can’t sleep, so she pokes at the bond. She expects Kylo to ignore her, so she puts a little more manic energy behind it, hoping there’s no way he’d ignore that. 

She’s right, of course. 

“Is everything okay?” Kylo asks immediately. He appears on the edge of her bed, covered in a blanket. He must have been trying to sleep, too. He pushes the blanket to the side and leans more toward Rey.

“Yes. Sort of,” Rey says. 

“Are you in danger?”

“Not immediately, I guess.”

“I told you I was worried about using our bond while the Inquisitor is near. It’s different than the Knights,” Kylo chastises. 

Rey’s brain takes a second to process hearing him call it “ _our_ ” bond. It felt so intimate, and she tries to keep herself from fixating on it before he notices.

“I know, but this is important. I’m worried the First Order is so close. I need a lightsaber,” she tells him. 

“I told you I would keep you safe.”

“I still need a lightsaber, Ben.”

“What does that have to do with me?” He’s almost rude. 

“I have no idea what I’m doing. Leia told me to go to Ilum for a kyber crystal but after that...I have no idea.”

“What did the Jedi texts say?”

“That I need to meditate,” she states. 

Kylo scoffs. 

“Well, they’re not totally wrong.”

“How did you make your lightsaber?”

“Which one?” He asks. It’s a loaded question. She knows his crossguard saber is unstable and unusual, and part of her longs to know more about it. 

“Both,” she decides. 

“At the academy, we took a trip to Ilum. When we got back, we had the parts for hilts available and you meditated until the Force and you connected with your crystal and you felt what to do. It’ll guide you. You don’t consciously choose anything,” he explains. 

“So it is just meditation?” 

“Basically. You’ll need supplies, though.”

“I don’t think we have any,” she says. 

“I can get you some,” Kylo replies quickly. 

“Sending the enemy supplies to build a weapon. Bold,” she jokes. 

“You didn’t have to be my enemy,” he says and his thoughts turn toward the throne room. 

They stare at the empty space between them.

“In any case, it’s not a fair fight if you don’t have a lightsaber,” he adds, breaking the silence. 

“You’re right,” she replies.

She remembers Maz’s words on Takodana. _The belonging you seek isn’t behind you, it’s ahead._ Rey thought at first it meant the Resistance, but after the throne room she became concerned it was about Ben and she made the wrong choice. The Force bond -- _their_ Force bond, she reminds herself -- almost solidifies that. But there’s no way she can give up the ideals of the Resistance. 

It’s impossible. 

Her thoughts were too loud, she realizes quickly and she diverts the conversation back. 

“How did you make the crossguard saber?” She asks. 

“I had to bleed the kyber crystal. It’s not...a pretty process. It almost killed me and the crystal. It has too much energy since it cracked, so I had to put the crossguard on it to divert the energy. Otherwise it would have killed me,” he states. 

“What kind of lightsaber am I supposed to make?” 

“What, now you want me to make all the difficult decisions for you? On the _Supremacy_ you seemed pretty keen on thinking you were the only one with answers,” his words drip with sarcasm.

“And here I thought you had started to become the person I saw in my visions,” Rey shoots back. 

“I never will be, Rey. That man died with Han Solo,” Kylo looks angry and sad and feels that way as well, projecting it so hard into their bond Rey can barely control her own emotions. 

“Then why are there no First Order troops on Ajan Kloss right now?” She matches his anger and the bond disconnects. 

Rey notices after staring at the empty space he occupied the blanket he woke up with stayed in her room. She grabs it and pulls it closer to her before forcing herself to go to sleep. 

  
💥💥💥

  
When the First Order command shuttle arrives back on Coruscant, the Inquisitor takes his leave and follows Hux’s suggestion of surveying other mining colonies. 

Kylo has his reservations, and he tries to remind himself that he needs to bury that deep. His conversation with Rey last night plays on repeat in his mind. 

They were enemies. No matter how much they both seem to want things to be different, nothing would change. She’d always put the Resistance first and he’d always be the leader of the First Order who killed Han Solo. There’s no reason for him to show mercy to anyone. 

Except that he knew it was wrong to lead by fear. To let Hux gain control like this. Part of him longs to apologize to Rey -- make sure she knows he’ll never harm her and he’ll get her any supplies she needs. 

He reaches for the bond but she keeps him at bay. He tries to put all the empathy he can muster into the bond but to no avail.

Hux seems too content right now. It makes Kylo anxious. He already had to deal with a coup in the Knights of Ren, and now Hux was obviously gunning for his position. 

Kylo remembers on Crait after he killed Snoke when Hux found him crumpled on the ground holding the dice Han Solo used to own. He vowed to never let anyone see him like that again. He couldn’t show any weakness, especially not to Hux. 

It’s days before they connect through their bond again. 

“I did want to take your hand. Ben’s hand. You were right,” Rey says before Kylo can apologize. 

“I told you--“ Kylo starts. 

“He’s not dead. Kylo Ren would have killed me by now. Ben Solo hasn’t,” she states. 

He can’t really argue with her, either. 

“I’m not going to kill you, Rey. I couldn’t,” he says. 

“I know,” she says quietly. 

“Plus there’s that whole business of us being charged with bringing balance to the Force,” he points out. 

“I almost forgot,” Rey realizes. 

“There’s been a lot going on,” he says. 

“How’s the Inquisitor?” She asks. 

“Going to Cynda now. There are rumors of uprisings there,” he replies. 

Rey’s face drops. 

“What is it?” He questions. 

“Nothing,” she covers. 

“Rey, I can tell when you’re anxious. You’re thinking about it so much that you’re making me anxious. What is it?” 

“Finn and the others are on Cynda right now. Recruiting,” she replies. 

“It would look suspicious if I recalled him at this point if they’ve made their presence known. Hux is chomping at the bit to get rid of me,” Kylo says softly. 

“I wouldn’t ask that of you. I’ll go to them,” she replies. 

“Rey, there’s still a bounty on your head,” he warns. 

“And my friends are in trouble and they have no one who can use the Force against the Inquisitor.” 

“And you don’t have a lightsaber. He does. And Force magic,” Kylo adds. 

“I can’t just leave them there to die,” she says fiercely. 

“Comm them and tell them to come back immediately. Tell them you’ve heard from a spy in the First Order,” he replies quickly. 

Rey had been so stressed out about their well-being she forgot she could even comm them. She chalks it up to not having a commlink until she joined the Resistance. It’s not a normal way to communicate on Jakku -- no one had that ability, really.

“So now you’re a First Order spy?” She asks with her eyebrows raised. 

“In this instance I guess I am. More anti-Inquisitor than anything,” he shrugs. 

“Then why are you allowing him to galavant around?”

“Leadership is being strategic. Would you rather Hux be at the helm? You’d have been found out ages ago. I’ve been diverting information about the Resistance since day one.”

“Leadership is also about having a backbone and standing up for what’s right,” she counters. 

“Whatever gets you through the night, Rey,” he says and cuts the bond off before she can reply. 

He walks through the gardens outside the Senate building and his mind wanders back to Rey. He shouldn’t have told her about the Inquisitor. She shouldn’t have told him about Ajan Kloss. They were both playing with fire and he was becoming more and more certain they both had lit matches and thrown them at each other. 

But there was nothing he could do now. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to put out the fire. Maybe he wanted Rey to watch him burn. He deserved it, after all. 

There’s a loud noise above him and he notices Morai flying close to him. 

“Been a while,” he observes. 

Morai lands on a tree in front of him and her eyes are ablaze. 

“Did we set you on fire too?” He asks her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> follow me on [twitter!](https://www.twitter.com/literallynooc)  
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated! i have one more chapter of this story left to write and i hope y'all are enjoying it so far.


	7. chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Snoke told you light would rise to meet the darkness within you. He wasn’t completely wrong. She is your equal in the Force. You have equal amounts of light and dark within you both.”
> 
> “She has more light than I do,” he says. 
> 
> “She uses the light more than you,” Daughter corrects. 
> 
> Kylo falls silent. 

They don’t manage to get in contact with the stormtroopers they had seen. By the time they got up to the surface, they had all dispersed into the crowd of miners. At that point, it was too risky. They retreat back down and go with the original plan of speaking with locals and finding sympathizers that way. 

Poe’s commlink goes off repeatedly and he finally checks it after many dirty looks from Tobias. 

“What?” He asks sharply. 

“You need to get out of there. The Inquisitor is coming. He’ll kill you,” Rey doesn’t mince words. She needs them out of there and fast. What if the Inquisitor found them? What if he tracked them to Ajan Kloss? Her only weapon was the Force and her quarterstaff, and she knew it wouldn’t be a match against a Force user from Dathomir. 

“How do you know this?” Poe asks. 

“Spy in the First Order,” she says quickly, barely able to breathe. 

“Spy in the First Order?” Finn exclaims. 

“I’ll explain when you get back here. Just get back _now_ ,” she says fiercely. 

“I think we should listen to her,” Rose says, trying to be the voice of reason. 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Poe states. 

“You always do,” Rose rolls her eyes and gathers their things. 

“We’ll rendezvous with you later,” Poe tells Tobias and he nods in agreement. 

They’re moving through back alleys as they catch a glimpse of a hooded figure with a red lightsaber. 

“That’s not a Knight of Ren,” Finn observes. 

“How do you know?” Rose asks. 

“I’ve seen them all. That’s an Inquisitor,” He states. 

“Rey’s intel was right,” Poe says. 

“Don’t act so surprised. There was no reason for her to lie,” Rose retorts. 

“I just didn’t know if it was some weird Force thing she was making up to get us back,” Poe shrugs. 

“You sound ridiculous, you know that right?” Rose asks. 

“Well _now_ I do,” Poe replies. 

“Let’s get to the shuttle before he sees us,” Finn runs in the opposite direction of the Inquisitor toward where their ship was. 

“She should have come with us,” Poe says. 

“She was almost useless on Lothal,” Finn replies. 

“Finn!” Rose scolds. 

“It’s true,” he shrugs. 

“It would be helpful to have a Force user here against another Force user,” Rose says. 

“You might be right, but I think today’s our lucky day,” Poe replies as they make it to the ship with no Inquisitor in sight. 

  
💥💥💥

  
On Ajan Kloss, Rey paces nervously awaiting news from the trio. She did her part, but she still felt like she was letting them down by not being there with them. 

Kaydel tries to comfort her and tell her she can’t be everywhere and that there was still a giant bounty on her head, but Rey doesn’t care. 

She feels like she is letting down the only people who made her feel like family at one point. She brushes aside her current feelings of resentment and wonders if they actually know her or treat her like family, rather than the last Jedi. That part of her felt too much like Kylo Ren and too much like she’d like to leave Ajan Kloss forever. 

She goes into the woods and a gust of wind almost knocks her over. It’s Morai. 

“Hello,” Rey says. 

Morai lets out a squeak and lands on Rey’s shoulder again. 

“What am I supposed to do?” Rey asks. 

Morai looks with sympathetic eyes and Rey’s transported into another vision. 

This time Ben is _there_. Sort of. She can feel his Force signature so clearly. She can feel him next to her.

Their bond bursts open and she sees his confusion and wonder at what’s happening. 

“I’m here,” she says and she feels him reach out, wanting to touch her -- to grab her hand. 

“Where is here, though?” He asks. 

After he asks, Morai appears again and the vision changes. Rey’s left in some dark place alone and she panics.

Ben is taken to what seems like Mustafar. 

“Am I supposed to go back?” He asks Morai. 

The vision swirls and he’s brought to the outer area of a Sith temple on Mustafar. 

“I have to go here, don’t I?” 

Rey’s still in the dark. The dark side of the Force is pulling her down, down, down into what seems like a pit. She senses Ben at the top, somehow filled with more light side energy than she has at the moment. Moral reaches down and pulls Rey out and she feels Ben and the light side more clearly once more. 

Before she can process anything, the vision ends abruptly. 

She reaches desperately for the bond. 

“I’m here, Rey,” he says as he materializes in the forest. 

“What did that mean? Did you get pulled down into that pit too?” She asks. 

Kylo’s eyes narrow in concern. 

“No, I was taken to the Sith temple on Mustafar. I have to go back,” he says. 

“I’ll meet you there,” she replies immediately. 

“You can’t. You fell into a _pit of darkness_ during that vision. That means something. I have to go alone,” Kylo shakes his head. 

“I’m coming with you,” she counters. 

“Rey, it wasn’t meant for you. Maybe bringing balance to the Force means there are different things for each of us. I’ll keep the bond open. I promise,” Kylo says kindly. 

“You can’t shelter me from every dark side thing,” she says. 

“Rey in that vision you had much darker energy than I did. I’m not sheltering you from anything.”

“I--“ She stops. 

“You know I’m right,” he smirks, satisfaction flowing through their bond.

“But what am I supposed to do then?” 

“I don’t know, Rey. Morai will tell you, I suspect.”

Rey huffs. 

“You can’t be this impatient, Rey. You have to have faith that the Force and Morai will guide you to what’s right,” he tells her. 

“You sound like Luke and the Jedi,” she observes. 

“Old habits die hard,” he shrugs. 

“It seems ill-advised to trust the Force with this,” she says. 

“Having faith in something and letting the Force take control isn’t always a bad thing, Rey. You need to let go,” he replies. 

Her brow furrows. 

“I have never wanted to stab you with a lightsaber more than this moment,” she groans. 

He chuckles. 

“Yeah, I don’t blame you,” he replies. 

“Will you tell me when you get to Mustafar?” 

“I will, cyar’ika.” 

“Ben, I told you--“

“I know what you told me.”

He gives her a small smile and disconnects the bond. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Kylo leaves a meeting with the Generals after telling them he needed to go to Mustafar again. He wouldn’t hear anything against it and froze them all with the Force until he left the room. 

Hux ran to catch up to him. 

“Sir, with all due respect you cannot just leave again--“

“--General Hux, I am the Supreme Leader. I know you wish I wasn’t, but I am. And if I say I have to go somewhere, I will be going.”

“But sir, the uprising in the mining colonies is only getting worse. The Inquisitor says--“

Kylo raises a hand and cuts him off with the Force. 

“I don’t care what the Inquisitor says. I have to go to Mustafar.”

Kylo releases his hold on Hux and Hux nods. 

“Mitaka, prepare my ship,” Kylo commands. 

  
💥💥💥

  
It’s different to arrive on Mustafar this time. He knows what to expect. He knows the air will feel constricting. He knows there might be a few cultists left, but most of them they had killed before. 

He lands the shuttle in the same spot as before and instructs the crew to wait on board. 

Morai is there when he exits the shuttle and he takes a deep breath before walking out. 

He leaves his helmet and sheds a few layers of cloaks, feeling too restricted in the heat. He notices when Morai is around the light side almost overpowers the darkness he’s spent so many years cultivating and it’s overwhelming to think about. 

He makes his presence known to Rey, who acknowledges him but doesn’t force the bond to connect.

He follows Morai to the Sith temple from the vision. 

He looks around, checking for any temple guards or traps but finds nothing. He enters the temple after Morai and the Force pulls him to the center of the main room. 

The Force feels solid like he can grasp it and Morai transforms into a _person_? _Maybe a ghost_ , Kylo thinks. _Maybe one of the Ones he had read about in the archives._

“I am Daughter,” she says.

Kylo is too stunned to speak. 

“You know who I am,” she continues. 

“One of The Ones. From Mortis,” he replies. 

“Yes. Father and Son, my brother. We were charged to bring balance to the Force. Your grandfather was the Chosen One. He should have restored balance to the Force. Instead he fell. What will you do?” 

“Did you know my grandfather?” Kylo asks, never feeling more like Ben Solo than this moment -- desperate for any connection to his family. 

“I knew him once. But you know this. You’ve seen their mission report from the Jedi archives,” she points out. 

Kylo nods. 

“Your grandfather may have failed, but that does not mean your destiny is to fall. I’ve seen your heart, you don’t want to fall like he did.”

“I’m the Supreme Leader of the First Order,” Kylo states. _I already fell_ , goes unsaid.

“Because you killed your master who threatened the girl.”

“I did,” he replies. 

“Snoke told you light would rise to meet the darkness within you. He wasn’t completely wrong. She is your equal in the Force. You have equal amounts of light and dark within you both.”

“She has more light than I do,” he says. 

“She _uses_ the light more than you,” Daughter corrects. 

Kylo falls silent. 

“There will be a time coming when you will be challenged. You must work together and restore balance. The galaxy is dependent upon you. I cannot assist you. My powers have lessened since your grandfather came to Mortis.”

“You’ve manifested visions,” Kylo points out. 

“I cannot protect the galaxy,” Daughter responds. 

“And Rey and I are supposed to? We’re enemies. We’re on different sides of a war,” Kylo says. 

“Are you?” 

“We are. I asked her to stand with me. She didn’t. I use the dark and she runs from it,” he replies. 

“My brother -- Son -- he manifested the dark more than anything. Father gave us powers to ensure the Force was balanced. My brother once told me the only thing he loved in the galaxy was me.”

Her eyes narrow and scan Kylo’s face. 

“The only thing the dark loved was the light. Perhaps you understand his feeling,” Daughter says pointedly. 

Kylo looks up and doesn’t break her gaze.

“Did you love your brother?” 

Daughter smiles. 

“You must restore the balance. You must resist the call to the extremes unlike your grandfather.”

“How do we restore balance?” 

“Balance is found in one who faces their guilt,” Daughter states. 

“I’ve faced my guilt every day,” Kylo replies quietly. 

“Have you?” Daughter asks and the Force propels him out of the temple. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished writing this story two weeks and I can't wait to finish posting all of it! 
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/literallynooc) and come chat with me!  
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated :)


	8. chapter eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She stops in her tracks and searches for the cosmic Force. There’s something that’s calling to her. Maybe Kylo was right after all...
> 
> She doesn’t respond to him and instead moves through the caverns. 
> 
> He doesn’t follow her. 
> 
> “I’ll be here,” he tells her through their bond. BB-8 beeps and angrily runs into Ben’s legs. 
> 
> “With the droid that hates me,” he adds. 
> 
> Rey laughs but continues forward, following the song of the kyber crystal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay in posting -- lots of things have been going on in my life the past little bit and i totally forgot to post the next chapter!

Rey and Kylo connect almost nightly. He tells her that Daughter revealed she is Morai and just reiterated the fact that they need to bring balance to the Force. 

He doesn’t tell her what Daughter said about the dark loving the light or about facing guilt. 

He’s thought intently about what it means to face his guilt. He thinks about Han Solo every day. He thinks about Luke and Leia every day. But is that facing guilt? It doesn’t seem so anymore. 

He meditates, even though he hates it. He tries to succumb to his feelings and utilize his guilt to bring balance within himself. He figures the key is to forgive himself. 

But that seems impossible right now, so he pushes it to the back of his mind. 

Instead, he focuses on helping Rey with questions about the Force and building a lightsaber. 

She recognizes that he’s putting in more effort into helping her than he ever had before. She tries to search his mind, but he’s hidden what happened on Mustafar so deeply in his mind she’ll never find it. 

It frustrates her, he knows. But they don’t talk about it. 

  
💥💥💥

  
They finally meet again in person on Ilum. She tells him, in passing, one night that she would be going there the next cycle. She knows he’ll join her on Ilum. She knows he’ll help her. 

He shouldn’t, really. 

It’s not the fact that the Resistance keeps getting intelligence the First Order is getting closer to finding out where they’re located, no matter how much he pushes them away from Ajan Kloss. It’s the fact that they’ve been charged with bringing balance to the Force and they don’t even know where to begin. Mostly because they can’t begin to know what to do with each other. 

_Bad blood may always run deep,_ Rey thinks. 

She pushes those thoughts to the side and focuses on the trip to Ilum.

Her shuttle barely makes it -- BB-8 whirs anxiously throughout their journey. 

“It’s okay, BB-8. We’ll be okay,” she assures him, but it’s more for her than anything. She takes a deep breath and tries to fix the problems as they arise without falling out of hyperspace. 

When she lands, the shuttle is smoking. She stumbles out as BB-8 rolls out and they stare at what’s essentially wreckage.

BB-8 angles his head up to her and beeps. 

“I’ll deal with it later,” she tells him. 

“It’s so kriffing cold,” she exclaims to the vast expanse of Ilum. It’s empty -- the old Jedi temple stands alone in a wasteland of ice and snow. 

She pulls her coat tighter and fights off a shiver when she feels the bond activate. 

“You seem cold. I can feel it through the bond,” Kylo points out. 

“Brilliant detective work,” she rolls her eyes. 

“I’ll be planetside on Ilum shortly,” he says.

Rey chooses not to respond but instead ushers BB-8 toward the entrance of the Jedi temple. She pulls away from the bond and shakes snow off her boots as she tries to open the door with the Force. 

It doesn’t budge. 

She tries again, her eyes strain with concentration to no avail. 

She hears Kylo’s TIE fighter land and she turns to face him. He gets out of the TIE and Rey takes notice of his coat, scarf, and hat -- he’s much more prepared for the climate than she is.

“What happened to your shuttle?” He asks through the bond. 

“The resistance can’t afford nice fancy ships, Ben. It barely made it here,” she says a little bitterly. 

He doesn’t respond but walks over to her. 

He stops a few paces away suddenly like he realizes too late she wouldn’t want him close to her. 

“Why don’t you have a warmer coat or a scarf or anything?” He scolds her.

“Again, the resistance isn’t flowing in credits like the First Order, Ben. This was all we had,” She retorts. 

“You could have told me. I would have brought you...we’re on a kriffing ice planet for Maker’s sake, Rey,” he sighs. 

“I’m well aware,” she says, trying not to shiver. 

He unwraps the scarf from his neck and drapes it around her, gingerly wrapping it -- like if he touches her skin they’ll both turn to stone. 

“You don’t have to do that,” she shakes her head. 

“I do,” he replies.

“Thank you,” she says in a meek voice. She hates having to rely on others. She spent so many years on Jakku fending for herself. She knows she’s capable. She can tell he can hear her thoughts before she tries to shut him out. 

“It’s not failure to accept help, Rey. One day your stubbornness will kill you,” his eyes lock with hers and she stands up straight. He chuckles -- she’s still so much shorter than him even when she tries to look taller. 

“I’ve told you I am not stubborn,” she insists. 

He quirks his eyebrow in a way that reminds Rey of Leia. 

“Sure, Rey. You keep telling yourself that,” he says. 

Rey rolls her eyes. 

“Couldn’t get the door open?”

“No. I couldn’t,” she shakes her head, almost ashamed.

“We’ll do it together. When we came with the academy it was a whole thing. It was part of the ceremony of it all, to open the door,” Ben explains. 

“I guess I’m doing every step of the Jedi thing wrong.”

“It’s okay. I think I’m doing all the First Order things wrong, too. I’m here, aren’t I?” He replies. 

“I suppose so. Still haven’t decided if you’re real or just in my head though,” Rey says. 

He touches her arm. 

“I’m real,” he tells her. His eye twitches.

She swallows and nods. 

“Let’s do this,” she says, turning back toward the door. 

They raise their hands and concentrate their Force power to open the door. 

It raises up and they make their way into the cave. 

“Your crystal will call to you. It’ll draw you to it. Just start exploring,” Ben says.

“You’re kidding?” 

“No. That’s how this works. Go look for your crystal.”

“I feel like you’re just doing this to make fun of me,” she sighs. 

“Can’t you feel it?” He asks. 

She stops in her tracks and searches for the cosmic Force. There’s something that’s calling to her. Maybe Kylo was right after all...

She doesn’t respond to him and instead moves through the caverns. 

He doesn’t follow her. 

“I’ll be here,” he tells her through their bond. BB-8 beeps and angrily runs into Ben’s legs. 

“With the droid that hates me,” he adds. 

Rey laughs but continues forward, following the song of the kyber crystal. 

She doesn’t make a note of where she’s going or the route, but she’s certain the Force would lead her back to Ben after this. 

She’s thankful for the Force as she jumps down part of the cave and lands on a ledge of ice. She’s also thankful for the scarf Ben wrapped around her, looping it tighter as she shivers. 

Rey gasps when she makes her way through an enclosed section and a door of ice falls. She reminds herself that she was unable to open the door without Kylo’s help. Would this be the same?

She takes a moment to center herself and feel the cosmic Force moving through her once more. She focuses in on the energy of the crystal that’s calling to her and moves forward. 

She wanders around for what feels like hours, though she’s not sure if it actually is hours or not. The cold has stopped bothering her, and she feels emboldened to her task. 

A maze of ice trips her up briefly. She second guesses herself and her nervousness is palpable. 

“Trust yourself, Rey. It’s okay,” Kylo says through the bond. 

It’s comforting to know he’s still keeping tabs on her from however far away. She didn’t reach out to him, but he felt her distress and that meant more to Rey than she’d admit. No one proactively cared about her. She sends a small thank you his way and hopes that BB-8 hasn’t tried to kill him yet. She can feel him smile. 

She scales another wall and finally sees the crystal -- suspended on top of a ledge across the way. 

Rey steadies herself and uses the Force to jump across ledges and openings to get to the crystal. 

She falters a few times but catches herself. She trusts in the Force to not let her fall. She reaches and grabs the suspended crystal. 

She holds it close and takes in how correct it feels to have this crystal in her hands. It feels like it’s an extension of her like it’s always been a part of her soul.

She takes a moment and meditates in the vast space of the room she’s currently in and waits for the Force to guide her back to the main room and back to Ben. 

When she reaches the ice door, she begins to panic. She feels a voice come to her -- Daughter, she assumes. 

“The Force would not put you in a situation you couldn’t get yourself out of. Trust yourself,” the voice tells her. 

Rey centers herself and concentrates all her energy on opening the door. When it raises up, Rey cheers. She grasps the crystal closer and moves quickly back through the cave. She can feel Kylo’s Force signature and she’s desperate to see him, to show him she did it. 

It pushes her to move faster and the crystal enables her. She moves through the cave with ease this time, but still unsure of how much time has passed. The cold doesn’t phase her at all. The crystal projects warmth and a sense of security. 

Finally, she reaches the entryway to the ice cave. Ben leans against the wall and BB-8 beeps excitedly. 

“I found it!” Rey exclaims as she runs toward Ben. 

“I know,” he smiles at her. 

Ben’s brain stops working for a moment as Rey runs directly into his arms.

Before his brain catches up to the moment, she’s reaching up and kissing him. It starts off tentative and soft, but soon they’re both consumed by each other. 

Ben gets his wits about him and kisses her back, losing himself in Rey until he realizes this is a bad idea and she’s certain to regret it. BB-8 beeps angrily and knocks into their feet, and they break apart. 

He resists the urge to rip out some integral wiring of the droid. 

“Rey...”

I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. “We shouldn’t have done that,” she says.

“No, I don’t think we should have.”

“I’m sorry,” she says again.

“I don’t want you to regret anything.”

“I don’t want you to regret anything, either,” she affirms.

“You got your crystal,” he gestures toward the crystal in her hand. 

“I did. How long was I gone?” she asks.

“Twelve standard hours,” he replies. 

“And you waited for me?” She asks, shocked. 

“I told you I would.”

“I didn’t realize I would be gone for that long. I didn’t realize I was,” she responds. 

“I knew you’d be a while. I’ve done this before, remember?” 

“BB-8 hates you,” she states. 

“Yes. A little less now, though. He only tried to kill me once. Told him I would never hurt you again,” he says. 

“Oh, wouldn’t you?” She asks sarcastically. 

“You know I couldn’t hurt you,” Ben shakes his head, serious. 

“Will you come back to the Resistance with me?” 

“No, Rey. I can’t.”

“Did you bring me things to build a lightsaber?” She asks. 

“I did. I have them in my shuttle.”

“Okay. Thank you,” she says. 

They’re both aware there’s like a magnetic pull wanting them to be close again. They both ignore it. 

“Daughter told us we have to bring the balance together. I don’t think we can do that on the sides we’re on. But I can’t let Hux lead the First Order. We’d all lose. Come with me, Rey.”

“I can’t abandon the Resistance.”

“You’d be more help to them by my side and you know it. We just have to play the long game,” he suggests. 

“I can’t,” she shakes her head and chokes back tears. 

BB-8 rolls over to Rey and beeps angrily in Kylo’s direction, almost protecting Rey. 

“One day you’ll have to join me, Rey. Unless you’re planning on willfully ignoring what Daughter has told us.”

“I can’t,” she says again. There’s silence. They stare each other down and Kylo suppresses the desire to kiss Rey again. It floats through the bond and he knows Rey feels the same way. Rey squeezes the crystal in her hand.

Kylo’s thrown to the ground with the Force. Rey runs off and he follows her out as fast as he can. He sees her run toward his ship. He can’t stop her and she takes off, leaving him on this kriffing ice planet with her rundown shuttle. 

He swears out loud and pushes at their connection, but he’s met with a closed door. 

He makes his way to her shuttle and begins to repair as much as he can. With any luck, he can make it to the next closest system in the outer rim. At least he had his credit chip on him -- he could get it repaired or get a new ship. He couldn’t bear to call Hux to come rescue him once more.

  
💥💥💥

  
Rey arrives in a system she’s never heard of and trades Kylo’s ship for a less conspicuous one. She makes her way back to Ajan Kloss and it’s not until she’s planetside when she realizes she still has Kylo’s scarf wrapped around her neck. 

She hastily takes it off and shoves it in the bag with the lightsaber parts. 

Finn greets her outside of the shuttle. 

“This isn’t the ship you left with,” he comments. 

“Long story,” she replies as she hugs him.

“Did you build a lightsaber?” He asks. 

“Well, I got the kyber crystal and the supplies.”

“So you still don’t have one?”

“No.”

“Well hurry up, we really need you. The First Order destroyed the Otomok system like they did with Hosnian Prime three standard days ago,” he says seriously. 

Rey’s face drops and she’s absolutely horrified. 

“They did _what_?” She asks. 

“Everyone’s gone. Rose is distraught. So much for the First Order keeping mostly low. Kylo Ren might be worse than Snoke,” Finn says. 

Rey nods because that’s all she can will her body to do. But she knows it wasn’t Kylo. Three standard days ago they were together on Ilum. That was before she stranded him there. He told her he didn’t trust Hux and things would be worse if Hux was in charge and this proved it. 

She regrets leaving him on Ilum. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Kylo thinks this might be the first time since Rey escaped after Takodana that he’s actually angry. He’s destructive and he kills two of Hux’s lackeys without second thought. 

He doesn’t speak to the Inquisitor. He censures Hux and tells the Knights of Ren they have clearance to murder Hux the next time he tries something while Kylo is gone. 

He feels guilty about the loss. It was avoidable and the negotiations were moving at an adequate pace. Hux just got impatient and wanted to make his power move. But regardless, there’s blood on his hands. Again. Daughter’s words about guilt ring in his ear and he takes his frustrations out on a training droid. 

He wonders if Rey’s heard by now. He wonders if she knows he had nothing to do with it. She had to, right? She had to know he was with her when this happened. There’s something ironic about the loss of this mining colony to be directly correlated with the fact that he left Coruscant to help the Resistance’s Jedi find a kyber crystal. There’s a pit in his stomach full of regret and he doesn’t know what to do. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY FINALLY KISSED. hallelujah.  
> follow me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/literallynooc)  
> and hang out with my one single brain cell. comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!


	9. chapter nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rey, where are you?” He demands. 
> 
> “The Force feels different here,” she comments. 
> 
> “Where are you?” He asks again. 
> 
> “Malachor,” she whispers. 
> 
> “You’re in an old Sith temple,” he realizes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a small time jump at the beginning -- just want to reiterate that so you don't miss it :)

**Three Standard Months Later**

Rey trains harder than she has before. She works on making her form with her new lightsaber perfect. She won’t let herself get away with anything less. She keeps her shields up and tries not to speak to Ben. 

She feels him nudge the bond sometimes, usually when it would be nighttime on Coruscant. She can’t exactly blame him. She’s lonely as well. And it’s not that she’s angry at Kylo necessarily. It’s that she feels guilty for what happened on the Otomok system. It’s that she’s scared of the future and the mantle that’s been laid upon them. 

The Resistance receives an old rebel distress call from Malachor. It’s a desolate planet known to have a Sith temple. The distress call doesn’t end. Leia doesn’t like it, but she decides to send Finn and Rey to check it out. 

Rey tries to hide her excitement about this mission. It’s been months since she’s been off-world. The bounty on her head is too high and it’s been too dangerous to make any moves. She can sense Finn’s trepidation about going to Malachor so she reigns in her eagerness. 

The flight to Malachor stresses Rey out. Finn is so unsettled she can hardly sit still herself. 

“Will you please calm down? It’s likely just a malfunctioning old ship,” Rey finally tells Finn. 

“We’re going to an abandoned Sith planet. It’s weird,” he counters. 

“It’ll be okay,” Rey says. 

R2 beeps in agreement with Rey. 

“See, even R2 isn’t scared.”

“He’s seen worse. Doesn’t mean I have,” Finn shakes his head. 

Rey stays quiet. 

She wonders if she should have told Ben she was going to an old Sith planet. 

She shakes off the thought and double checks the controls. 

It was going to be a long four hours. 

💥💥💥

Once they finally land on Malachor, Finn puts on a facade that reminds Rey vaguely of how he acted on Jakku and Takodana before the First Order attacked. A little reckless, a little proud, and hiding all his trepidation. Rey would be lying if she didn’t feel a little of that herself. She fell into this game, into being a Jedi. She didn’t know what she was doing. It was all an act.

The planet is desolate. There’s nothing there. R2 beeps cautiously as Finn and Rey explore. All of a sudden, they come to a tall obelisk in the middle of the ground. 

“There’s not even a ship that could have sent a distress signal around,” Finn remarks. 

“I know,” Rey says, getting closer to the obelisk. 

“Don’t touch it, Rey.”

“I think I’m supposed to,” she says as she touches her hand to it. The black obelisk turns red under her hand and the ground begins to shake and drops them through the ground. 

They land with a thud. 

“What the hell was that?” Finn asks, shocked. 

R2 shrieks and Rey shakes off dust as she gets up. 

“No idea,” Rey shrugs, “it just called to me.”

There are stairs leading to a large building and a there is an old X-Wing. 

Finn notices it first. 

“I guess it worked,” he points at the X-Wing. He takes out his blaster and Rey ignites the lightsaber. 

They gingerly walk to the X-Wing, on the defensive. 

They open the cockpit and there’s nothing. The commlink works, and R2 confirms that’s where the signal came from. 

“So where is anyone?” Rey asks. 

“No clue. But I do _not_ like it here,” Finn says. 

“I think I need to go up those stairs. The Force is calling me there,” she notices. 

“I’ll go with you,” he says. 

“No. The Force wants me to do this on my own,” she says firmly. She breaks away from Finn and R2 and sprints up the stairs. She stares at the door for a moment before raising it with the Force. It’s easy. 

Once she’s through the door, she realizes it’s a temple. Not a Jedi temple, though. She knows that. It’s not like Lothal. 

Rey uses the Force to propel herself to the center of the temple. The dark side of the Force fills the room and she briefly turns back to the entrance. The door’s shut tight. There’s no way Finn can get in. 

_Good_ , she thinks. 

She’s felt the dark before. She’s used the dark before. She’s been inside Kylo Ren’s mind as he used the dark. But this was different. She knew Finn would be scared of the power. Scared of how she used it. 

It was as if she had ascended to a higher plane of using the Force and she craved more. Shadows fill the room and a voice guides her up the stairs of the temple to a turbolift. She takes it, throwing caution to the wind. 

She’s let out on a ledge. Across the way, she notices something. 

_A holocron,_ a voice inside her head tells her. 

Everything about this reminds her vaguely of her time on Ilum in a warped way. She makes her way to the holocron, drawn to it. The shadows follow her and she hears voices swirling around in a language she doesn’t understand. 

The cosmic Force is almost visible as she gets to the holocron. It surges around the pedestal and Rey’s eyes are ablaze with desire, yearning, power, envy -- everything she feels comes from the dark. It surges within her and she’s never felt the Force so heightened and viscerally. She reaches for the holocron and it becomes almost too much for her. Her shields are down and the bond flings to life. 

“Where are you?” Kylo asks, concerned. 

Rey doesn’t respond, she just continues to hold up the holocron with the Force as she examines it. 

“Is that a Sith holocron?” He asks. 

“Yes,” she says, finally noticing his presence. 

“Rey, where are you?” He demands. 

“The Force feels _different_ here,” she comments. 

“Where are you?” He asks again. 

“Malachor,” she whispers. 

“You’re in an old Sith temple,” he realizes. 

“Yes,” she confirms. 

“Rey, you need to be careful. Don’t open it yet. You don’t understand the power it holds.”

“Okay,” she says, still examining it with the Force. 

“Rey, you need to be careful. You don’t understand the power it holds.”

“It wants me to open it,” she says, still mesmerized by the holocron. 

“Rey, don’t open it right now. Please,” he pleads with her. 

“Why not?”

“Wait for me. Please. I’ll come to Malachor,” Ben says. 

“You’d come to Malachor?” 

“I can be there in three standard days.”

“Don’t,” she says as she turns away from him and looks back at the holocron. 

Kylo puts his hand on her shoulder. Rey snaps out of her trance for a moment. Kylo’s anxiety fills her as does the light side of the Force. Rey turns on the spot to face him. He places his other hand on her cheek and raises her face to him so they’re staring at each other. 

“Please, Rey. Don’t open it without me.” 

Rey reaches a hand up to his hand on her face. 

“Ben,” she says. 

“We have to bring balance to the Force. Be careful, Rey.”

She removes her hand and pulls his hand down. 

“I’ll wait for you,” she finally replies.

“I can be on Malachor in three standard days,” he reiterates. 

“No, no. We’re leaving soon. We just received a distress call from an old rebel ship. There was nothing here, though. Except this...”

“Maybe it was Daughter,” Ben suggests. 

“I thought she only dealt in the light side of the Force,” Rey ponders. 

He shrugs. 

“Who knows if there is a light side and a dark side at this point,” he suggests. 

“What do you mean by that?” 

“You know,” Kylo says. 

She does, though she won't admit it out loud. 

She’s quiet for a moment. She grabs the holocron and feels energy pour through her. 

“Don’t open it yet,” Kylo reiterates. 

“I won’t.”

Rey hears Finn yelling from the other side of the temple. 

“I have to go,” Rey says. 

“Be careful,” he cautions once more. 

With the holocron in one hand, she makes her way back to the temple door. She raises it with the Force. She thinks back to Ilum when at first she couldn’t raise the door by herself -- was it because she wasn’t using the dark side then? Finn and R2 look panicked as Rey exits the temple. 

“You were in there for forever!” Finn exclaims.

“Good thing you weren’t with me on Ilum. It took me twelve hours to find my kyber crystal.”

“Twelve hours?” 

“Yes,” she replies. 

“And BB-8 just was waiting for you alone? I’m surprised he didn’t leave you there,” Finn states. 

“I was surprised as well,” she says. 

Finn’s eyes dart to the object in her hand. 

“What is that?” 

“A Sith holocron. I think. I’m not opening it but we’re taking it with us,” she explains. 

“We’re taking it with us?” 

“Yes. Did you find anything?” She asks. 

“An old ship. R2 says that’s where the signal came from but there’s no one there. It looks like no one’s been there for years,” he says. 

There’s a flash of lightning and R2 beeps in surprise and moves behind Finn and Rey. 

Finn and Rey look up and see a figure coming down from the surface using a double-sided red lightsaber as basically a helicopter blade, propelling them downward. 

Rey hands Finn the holocron.

“Get back to the ship and wait for me. Be ready to go,” Rey shoves Finn out of the way, pushing him and R2 back with the Force. 

“Rey, are you going to be okay?” Finn asks before he follows her instruction. 

Rey ignites her blade, yellow light flooding her face. 

“I’m fine. Go,” she yells at him. 

Rey prepares for defensive forms. The figure lands and Rey can’t tell what they are. They’re fully masked and wearing armor, wielding a Sith blade. 

“Who are you?” Rey asks. 

“An Inquisitor,” they respond, slashing at Rey. 

Rey moves through the forms with precision. For a fleeting moment, she wishes Kylo could see her and how much she has improved since Starkiller Base.

The Inquisitor is relentless, though. An even match for Rey in all aspects. 

“Where is the holocron? I know you have it,” the Inquisitor asks. 

“I don’t have it,” Rey responds, her blade close to making contact with the Inquisitor’s side. 

“I know you’ve taken it. Did you think there would be no alarms? Do you think you deserve a Sith holocron, Jedi?” 

“I don’t have it,” Rey repeats. 

The Inquisitor separates their blades and attacks with renewed vigor. Rey watches her yellow blade clash with one of the red blades and Rey blocks the other with the Force. The Inquisitor manages to get a small hit on her shoulder and Rey winces in pain. She refuses to give in.

Rey pushes the Inquisitor back with the Force and resists the Inquisitor’s pull with ease. There’s a shocked look on the Inquisitor’s face as Rey runs forward, plunging her blade into the Inquisitor’s abdomen. 

Rey breathes heavily and gathers the Inquisitor’s lightsabers. 

She leaves the Inquisitor at the bottom of the pit and makes her way back to R2 and Finn. 

💥💥💥

Kylo walks down the halls of Coruscant as he listens to Mitaka’s updates on the Resistance. The First Order intel is getting dangerously close to Ajan Kloss and he makes a mental note to mention that to Rey the next time she decides to speak with him. 

He’s so worried about the Sith holocron he barely recognizes when Mitaka asks him a question about the bounty on Rey’s head and if he wanted to continue to receive updates on her. He snaps out of it and tells Mitaka yes, until Kylo says otherwise. 

Mitaka nods and notates it on his holopad. Before Kylo can give further instruction, he’s struck with a pain in his shoulder. It burns like a lightsaber injury. 

_It’s Rey_ , he thinks. He excuses Mitaka immediately and Forces himself not to break into a run to his quarters. Once he’s inside with the door locked, he doesn’t just nudge at the bond like he had been for the past three months. He bursts through her walls, she’s left them almost defenseless. 

“Rey, what happened?” 

_I'm with Finn. An Inquisitor attacked me on Malachor. I think they set off the distress signal. It was a trap,_ she says into the bond. 

“Are you hurt?” He asks, moving closer to her. 

_Just got my shoulder a bit. It’s fine. I tried to heal it but it didn’t really work well. I’ll try again later._

“I can help,” Kylo insists. 

_Not while Finn is around._

“When you get back to Ajan Kloss will you tell me?” He asks. 

_I will._

He’s feeling bold. He’s not sure why. Maybe it’s the dark side energy that’s festering between the two of them. Maybe it’s because he felt so scared when he felt her get injured. 

It doesn’t really matter why, he knows. 

He steps closer to her, almost touching her.

 _Ben_ , she chides. 

“I know. Finn is there. I’ll talk to you soon, cyar’ika. Stay safe,” he mumbles.

Rey blinks away tears and focuses on the journey back to Ajan Kloss, ignoring the longing she’s can’t quite understand. 

💥💥💥

  
Tobias sends a distress call to the Resistance on Cynda. He manages to get out, but he tells the Resistance it’s a lost cause for the entire planet. 

General Hux’s stormtroopers are given orders to kill all the miners on Cynda. The rebellion has gotten too large for the First Order to handle. The stormtroopers will take over the essential mining duties until they can bring miners in from other planets. 

The stormtroopers refuse. They lay down their weapons and don’t comply with the request. One stormtrooper comms the First Order command and tells them they refuse to kill the miners. One of the Inquisitors stops him with the Force and chokes him. The others stand by with lightsabers at the ready. 

The Inquisitor drops the stormtrooper to the ground. She looks warningly at the rest of the stormtroopers. They look with their heads down, not wanting to meet the same end as the stormtrooper dead on the ground.

“General Hux, what are your orders?” The Inquisitor asks over the commlink. 

“Kill them all. We’ll send in new troops from the academy,” Hux says. 

“As you wish, General,” the Inquisitor replies. She nods to her counterpart and they make their way to the main mining area. 

The Inquisitors address the Stormtroopers and the Miners together. 

“Today you will meet your reckoning. You should have known not to defy the First Order,” one of the Inquisitors says. 

There are five Inquisitors against twenty-five stormtroopers and probably thirty miners. The Inquisitors trap everyone in a ray shield. They can’t run. 

The Inquisitors ignite their blades and deflect the few blaster bolts stormtroopers are able to fire. The Inquisitors make quick work of the stormtroopers and miners, bending the Force to their will and slicing through everyone with ease. 

A pile of bodies is left in their wake. One Inquisitor makes their way back to the commlink. 

“It’s done, sir. Send in the new troops,” she says. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just out here incorporating some of my fave elements of rebels! also i changed the chapter count after some editing and consolidation!
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/literallynooc)! 
> 
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated!!
> 
> and check out my one shot for the house dadam kink collection [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26375194) (Rated E)


	10. chapter ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You kissed me on Ilum,” he states. 
> 
> “So I did,” she affirms. 
> 
> “And then stole my shuttle and ignored me for days,” he says, no trace of emotion in his tone. 
> 
> “So I did,” she says again.

Hux puts out a holovid showing the destruction of Cynda as a warning to the rest of the galaxy. 

The Resistance can barely stand the pressure and they know that’s what the First Order wants. 

“We were just there,” Poe says, staring off. 

“There are always risks,” Rose reminds him. 

Kylo finds out after the fact, like everything else with Hux. He confronts Hux and Pryde, set on killing them both. 

They’re in the boardroom in the old Senate building on Coruscant. Kylo shuts the door with the Force and rage is pouring through his body. 

They sit in uncomfortable silence for a moment as Kylo ruminates in his anger. 

Hux breaks the silence, speaking tentatively. 

“Sir, with all due respect you’ve been Supreme Leader for some time now and have accomplished nothing except abolition of slavery in the Outer Rim which made us less popular in those regions. We needed to take swift action against the rebellion on Cynda.”

“We cannot lead by fear. It will only lead to more rebellions. I’ve told you this before, General Hux,” Kylo responds. 

“There will be no more rebellions on Cynda. We have sent in our best cadets and our best miners from other systems,” Hux says. 

“And what about Lothal? What about the rest of the Outer Rim? You’ve scared them. Let’s hope you didn’t scare them into action.” 

“If we can’t crush the Resistance or any rebellions on Lothal with our current numbers, we don’t deserve to lead,” Hux says.

“I don’t disagree. But as I’ve instructed you before, I must be involved in all decisions,” Kylo states. 

“Yes, Supreme Leader,” Hux replies. 

Kylo opens the door with the Force and Pryde jumps out of his seat and leaves. Hux follows soon after, following a push by Kylo. 

Kylo’s alone and suppresses the desire to throw his holopad across the room. 

Instead, he opens the bond with Rey. 

“Are you on Ajan Kloss yet? Have you seen what happened on Cynda?” He asks. 

_Still en route. What happened?_ She asks through the bond. 

“Hux killed a company of stormtroopers and miners on Cynda. He’s sending in recruits from the stormtrooper academy to replace them,” Ben’s tone is quiet, almost matching her voice floating through the bond. 

_What? We had Resistance members on Cynda. Finn just got back._

“I didn’t know about it. He sent a holovid. I’m sure the Resistance has seen it,” Kylo replies. 

_No one has commed us. Do they know about Ajan Kloss?_

“No. Hux knows how to shield his mind from me mostly, but Mitaka and Pryde can’t. And Mitaka knows better than to hide anything about the Resistance or you from me,” Kylo reveals. 

_You trust him?_

“I can look into his mind.”

_What are you going to do about Cynda?_

“There’s not much I can do,” Kylo sighs. 

_You can’t just let all of the local population die._

“It already happened,” he says sadly. 

_Come to the Resistance, Ben. Help the galaxy._

“I can’t,” he replies. 

_I have to go._

She cuts off the bond and Kylo's left to ruminate on her offer alone. 

  
💥💥💥

  
“Tobias relocated to Malastare. We need to meet him there, regroup,” Poe tells the Resistance. 

“Finn and Rey haven’t returned from Malachor. Who are we going to send?” Snap asks. 

“I’ll go. Rose, Chewie, and I. We’ll take the Falcon. We don’t have much of a choice,” Poe responds. 

“We’ll hold down the fort here,” Kaydel states. 

“General?” Poe directs towards Leia. 

“Go,” she says. Chewie nods in response. 

“We’ll leave in four standard hours,” Poe tells Chewie and Rose. 

“I’ll comm Tobias,” Rose says. 

Rose heads to the comm tower and Chewie gets the Falcon ready. 

On Malastare, Tobias answers the comm.

“We have much to discuss. When will you arrive?” He asks Rose. 

“One standard day,” she replies. 

“Use access code QN-436 when you land,” he tells her. 

“Noted. See you soon,” Rose says. 

“Over and out,” Tobias says and ends the comm. 

He leaves his comm tower and walks out to meet a First Order Lieutenant and an Inquisitor. 

“Well?” The Lieutenant asks. 

“The Resistance will be sending an envoy in one standard day. I’ll meet with them,” Tobias replies. 

“Crimson Dawn will get half the agreed upon credits now and half when the Resistance scum is captured,” The Lieutenant states. 

“Thank you,” Tobias nods. 

“I will meet you inside the safe house tomorrow to capture them,” the Inquisitor says. 

“We will be there. And in exchange, Crimson Dawn expects protection from the First Order. Without question,” Tobias says. 

“Of course. General Hux has ensured you will be granted immunity. You may proceed with your operations on Cantonica without scrutiny.” 

“Thank you. See you tomorrow,” Tobias waves to them as he saunters off. 

💥💥💥

Rey and Finn reach Ajan Kloss hours after Poe, Rose, and Chewie have left for Malastare. 

Kaydel gives Rey bacta patches and Leia and Snap update Finn and Rey on what happened on Cynda. 

Rey barely reacts. She can’t focus on anything except for the Sith holocron burning in her bag. 

“Was there anything on Malachor besides an empty ship?” Leia asks. 

“An Inquisitor came. I killed him,” Rey says. 

“An Inquisitor was there?” Leia clarifies. 

“Yes,” Rey affirms. 

“We think the Inquisitor set off the distress call,” Finn replies. 

“But why?” Leia asks no one in particular. 

“I think it was bait to get us to the Sith temple,” Finn says. 

“Was there anything there?” Leia asks. 

Rey considers for a moment not telling Leia about the holocron. She didn’t know if she’d approve of Rey taking it, or if she’d react like Ben did. The holocron still calls to Rey and she has to find out what it contains. 

Finn and R2 both look up at Rey. She knows they’re waiting for her to take the lead. 

“A Sith holocron. I took it,” Rey responds. 

“A Sith holocron? How did you know?” Leia asks. 

Rey knows she cannot tell Leia a Sith artifact calls to her so distinctly; that it still does. She cannot tell Leia it was Ben who gave the object a name and warned her not to open it. Who talked her from the ledge as she desperately craved opening it. She thinks quickly on her feet. 

“The Jedi texts,” she offers. 

“Ah, of course,” Leia says. 

“I don’t know much about it. The Inquisitor wanted it. I don’t know why they couldn’t get it themselves,” Rey says. 

“Hm,” Leia says contemplatively. 

“They waited for me to leave the temple,” Rey adds. 

“Do you still have it?” 

“Yes,” Rey says. 

“We need to be careful with it. Do not open it,” Leia tells her. Rey notices how much she sounds like Kylo did through the bond on Malachor. 

“I won’t,” Rey swears, even though she knows there’s a dark side inside of her that’s clawing its way to the forefront to open the holocron. 

She didn’t think about it until she was telling Leia, but why didn’t the Inquisitor get it themselves? Was it because she’s the one called to bring balance to the Force and this is how? Was it because there’s something dark inside of her that the Force wants to bring forward?

She wasn’t sure. She wants to ask Ben -- he’s de-facto in charge of the Inquisitors, wasn’t he? Wouldn’t he be able to find out why they needed Rey to get the holocron? She had to hope. 

Rey snaps back to reality when Leia excuses them. 

“I’m going to train,” she tells Finn. 

“You almost didn’t tell her about the holocron,” he notices.

“I told her,” Rey retorts. 

“But you almost didn’t. Why?”

“It’s a Sith artifact. It’s not...it’s not supposed to be something a Jedi picks up,” she explains. 

“It’s not like you’re going to open it and become a Sith or anything. It’s just going to sit there,” Finn says. 

“You’re right,” she replies, wishing she wasn’t lying to one of her only friends. But she’s gotten good at lying, hasn’t she? She lies about the darkness, she lies about the holocron, she lies about Ben...

She may be loyal to her friends and the Resistance, but at what cost to her integrity? 

“Do you want company training?” Finn wonders. 

“No. I want to be alone,” Rey responds rather sharply, unable to contain the small amount of spite she has for the Resistance and for herself. She turns on the spot and breaks into a run to get to the forest. 

She runs for so long she stops and nearly collapses. She fumbles her way to a rock and sits. She rests her hands by her side on the rock and tries to meditate; tries to feel the Force. 

A voice comes to her. An old Jedi master, she’s sure of it. 

“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose, you must,” the voice says. 

“What does that mean?” Rey asks. 

The voice says nothing. It’s gone, almost like a floating memory. She huffs in frustration. With her hands still resting on the rock, she feels the undercurrent of her bond with Ben. The cosmic Force, she thinks...combining with all living things and the living Force. 

She wishes she could grab the bond, manipulate it, change it, bring it to life at her will more concretely than they can even now. Instead, she releases her hands and _thinks_ towards Ben. He appears. 

“I’m on Ajan Kloss,” she says. 

“Did you make it there okay?” He asks. 

“I did. Not that you actually care,” she says. It’s a biting tone. There’s so much anger and resentment for what’s happened on Cynda. For what’s happening to the Resistance as a whole. He has the power to stop it, and he won’t. 

“You really don’t think I care about you? After everything?” 

“I don’t want to think about this,” Rey shakes her head. 

“Because you care about me as well?” He ventures a guess. 

“Ben,” she warns. 

“You kissed me on Ilum,” he states. 

“So I did,” she affirms. 

“And then stole my shuttle and ignored me for days,” he says, no trace of emotion in his tone. 

“So I did,” she says again.

“And now you’re angry at me again for something I didn’t know about,” he states. 

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“That’s it?” 

“Yes. I know I won’t change your mind. And I know you won’t come here and you know I won’t come to Ajan Kloss to be with the Resistance.”

She looks at him and takes a step closer. She starts to reach for his hand but drops it. 

“I shouldn’t have kissed you,” she says. 

“No, probably not.”

“I don’t...” She stops. Her inability to keep her mental shields up causes the rest to float through the bond. _I don’t regret it._

Kylo ignores it. 

“What did you do with the holocron?” 

“It’s still on the ship. I needed to breathe, so I came to the forest.”

“Did you tell...”

“Your mother?” She fills in.

He grimaces. 

“Yes,” he sighs. 

“I did. She seemed concerned. I get it, though.”

“What did she say?” 

“The same thing you did, actually,” Rey says matter of factly like she’s caught him in a trap. 

“Oh.”

“Why did the Inquisitor wait for me to get the holocron? Why didn’t they just get it?” 

“Not everyone can access a holocron, Rey. It has defenses in place for those it deems unworthy.”

“So what makes me worthy?” 

“My guess is it was the spirit of Son or some object of the cosmic Force willing you to find it. I don’t think that rebel distress call came for no reason.”

“There is no ignorance, there is knowledge,” she quotes from the Jedi code. 

“And there is no chaos, there is harmony.”

He looks at her with expectant, hopeful eyes. 

The words of the Jedi master from earlier ring in her ear. 

“I don’t know how much longer I can do this, Ben. With you as Supreme Leader,” she finally says. 

His face falls and he breaks her gaze. 

“I know,” he replies. 

“You kissed me back on Ilum. I started it, but you kissed me back,” she says. 

“So I did,” he says, matching her tone from earlier. 

“Do you regret it?”

“What do you think?” He almost goads her. 

“Ben,” she chides. 

“We’re on opposite sides of this war, cyar’ika. The Resistance can’t last forever.”

“Neither can the First Order,” she retorts. She’s icy and so is he. She frowns, silence building before Rey cuts off the bond. 

The Jedi master was right. She fears to lose Ben -- but she might have already lost him. 

_You might have never had him,_ she thinks. 

She runs back to the ship and grabs the holocron. If it was meant for her, she wants to open it.

  
💥💥💥

  
Poe transmits the clearance codes given to them by Tobias and they clear. He looks at Chewie and Rose and shrugs. 

“That’s a good sign,” Poe says. 

Chewie lands the Falcon and Poe hands a blaster to Rose while strapping one under his jacket as well. 

“Just in case. I still don’t fully trust Crimson Dawn,” Poe tells Rose. 

She nods and takes the blaster and hides it under her jacket in a similar fashion. 

_Let’s go,_ Chewie says.

“Do you have the coordinates of where he said to meet?” Poe asks Rose. 

“Yeah,” she says, holding up the holopad. 

“How far is it?” 

“Not far. He’s a few buildings away.”

“Okay,” Poe ushers them out of the Falcon. 

They make their way to the building and Tobias waits for them outside. 

“Welcome to Malastare,” Tobias says sarcastically. 

“Thanks,” Rose says. 

“Let’s get inside,” he opens the door and escorts them inside. 

“Nice hideout on this planet. Beats the tunnels on Cynda,” Poe comments. 

“Turns out having a planet destroyed might be the best for us,” Tobias says. 

“I don’t know if I’d say that,” Rose says seriously. 

“Lighten up,” he replies. 

“So what did you find out about the First Order?” Poe asks. 

“Shh! Not here,” Tobias chides. 

He leads them down more hallways and into a turbolift. 

It stops in a basement. 

“Well, maybe not a total upgrade from the tunnels on Cynda,” Poe remarks. 

“It is less dirty,” Tobias replies. 

“Where’s the rest of Crimson Dawn? I doubt you’ve all relocated to Malastare,” Rose says. 

“Spread out around the galaxy. Our leadership resides in Mandalore, where our original founder ruled.”

“Ah,” is all Rose says. 

They stop in front of a door and Tobias pauses. 

“Crimson Dawn looks out for the best interest of Crimson Dawn,” Tobias states as he opens the door. 

Stormtroopers rush them and Chewie has the presence of mind to start firing the bowcaster and they run down the hallways. It’s practically a maze and they get lost briefly. Rose takes out the blaster and shoots a few stormtroopers before they make it to the turbolift. 

“Where’s Poe?” Rose asks. 

_We don’t have time. We need to get back to the Falcon_ , Chewie replies. 

More stormtroopers flood the hallway as they go up the turbolift. Rose and Chewie see Poe kicking stormtroopers and resisting restraints. 

“Go. Get out of here,” Poe yells. 

“Get him on the ship to Coruscant,” a First Order lieutenant instructs the stormtroopers.

Rose hesitates, but Chewie drags her out. They sprint back to the Falcon, with Chewie covering them with the bowcaster. 

“So much for not making a scene,” Rose remarks. 

They reach the Falcon and Chewie instructs Rose how to co-pilot. 

“I am not prepared for this,” she says. 

Take-off isn’t easy, with no gunner covering them and stormtroopers firing at them. 

They barely make it to hyperspace, and Rose finally breaks her concentration enough to comm the Resistance base. 

“It was a trap. They have Poe. They’re taking him to Coruscant,” Rose tells Kaydel on the comm. 

“Let me get the General,” Kaydel responds. 

Leia hops on the comm. 

“We’ll send coordinates to rendezvous in the lower levels,” Leia replies. 

_We’ll get there,_ Chewie says. 

He inputs the coordinates and makes the jump. 

  
💥💥💥

  
“Sir, troops on Malastare have captured a Resistance pilot. Poe Dameron. They’re bringing him in now,” Mitaka tells Kylo. 

“Bring him to me. Interrogation room four. No one else,” Kylo says authoritatively. 

“Yes, sir,” Mitaka briskly walks away. 

“Sir, we have probe and interrogation droids for a reason,” Hux says. 

“Dameron is the lead pilot of the Resistance. I’ll interrogate him myself,” Kylo says, and walks away from Hux. 

Kylo makes his way to the interrogation room and pushes at the bond with Rey. She has her shields up, refusing to acknowledge his presence. 

_This is important_ , he laments to himself. 

Stormtroopers bring in Poe to the interrogation room and puts the shackles on him. Kylo stands to the side, waiting for the stormtroopers to leave. Instead, they stand at the door with their blasters still aimed at Poe. The probe droid waits to near Poe, buzzing.

“You may leave,” Kylo tells them. 

“Yes sir,” one says without further ado and they scurry out of the room. 

“I’m having deja vu. We’ve done this before, haven’t we? Going to break into my mind again?” Poe says, bold as ever. 

Kylo scoffs. 

“So the Resistance was colluding with Crimson Dawn?” Kylo asks. 

“Clearly,” Poe replies. 

“A little below the morality levels the Resistance likes to boast,” Kylo says. 

“The First Order has left us with little options.”

Kylo tries to get ahold of Rey again. She pushes him out almost violently. He can feel dark energy behind it, and he’s certain she’s trying to open the holocron. 

“I’m not going to tell you where our base is.”

“I don’t need to know,” Kylo states plainly. _I don’t need to know because your precious Jedi has told me where the base is_ , he thinks to himself. 

“Well, what are you waiting for? Do your worst,” Poe almost goads him. 

Kylo moves closer to Poe and Poe braces himself for the probe droid to begin torturing him. 

Kylo waves his hand over Poe’s face and mind tricks him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments + kudos greatly appreciated! also -- please let me know if you'd like me to update twice a week instead? i have this work done so it's not an issue!
> 
> follow me on [twitter](twitter.com/literallynooc)!


	11. chapter eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey runs at him, her blade meeting his. 
> 
> “I haven’t seen the lightsaber yet,” Kylo comments. 
> 
> Rey grunts in response as she swings the blade once more. Kylo acts like it’s nothing to deflect her hit. 
> 
> “Do you know what a yellow crystal means?” He asks, blocking a hit near his shoulder. 
> 
> Rey locks eyes with him for the first time since she made planetfall. 
> 
> “Balance. Balance in the force. So why are you resisting it?”
> 
> “I am not resisting anything,” she retorts. 
> 
> “This isn’t resisting?” He asks sarcastically, blocking another jab.

“Go get Finn and Rey,” Leia says to Kaydel. 

Kaydel runs out of the office and nearly runs into Finn. 

“Where’s Rey?” She asks. 

“Out in the forest training,” Finn responds, “what’s happening?” He asks, noticing how frantic Kaydel was acting. 

“Poe got captured by the First Order. They’re taking him to Coruscant,” she says. 

Finn barely processes what Kaydel says before he’s running toward the woods with Kaydel in tow. 

He runs until he stumbles upon Rey, who’s staring at the holocron in her hand, trying to will it open. 

The energy pours over and into her, but it’s not opening to _teach_ her anything. It’s almost more frustrating this way. 

Rey jumps at Kaydel’s call of her name. 

“What’s happening?” Rey asks. 

“Poe was captured by the First Order on Malastare. They’ve taken him to Coruscant,” Kaydel says. 

“What?” Rey’s stunned. 

“We’re sending a small squadron. You have to go,” Kaydel tells her. 

“Right,” Rey says and gathers the holocron and follows them back to base. 

“You have the holocron,” Finn says once they’re on board their ship. 

“I was reading the Jedi texts. I thought I’d find something about it,” Rey covers. 

“Let’s just get to Coruscant and get Poe,” Finn replies, seeing through her white lie. 

They assemble a small squadron -- their shuttle and a few X-Wings. Not nearly enough if this becomes a full-scale attack, but hopefully enough to get Poe off Coruscant. 

Finn’s tense the entire way to Coruscant, and Rey doesn’t mention the holocron. R2 can sense the tension too, she knows. He keeps beeping between the two and Rey knows he’s just as stressed as they are. 

“It’ll go better than Malachor,” Rey promises R2. 

“We can’t be sure about that,” Finn counters. 

“It’ll go better than Malachor. I know it,” Rey says stubbornly.

“Is what the Sith holocron told you?” Finn snarks. 

“No. I didn’t open it. I wasn’t lying about that. I don’t even know _how_ to open it.”

“You sure looked like you were trying hard to open it,” Finn says. 

“Can we please stop arguing, Finn? I’m not becoming a Sith or whatever you think I’m doing. I was just trying to figure out why we were called to Malachor. That seems important.”

Finn pauses for a moment, considering her words. 

“You’re right. I’m sorry. Let’s focus on Poe,” Finn puts his hand on her shoulder and then pulls her into a hug. 

Years into having a _family_ or whatever the Resistance was to Rey, she didn’t understand affection. She was starved for it, but any time someone got close it almost makes her uncomfortable. She doesn’t know how to respond. 

She shuts off the over-thinking portion of her brain and hugs him back, knowing he needs reassurance that Poe will be okay as well.

“We’ll get him back. I promise,” she replies.

R2 beeps and Finn nods. 

“Two hours until planetfall,” Finn announces over the commnlink to the rest of the squadron.

💥💥💥

  
Kylo mind tricks Poe and disengages the probe droid. He opens the door with the Force and immediately mind trucks the two stormtroopers into releasing Poe from his restraints. Kylo walks away, willfully ignoring what’s about to happen. He comms Hux. 

“You were right. He’s giving me nothing. I left him with the stormtroopers and the probe droid. I expect a report tomorrow morning,” Kylo says. 

“Yes, sir,” Hux responds. 

Kylo’s covered all his bases. There’s no way he can be blamed for Dameron’s escape. He didn’t know why he was doing this. Rey’s demonstrated too many times that she’ll never join him. And he can’t go to the Resistance. Not only does he not agree with everything they stand for, he knows he can’t face his mother ever again. 

At the same time, he can’t stand what the First Order is. What he’s become since he joined. Snoke gave him no choice, and now he felt like he was scrambling to improve the First Order before Hux inevitably tried to usurp him. 

He pushes the bond again, but there’s nothing. 

Back in the interrogation room, Poe takes one of the stormtrooper uniforms and runs out. 

He makes it out of the Senate building with ease, and at least he has a blaster now. He’s not really sure how he gets out of the interrogation room, but that doesn’t concern him right now. 

He tries to figure out where they keep their ships, but Coruscant is too large and the First Order’s reach sprawls far. 

Poe finally reaches a hangar bay and attempts to get into a TIE. Alarms go off, and he realizes his presence is known. They close the hangar bay and blaster bolts fly near him. He quickly abandons the thought of flying a TIE through the closed bay door. 

Instead, he shoots back and makes his way out of the hangar bay by the skin of his teeth. 

Dozens of stormtroopers are in pursuit of him, and he enters the garden maze to try and throw them off.

  
💥💥💥

  
Finn, Rey, and the squadron find Rose and Chewie on the lower levels of Coruscant. 

“They have him in the old Senate building. I overheard someone saying they’re taking him to the Supreme Leader in an interrogation room. I just don’t know how to get in there,” Rose says. 

“Can you feel him, Rey?” Finn questions. 

Rey zeros in on Kylo’s Force signature. She can feel him so clearly -- the Force pulls her toward him. Poe’s still on the upper levels, she can feel his presence. It’s not nearly as clear as Kylo’s Force signature, but she knows he’s alive and moving.

She regrets pushing Kylo out of her head before. He was trying to warn her, to contact her about Poe -- she was certain. And instead she pushed him away because she thought he was going to berate her about the holocron. She pushes at the bond and Kylo appears to her almost instantly. 

_I’m sorry I pushed you away earlier_ , she says. 

_We don’t have time for apologies,_ he responds.

 _What happened? Where’s Poe?_ she questions. 

_They brought him in from Malastare for interrogation. They figured he would tell where the base is._

_Did he?_

_No, I insisted I would interrogate him myself. And then I left, told Hux the stormtroopers and probe droid could handle the rest._

_So he’s still in the interrogation room?_

_No, I mind tricked him and the stormtroopers. There was an alarm in a hangar bay near the senate building. I assume he’s either got a TIE or he made his way to the gardens._

_Why did you help him?_ She asks pointedly. 

_Why do you think?_

_They sent me to Coruscant. With a squadron to get him,_ she deflects. 

_Ah. So will I see you soon, cyar’ika?_ Ben knows he’s provoking her.

 _I assume so. Is this where we end?_ She asks, matching his provocation. The bond cuts out sharply, and Rey centers herself in reality. 

“He’s escaped. I don’t know how. He’s maybe in the gardens, but I think there are stormtroopers coming. We have to move. Take the Falcon and get Poe. The rest of us will hold off the stormtroopers,” Rey tells the group and they jump into action immediately. 

Once on the upper levels, they spot Poe sprinting through the gardens with stormtroopers close behind him. The squadron starts to fire and Rey utilizes the Force to jump out of her ship and activates her lightsaber. The yellow blade cuts through stormtroopers easily. 

“The Falcon is coming,” she yells toward Poe. 

Rey’s caught off guard when an Inquisitor appears seemingly out of nowhere, slicing toward her with a lightsaber. 

Poe stalls, not wanting to leave her. 

“Go, I’ll be fine. Get to the Falcon,” she yells, going through defensive forms against the Inquisitor.

Poe nods and continues running, dodging the blasts from the X-Wings and TIEs above them. 

Out of her peripheral, she sees some of the Knights of Ren coming her way. 

The Inquisitor attacks with brute strength, but Rey can match them. She refuses to let the Inquisitor use the Force to manipulate her.

“You’ll lose, Jedi,” the Inquisitor taunts. 

“I don’t tend to lose,” Rey spits back, her lightsaber making contact with the Inquisitor’s shoulder. 

The Inquisitor winces in pain but tries to shake it off and attacks Rey again. Rey’s defensive forms are near perfect, and she silently thanks training with Leia. 

The Inquisitor slows down their attacks, clearly reeling from Rey’s direct him. Rey takes advantage of this and moves on the offensive, thrusting her lightsaber through the Inquisitor’s heart showing no mercy. 

When the Inquisitor falls, two of the Knights of Ren rush over. Vicrul slashes toward her with his scythe and Ap’lek begins to engage his lightsaber. Rey holds her own for a while, but it gets harder and harder to fight both of them at the same time. 

She keeps herself focused and pushes away the anxiety looming. She knows she’s projecting it into the bond, and Ben appears soon after.

“She’s mine. Go after the others,” Kylo commands the other Inquisitors and Knights. 

The Knights know better at this point than to disobey the Supreme Leader, especially when it comes to the Jedi. They take off in the direction of Poe without question.

One of the Inquisitors willfully ignores Kylo’s command and ignites her lightsaber and lunges toward Rey.

“I said she is mine,” Kylo throws the Inquisitor back with the force. 

The Inquisitor gets up and follows the Knights of Ren, with the other Inquisitors following. Kylo made it known he was serious and he wouldn’t take disobedience lightly.

Kylo ignites his crossguard saber and steps into a defensive stance. 

Rey runs at him, her blade meeting his. 

“I haven’t seen the lightsaber yet,” Kylo comments. 

Rey grunts in response as she swings the blade once more. Kylo acts like it’s nothing to deflect her hit. 

“Do you know what a yellow crystal means?” He asks, blocking a hit near his shoulder. 

Rey locks eyes with him for the first time since she made planetfall. 

“Balance. Balance in the force. So why are you resisting it?”

“I am not resisting anything,” she retorts. 

“This isn’t resisting?” He asks sarcastically, blocking another jab.

She moves behind him with the blade and he doesn’t block it this time. Her blade is against his neck, inches from contact. She hesitates. 

“Are you going to kill me or not? You know I will not kill you,” he provokes her one more time. 

She drops the blade and spins him around. While they’re close, the bond springs to life. 

She feels him slip something into her pocket. 

_A homing beacon. It’ll alert only me. Just in case_ , he says through the bond. 

Rey does little to hide the confusion on her face. 

_Why?_

_Don’t kid yourself. Don’t forget the visions we’ve seen. The visions we’ve had. Since forever._

She engages her lightsaber once more and he blocks it. 

She moves through a few forms, and he blocks them effortlessly. 

Morai appears and hoots quietly, but both shoot their eyes up -- unable to parse what her sudden appearances means for them. 

A loud noise comes from behind them, and they see an X-Wing blast a section of the maze with stormtroopers. Above, the Falcon comes close to where Rey and Kylo fight. 

“Rey, get up here,” Finn yells down. 

Rey drops her blade to her side and looks between Kylo and the Falcon. She’s torn. Morai circles above.

“Rey,” Poe joins Finn’s cries. 

She looks between them again, shuts off her lightsaber, and uses the Force to get on the Falcon. 

“Get us to hyperspace, Chewie,” Poe says loudly. 

Rey’s eyes are fixed on Kylo standing in the middle of the gardens alone with his lightsaber reflecting a bright red light on his face. 

_I might have stayed had the Falcon not come,_ she thinks to herself. But she’s conscious Kylo’s still in her mind. She doesn’t hide it from him. He looks up at her and nods. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Rose says as Chewie takes them to hyper speed and they leave Coruscant behind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy halloween friends! 
> 
> [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26781247) is a short one shot I wrote for the reylo readers and writers spooktacular (Rated T)
> 
> and if you want some smutty fics, i have a few one shots on my page! 
> 
> hang out with me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/literallynooc)!


	12. chapter twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morai leans in closer to his neck, and he pats her in acknowledgment. 
> 
> The only thing the darkness loved was the light, he remembers Daughter telling him on Mustafar.
> 
> He walks through the world between worlds with a sense of unconscious understanding of the place. He finds the portal with ease, and steps through back to Mortis with a newfound clarity of the Force and his place in the galaxy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! i decided to update 2x this week because we can all use serotonin + distractions.

Rey’s exhausted by the time they get back to Ajan Kloss. She’s dead on her feet like she hasn’t slept in three standard weeks. Poe looks just as awful, and he’s still reeling from his escape and he’s not even sure how he did it. 

Rey remains silent. She’s not ready to tell Finn, Poe, and the rest of them about Ben or why Ben would let Poe escape. 

But she knows she has to tell Leia. It’s time to come clean about the contents of the force visions and the need to open the Sith holocron at the very least. She needs to go somewhere stronger in the force than Ajan Kloss, she’s sure of that at least. 

She’d remain silent about speaking to Kylo and she’d absolutely neglect to mention the kiss on Ilum, the fleeting desire to stay on Coruscant with him, the tiny, insidious part of her longing to return to him, the darkness within her she feels crawling to the surface. 

There’s a sense of anguish flowing through the force, and Rey doesn’t take stock in where the feeling started, with either her or Kylo. It’s shared now -- but neither of them bold enough to light the spark to connect. It feels too painful to see each other after Coruscant. 

It takes Rey a few days to work up the courage to speak to Leia. She plans what she’s going to say, and keeps the parts she plans to omit locked in the back of her mind. Leia couldn’t read her mind like Ben could, but she was strong in the force and would definitely be able to tell if Rey tried to hide something so plainly. 

“General, may I speak with you? It’s important,” Rey approaches Leia one afternoon, after lunch when Rey knew Leia’s schedule was light. 

“Of course,” Leia says, noting the serious look on Rey’s face. 

Once in Leia’s office, Rey places the holocron on the desk. 

“I have some things I need to tell you. About the force,” Rey begins. 

“Go on,” Leia says. 

“I’ve had force visions all my life. I didn’t know that’s what they were. But I have. And back on Lothal, I...I can’t explain it, really. But I had an experience in an abandoned Jedi temple. It didn’t exist to other people...just me. I’ve had force visions since then, as well.”

“What are the visions of?” Leia asks. 

“Do you know about the Mortis gods?” 

“No,” Leia replies. 

“They’re the essence of the Force, charged to keep the balance. Your father was charged to keep the balance,” Rey says tentatively. 

Leia blanches at the mention of her father. 

“I’ve been told by one of the gods that I need to bring balance to the Force. It’s my destiny. Daughter, one of the gods...she’s been protecting me. Watching over me. She was on Coruscant.”

“I’ve always known there was something special about you, Rey. I’ve felt in the Force since I met you.”

“I think I need to go somewhere darker in the force. I think I need to harness the darksider energy coming from the holocron,” she gestures toward it. 

Concern pours over Leia’s face. 

“I’ve already lost enough people to the dark side, Rey.”

“I know,” Rey says solemnly. 

“Is Ben involved?”

“These visions are my own. I need to do this, Leia. I won’t let you down. I won’t abandon the resistance,” Rey speaks assuredly. She’s not even lying. While Ben may have seen these visions as well, they were still hers. She wouldn’t let anyone take that from her. 

She’s spent too many months being scared of the visions. Being scared of what’s asked of her. She’s reclaiming it now. 

Leia’s face softens. 

“When are you leaving?” She asks. 

“In the morning, if that’s okay.”

“We’ll give you a homing beacon and a direct commlink to me. And take R2. I’ll feel better that way.”

“Okay,” Rey replies. She feels like she almost doesn’t deserve the kindness Leia affords her, especially when Rey’s lying to her about speaking to Ben. 

_Self-preservation,_ she reminds herself. 

In her quarters, she packs up everything she may need, including her quarterstaff which had relegated to a corner of the room once she made her lightsaber. 

Finn stops by her room right late at night, and Rey wills herself to relax. 

“There’s a rumor you’re leaving tomorrow. Super secret mission,” he says. 

“I am,” she replies. 

“Were you going to tell me?” 

“Tomorrow morning before I left,” she shrugs. 

“Where are you going?” 

“A Sith planet. I’ve had visions. I’m...I have to bring balance to the force. I need to see what’s in the holocron. Leia agrees,” Rey adds like it’s legitimizing her choice. 

“Rey, please don’t go alone.”

“I have to,” Rey says stubbornly. 

“Why don’t you want to accept help?” 

“This isn’t about me being stubborn. It’s about what the Force wants. What I’m destined for.”

“You’re one of my best friends, Rey. I’m worried about you.”

“I’ll be all right, Finn. I promise. I have my lightsaber, a homing beacon, and R2. I’ll be okay,” she says, pulling him into a hug. 

“You’re one of my best friends, too. I wouldn’t go alone if I didn’t feel safe,” she continues. 

Finn breaks the hug first. 

“Okay,” he acquiesces.

“I’ll comm you every night,” she promises. 

“You better,” he laughs. 

Rey’s sleep is fitful. She equates herself to a live wire -- too much pent up energy and nowhere to channel it. She forces herself to be social at breakfast, and her heart pangs at the thought of leaving her friends. 

She’s been trapped in two worlds for so long and this feels like choosing sides. The rational part of her brain knows it’s not true, but she can’t help but think mutinously. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Kylo throws his shields up once the Falcon is out of sight. He’s in so much _pain_ he cannot bear to see Rey after what happened in the garden -- after hearing her thoughts. He wouldn’t let himself fixate on what could have been. 

He feels himself gravitating toward the dark to an extreme degree. It vaguely reminds him of the aftermath of the academy and when he first succumbed to Snoke. When he killed Ren. 

He shakes off the thoughts and asks Cardo and Vicrul to spar to center himself and figure out the next steps. He’s off his game, he knows. Vicrul keeps getting easy his Kylo knows he should have been able to block. 

“Supreme Leader, are you all right?” Cardo asks after Kylo yields. 

“Distracted. Let’s go again,” Kylo resets, focuses on his forms, and pushes away any scattered thoughts. He’s more successful this time, on the offensive. 

Once Cardo yields, Kylo says a quick word of thanks and leaves the training room before either of them can say anything. 

He’d normally storm off to his quarters and sulk, but this time he sought out more distractions. For a fleeting moment he considers going to a cantina, but instead he walks toward the hangar, deciding to take a TIE and just fly. 

His plans are subverted, however, when Morai flies down to his shoulder and shoves him into a vision. 

Daughter is there, clear as ever. Ben’s head is just as clear -- almost empty in the way it focuses in on what Daughter’s place in the Force is. 

“You must go to Mortis. Immediately. It’s time,” Daughter explains. 

“How do I get there?” He inquires. 

“You’ll know,” she replies cryptically. 

“But--“ Ben begins, but he’s back in the real world. 

He comms Mitaka. 

“Prepare my shuttle. I’ll be going alone. I need rations, medkits, everything stocked.”

“Understood, sir.”

Kylo rushes back to his quarters, gathering what he might need for the journey to Mortis. He walks to his room of artifacts and rests at his grandfather’s helmet. He puts a hand on it and closes his eyes. 

“Guide me,” he requests. 

The Force is silent. He sighs and leaves his quarters, making a beeline for the Jedi archives. 

He studies the maps from when his grandfather went to Mortis. He uploads it to a data chip and comms Mitaka for an update on his shuttle. 

“We are almost ready, sir,” Mitaka responds. 

Kylo arrives in the hangar bay and prepares for the flight. 

“My comm may not work. Do not let Hux do anything without my approval. If I am not back in seven standard days, send someone to check my last transmitted location. Do you understand?” Kylo says to Mitaka, voice firm and strong. 

“Yes, sir,” Mitaka says with a pained look on his face. 

Kylo’s journey is uneventful, but as he gets closer he begins to get nervous about finding Mortis. There weren’t clear instructions from the Jedi archives. 

“You’ll know,” Daughter says to him again. 

He concentrates fiercely and feels the Force guide him to what seems like the middle of nowhere. It seems like the planet comes out of the middle of nowhere, out in this wildspace and he’s overcome with relief as he makes planetfall. 

He exits the shuttle and Daughter appears to him.

“Welcome to Mortis,” she says. 

Kylo nods and begins to follow her. 

“Son and Father are not here. Father sacrificed himself for your grandfather. Son did not figure out how to continue his Force life like I did.”

“It’s just us?” He asks, looking around with wide eyes at the vast landscape. He follows Daughter on a narrow, elevated path littered with trees and plants and he tries to take it all in. 

Daughter smirks. 

“It’s never just us,” she replies mystically. 

“You’re never straightforward, are you?”

“No, I don’t suppose I am.”

“Where are we going?” Kylo questions. 

“There is something you have to see. There is something you have to learn,” Daughter tells him. 

“And I can only learn that here?”

“This is the place to gain knowledge. But be careful, Ben Solo. You may not always like what you see. And I will not be like Father and take away your memories,” Daughter says evenly. 

“What does that mean? Did he take away my grandfather’s memories?”

“Your grandfather was shown his future. Including his fall. He couldn’t take it.”

“I’ve already fallen.”

“Have you?”

“You told me before I had to face my guilt. Nothing you could show me here would be worse than the guilt I’ve felt,” Ben’s face is stoic, but his voice falters slightly. 

“You have a lot to learn before you’re able to bring balance to the Force.”

Ben’s silent. Daughter stops in front of a large stone door. She raises it with ease and puts her hand out for Ben to enter. 

“The Altar on Mortis,” she explains, noticing Ben’s eyes flitter to the next room, “but that is not where we will be going. We will be going to the temple. To the world between.”

She continues her journey and Ben follows behind. He steadies himself and looks down at his comm. It’s not working. He pushes at the bond with Rey, and it’s like there’s a magnet scrambling the signal to Rey. He tries to center himself to the present and now. He would be able to sense danger.

They stop at a mural on the wall. It’s of Daughter, and next to her is who Ben assumes is Father and Son. Daughter takes her own hand on the mural and moves it, then manipulates Father and Son’s hand until a portal opens. 

“What is this?” 

“The world between worlds,” Daughter explains. 

“Is this the only one?” Ben asks though he knows the answer. He’s seen this mural before, he realizes. It’s a deep memory that’s been unlocked, from his time on Yavin-4. 

“No, but you wouldn’t know what they are until you know. People never pay attention to the world around them.”

Ben shudders as he walks through the portal. It’s like the world has flattened. It’s pitch black with white lines on the ground, a clear path. They lead to what Ben assumes are different portals. It seems endless and unreal. 

“You will know when to stop. I have someone you need to meet. She owes me a great debt,” Daughter rests her hand on Ben’s shoulder and gives him a light push. 

“You’re not coming with me?”

“This is a path for you. Morai will assist you if you lose yourself.”

Ben’s unsure why he doesn’t feel as terrified as he should be. He’s being left in a world he’s never heard of, with no way to contact anyone on any other planet. But he doesn’t. He knows Daughter wouldn’t lead him to harm and the path does feel correct to him. He follows the lines he thinks call to him. 

He walks for what seems like miles until he stumbles upon a portal that speaks to him. He hears voices clearer than anything else in the world between worlds. He stops in front of the portal and notices Morai sitting on top of it. 

“Is this correct?” He asks Morai, and she makes a small sound of assent. 

He takes a step forward and peaks his head through the portal. When he steps back, he notices a person wearing a hooded cloak has appeared in the world between worlds. 

The figure turns and takes down the hood, revealing someone who Ben recognized from the Jedi archives. Older, but still the same somehow -- Ahsoka Tano. 

“Ben Solo,” she says. 

“You’re Ahsoka Tano,” he says quickly before his brain can comprehend what’s happening. 

“You’ve seen the Jedi archives,” she assumes. 

“I have,” he replies. 

“What are you doing here?” He asks. 

“I’ve owed Daughter a debt since the first time I came to Mortis. I may not be a Jedi, but I care about the Force. I care about what’s happening to the Force.”

“And you’re here to help me?” 

“Not exactly.”

“I don’t understand what the Force wants. I don’t understand _where_ we are right now,” Ben laments, and immediately regrets how childish he sounds. 

“Just when you think you understand the Force, you find out how little you actually know. Trust me,” Ahsoka has a sly smile on her face. 

“Then how am I supposed to balance the Force if we know so little about it?” 

“Rey found the Sith holocron, didn’t she?” 

“She did. But I don’t understand what that has to do with--“

She holds up a hand to cut him off. 

“I left the Jedi order. I don’t know if you knew that. It was my choice. I didn’t agree with what was happening. I think you can understand that,” she says. 

“I can,” his mind flashes from the Jedi academy to the Knights of Ren to the First Order. 

“I didn’t feel like I had a place, either,” she says, sensing his thoughts. 

“So what did you do?”

“Whatever I could. And now...” She trails off and Morai lands on her arm. 

“What is this place?” Ben asks Ahsoka, hoping for a more concrete answer than he got from Daughter.

“A conduit through which the entire Force of the universe flows,” Ahsoka responds. 

_Well, it’s a slightly better explanation than what Daughter said,_ he thinks. 

Ahsoka pulls out a holocron from her cloak. 

“A Jedi holocron,” she says, handing it to Ben. 

“It belonged to Kanan Jarrus and Ezra Bridger,” she continues.

“What am I supposed to do with this?” Ben asks. 

“Darth Maul wanted Ezra Bridger to unite this holocron with a Sith holocron. It would bring immense power. Darth Maul wouldn’t have used the power for its intended purpose. It would have destroyed the galaxy. You and Rey, however -- you _can_.”

“We need to join the holocrons together?”

“Yes. That is the way to bring balance in the Force. It’s your fate,” Ahsoka tells him and Morai squawks in agreement. 

“How do we join them? And when do we do this?” 

“You should know by now we don’t have the answers to that. You have to have faith you’ll know what to do.”

“But--“ 

“He who seeks to control fate shall never know peace,” Ahsoka muses. 

“So I’m just supposed to let it happen?”

“I believe so,” Ahsoka says and Morai nips at her arm. 

“And now, it’s time for us to both leave this place. You’ll know your way back.”

“Ahsoka, thank you,” he says as she turns to leave. 

“The galaxy is counting on you, Ben Solo. Your mantle is heavy. Your bloodline is heavy. Your position in the First Order weighs heavily on you as well. Tread carefully,” Ahsoka warns. 

He nods curtly and starts on his journey back to the Mortis portal. Morai lands on his shoulder, offering him guidance and solace. 

Ahsoka’s comment about seeking control of fate will lead to never knowing peace stays with him. That’s what he’s been doing for months if not years. Attempting to take control of his own fate and destiny -- and clearly he was not at peace.

He rejected everything that Snoke wanted him to be. He rejected everything Luke wanted him to be. He’s sacrificed so much and worked so hard to try and take control of his fate back in his own hands. 

But Ahsoka was right -- he hasn’t known peace. He still feels unsettled and angry. If this what it took to find peace, he wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to do it. Relinquishing control was not his strong suit; and as much as he trusted in the Force and had faith in it, he always desired having some control of his destiny. That’s what happens when you’re doused with pressure to succeed at such a high level from such a young age.

He knows he needs to let go. Part of him knows Rey must do so as well, but she might have a tougher go of it than even him. He holds back smiling at the thought of it. However frustrating she can be, something is endearing to him about her tenacity and stubbornness. 

Morai leans in closer to his neck, and he pats her in acknowledgment. 

_The only thing the darkness loved was the light,_ he remembers Daughter telling him on Mustafar.

He walks through the world between worlds with a sense of unconscious understanding of the place. He finds the portal with ease, and steps through back to Mortis with a newfound clarity of the Force and his place in the galaxy. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Mustafar’s climate sort of reminds Rey of Jakku. She should feel comfortable, but it only brings her to a place of anguish, regret, and a sense of loss. She’s certain her feelings are amplified due to the dark energy that radiates from the very core of the planet. 

R2 and Rey explore the planet, and Rey makes them spend ample time to ensure no foes are hiding in the desolated forest or around Vader’s castle. 

Once they make it in the castle, Rey recognizes it from when Ben came to her after his knights injured him. His Force signature lingering through the halls like a ghost, haunting her. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but it causes her to long for the simpler days in their relationship. 

Before it was fixing the galaxy -- when it was just Ben and Rey attempting to be civil to each other after the hurt of the _Supremacy_. 

Rey finds a room in the basement to which she feels exceptionally drawn. She knows this is the place where the Force is the strongest, and she sets the holocron on the ground. 

“Go keep watch, R2. Alert me if anyone comes,” she tells him. 

He beeps and exits the room. Rey closes the door with the Force. She knows Ben would be angry if she didn’t tell him she was here, or what she was going to attempt to do. 

She doesn’t want to lie to him. She’s lied to everyone else. She can’t lie to Ben, too. She gently reaches out through the bond, but it’s like a dark wall has been placed between them. He feels impossible to reach. It worries her. What if he’s in trouble? What if he’s felt that she was on Mustafar and pushed her out in anger for not telling him? Or what if the darkness wants to keep her alone? What if her subconscious has cut her off to fall deeper?

She begins to meditate and feels like she’s falling through the ground to the dark, just like she did on Ahch-Too, just like she did in that vision. Voices swirl in her head, and she’s unable to parse through what they’re saying. She can tell some of them are in Sith languages, but it doesn’t concern her. It’s what they’re making her feel that matters. 

She reaches for the holocron, and part of it begins to unfold in her hands. 

All of a sudden, it closes. The voices stop. She’s raised back up to the room on Mustafar. Before she has time to recover, she’s pulled into a Force vision. 

Ben stands in front of her. 

She tries to reach for him, but something is keeping them apart. It’s maddening. She’s calling for him and he cannot hear her. She wonders if he’s calling for her as well. If he can even see her. 

The vision shifts and she sees Daughter and who she must assume is Son. Rey realizes she’s holding the holocron in her hand, and Ben’s holding one too. It’s not exactly like hers, but it’s a holocron -- she’s sure of that. 

The holocrons spin out of their hands and merge together. A blast of light and power fill the room, and Rey has to work hard to stabilize herself from falling. Voices fill the room along with the light, coming out of the merged holocrons. 

A voice Rey is not sure of rings clearer than the rest: “ _he will avenge us_.” Rey doesn’t have time to wonder what that means because the holocrons split apart with a flash and the Sith holocron ends up back in her hands. 

Daughter reappears.

“Join them together. You will know when. That is the only way to bring balance to the Force. To save the galaxy. You must,” Daughter says. 

Rey’s certain Ben’s looking _right at her._

“Ben,” she says. 

There’s no response. 

She’s thrown out of the vision, and the holocron feels heavy and on fire in her hand. She tosses it to the side and falls to the ground. She’s breathing heavily and trying to remind herself of what’s real because at this point, nothing does. Everything feels like it’ll kill her. She can’t do this alone anymore. 

She activates the homing beacon Ben had slipped to her on Coruscant. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments + kudos are really appreciated!! 
> 
> the "he will avenge us" line is from darth maul in the twin suns episode of rebels.
> 
> follow me on [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/literallynooc)


	13. chapter thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, Ben shoves at the bond, urgent and eager. Rey reaches back just as eager, her fear dissipating slightly. 
> 
> “Rey,” his voice is hoarse and scared. He sounds younger than he has in a long while. 
> 
> “I couldn’t feel you. In the Force. I thought you died,” Rey says violently, angry with him for scaring her. 
> 
> “I’m sorry. I could’t control it,” Ben looks despondent. 
> 
> “Where are you?” She asks. 
> 
> “Wildspace. I was on Mortis,” he says.
> 
> “You went to Mortis without me?” She asks, her anger turning to offense. 
> 
> “Daughter did not give me a choice. And you would not have wanted to see what I’ve seen,” he says. There’s a forlorn, dejected tone to his voice that Rey knows he’s not lying. 

As Ben exits the world between worlds, he’s almost immediately pushed into a Force vision. He curses everything and wants to roll his eyes. 

_What more can you throw on me today?_ he thinks. 

_Don’t test me, Ben Solo,_ Daughter responds to him. A voice in his head, not unlike the bond with Rey. But with Rey it feels organic, natural, _desirable_ even. This feels like an intrusion. Lighter than Snoke’s intrusions in his mind, but still unwanted. 

He knows Daughter can feel his trepidation and withdraws from his mind. 

The holocron in his hands begins to buzz and create tangible energy. 

He looks up and sees Rey. His heart plunges and he calls her name. She doesn’t flinch and he realizes she can’t hear him at all. Resigned, he looks away. 

The holocron leaps out of his hands and he watches it merge with the one in Rey’s hands. Voices, light, and a blast overwhelm his senses. He can’t hear any of the voices clearly. It’s all a whirlwind, and it’s almost too much. Out of the voices, he hears, “ _I won’t let him lose his way like I did.”_

Ben wasn’t sure what it meant, but it was ringing in his ears. The holocron returned to his hand and he caught a glimpse of Rey once more.

He’s cognizant of Daughter speaking, and he understands what she’s asking them to do, but he can’t stop focusing on Rey. 

The vision ends and Ben arrives at the Altar of Mortis to see Daughter on her knees, seemingly praying. 

“Daughter,” he says tentatively, not wanting to interrupt. 

“Did the vision work?” She asks. 

“Yes,” he replies. 

She gets up. 

“It takes a lot of effort to reach you both in the Force. I don’t know how much longer I can keep it up for,” Daughter says. 

“Why don’t you visit us one at a time? Would that be easier?” 

“We both know neither of you would believe the other.”

Ben’s face is pale. 

“I would believe her,” Ben defends, offended by the statement. 

“You have been enemies since the day on Takodana. You told me that yourself. But perhaps there is a soft place in both of your hearts for each other,” Daughter shakes her head. 

_The only thing the darkness loved was the light_ hangs heavy in the room once more.

“I have the Jedi holocron. Is there anything else you’ve brought me to Mortis for?”

“I didn’t have the strength to say this within the vision. If Rey does not believe you, Morai can confirm the information for her through feeling.”

“What is it?” 

“There is one last thing, Ben Solo. There is a reason you and Rey have been charged with bringing balance to the Force. Why you have to work together.”

Daughter pauses and gets up. She walks closer to him. 

“You are a dyad in the force. It’s magic in the Force unseen for generations. Two halves of the same soul. A shared soul, a shared mind -- nothing that Snoke created. That is why you have had visions of each other forever. That is why she _felt_ your fall to the dark.”

“A...dyad in the force?”

“Yes,” Daughter says. 

“You’re saying Rey and I share a soul?”

“You do. But I think you may have already known that deep down,” Daughter says with a sly smile. 

“She’ll never believe it,” Ben says. 

“You can feel it in your heart, and she will be able to as well.”

“That’s why the two of us are supposed to do this?” 

“Yes. Your dyad and the powers it gives you will defeat the First Order and bring complete order. You’ll fulfill your grandfather’s prophecy.”

“I understand why Father wiped his memories. I understand why he could not handle it.”

“Can you?” 

Ben stands resolutely, but cannot will himself to speak. 

“The Force is changing around you, Ben Solo. Can you feel it?”   
It’s a leading question from Daughter. 

Of course he can feel the change in the Force. In his mind, his grandfather’s time on Mortis float through his mind. 

He sees a part of the scene where Son goads Anakin, leads him darker with awful imagery of hurt loved ones and his inevitable fall. 

Did Anakin understand that leaving fate to the Force would bring peace? Is that why he still fell? Is that why it took him years to return to the light? Was the return always foretold?

“You have a long way to go to find balance, Ben Solo,” Daughter replies.

Ben’s mind feels fractured as he ascends to a different plane on Mortis. He ascends to a point of no return within the Force and his own mind. 

Daughter’s signature in the Force is far away. He’s all alone. He knows she’s not even capable of creating this. This is the pure cosmic Force energy from the very core of the planet propelling this.

In his mind, there are flashes of the past and what he assumes is the future. He wants to _scream._

Luke stands over him, lightsaber in hand. Ben reacts instinctively. Ben kills Ren. Ben meets Snoke for the first time. Snoke forces him in the wilderness, trying to survive. Snoke teaches him _pain is instruction._ It’s quick flashes, but he can barely stand it. It’s everything he’s repressed bubbling to the surface. 

And memories with Rey flash before him and his heart sinks to the ground. He watches himself kiss Rey on Ilum and fight her on Coruscant. 

The Force changes once more and Ben realizes it’s not his past -- it’s what to come. He doesn’t want to know the future. He doesn’t want to know anything, but he’s not given a choice. 

Flashes of images and voices circle around him.

“You’re not fit to be a leader,” he hears from Hux. 

A flash of himself and Rey in a bed together. 

“My time with the First Order is over,” he hears himself say. He vaguely recognizes the landscape behind him.

A flash of him fighting Vicrul, lightsaber locked with scythe -- viciousness flowing through both of them. 

“You’ve lost,” an Inquisitor says, lightsaber at the ready.

A flash of him kissing Rey. 

_Would he really get to do that again?_

A flash of stormtroopers trying to kill him. 

And then a more concrete scene:

It’s a scene on the lower levels of Coruscant that nearly breaks him. That makes him want to fall out of this vision. He can’t ascend anymore. 

He sees himself and Rey holding hands, fear painted on both of their faces. It’s disjointed and distant, but Ben sees himself kiss Rey on the cheek and then mouth, and hears himself tell her, _“in case this is the last time, cyar’ika.”_

He’s met with extreme pain and he hears Rey’s voice break as she yells his name. It’s an out of body experience, and he sees himself collapsed on the ground. 

He sees Rey begging Leia to help.

He’s jolted out of the ascension. The visions end. The voices end. He touches his face and wipes away the tears that have begun to fall. He collapses to the ground.

He refuses to be like his grandfather. He will live with the memories. It’s another mantle pressed upon him. Another legacy to grapple with. Another burden he’ll carry around. It’s not like he could run away this time like he’d done so many times before. 

For self-preservation, he’d always push away the idea of the _Skywalker, Solo, Organa, Amidala_ names. Kylo Ren was a way to separate himself from the legacies he’d rejected. He wanted to learn who he was on his own terms, but he ended up losing himself in the process. _Ben Solo lives,_ he thinks. 

_If he did not, the pain would not feel this detrimental. If Ben Solo did not live, I would not be this distraught._

It made him sick to think of this. Is this what Anakin felt in the aftermath of his ascension on Mortis? Is this why Father took away the memories?

The clarity doesn’t come. He can’t seem to process any more of the vision and no more memories come to him.

 _One day. What you need, you already have. Unfortunately, you seem to be letting it all go. Revelation may come later,_ a voice comes to him -- it’s vaguely familiar. He ignores the fact he’s begun to weep at the words.

There’s something so daunting about what he had seen and felt. 

What did it mean now? Would he have to work to make sure these scenes play out? Or are they pre-destined, unchangeable? Will he always end up bleeding out in Rey’s arms?

Ben refuses to admit it’s too much. It would give too much power to what he’s seen, what he has to do. He pulls himself up, centers himself in the force, and turns toward Daughter.

Daughter nods and pushes him out of the temple with the Force. He takes this to mean his time on Mortis is done. 

He sulks back to his shuttle and takes in the Force on Mortis one last time. He doubted he’d ever feel the Force like this again. He didn’t know if he was disappointed in that fact, or relieved.

His navigation systems are down, and he’s leaving the Mortis system flying blind. But he’s not concerned. Daughter was right, he could always make it. It’s his destiny. He’s sky-touched. 

  
💥💥💥

  
Rey panics after she hits the homing beacon. R2 can’t figure out why she’s so stressed, but she doesn’t tell him. Rey keeps pushing at the bond with Ben and nothing is there. It feels like a part of her is missing. What if he’s hurt? What if he’s become one with the force?

 _Wouldn’t he be able to contact you if he became one with the Force like the rest of the Jedi force ghosts?_ She asks herself. 

Before she can think about it further, she falls to the ground -- overcome by a shift in the Force. It’s the most powerful thing she’s ever felt -- and it’s neither dark nor light. It’s something more. She can barely stand it, and then it’s over. She returns to feeling the pulse of the dark side of the Force on Mustafar. 

She knows time has barely passed but at the same time she feels older and wiser. Something happened in the Force and she couldn’t figure out what exactly happened. 

Finally, Ben shoves at the bond, urgent and eager. Rey reaches back just as eager, her fear dissipating slightly. 

“Rey,” his voice is hoarse and scared. He sounds younger than he has in a long while. 

“I couldn’t feel you. In the Force. I thought you _died_ ,” Rey says violently, angry with him for scaring her. 

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t control it,” Ben looks despondent. 

“Where are you?” She asks. 

“Wildspace. I was on Mortis,” he says.

“You went to Mortis without me?” She asks, her anger turning to offense. 

“Daughter did not give me a choice. And you would not have wanted to see what I’ve seen,” he says. There’s a forlorn, dejected tone to his voice that Rey knows he’s not lying. 

“I’m on Mustafar,” she practically blurts out. 

“You went to Mustafar without me?” He’s referencing what she just said, but she can also tell there’s a genuine hurt hidden beneath. 

“Isn’t this how it always goes with us?” She retorts. 

“Cyar’ika, we must meet in person. I have too much to tell you.”

“Ben,” she begins. 

“I’m serious. This is beyond the First Order and Resistance. It’s beyond the light and dark. It’s about _our_ very existence and the Force,” he cuts her off. She pauses at his stress on “ _our_ existence”. 

“I already activated the homing beacon you gave me,” she replies flatly, giving up the ghost. 

“My navigation and comm systems are still down,” he offers as an explanation for not knowing sooner. 

“How are you flying?”

“It’s complicated,” he avoids her question. 

“Come to me on Mustafar,” she says, “I’m all alone.” R2 beeps offendedly. 

“Well, R2 is here,” she adds. 

Ben shakes his head. 

“That’s a dark Force nexus. We need to meet somewhere neutral in the Force, off the grid. Neither of us can be recognized,” he says. 

“Ben...”

“I’m serious, Rey. Do you trust me?” 

She takes a moment. She thinks back to their first fight on Starkiller. She thinks back to the fact that she felt his fall as a teenager. She thinks back to kissing him on Ilum, and while she thought she might regret it, she can’t lie to herself anymore. 

She thinks about the fact that he’s the antithesis of everything she believes in. But something has changed. Maybe it was always there, and they were both too stubborn to see it before. Too scared to even give thought to their feelings. 

“Yes,” she says finally, and she’s not lying. He relaxes in relief.

“Batuu. Black Spire Outpost. It’s in the outer rim. Can you get there?” 

“I’ll leave right now.”

“Cyar’ika, please be safe.”

“I will.”

💥💥💥

  
Tobias Beckett doesn’t have much to live for at this point in his life. Crimson Dawn is fractured, filled with in-fighting and he was tired of being a double agent between the First Order and Resistance. He’s tired of everything hanging over his head. 

He regrets getting involved with the Resistance in the first place. He thought they’d have more leverage for Crimson Dawn to work with, but they didn’t. 

It’s because of this he doesn’t even flinch when he tells the First Order Lieutenant the Resistance base is on Ajan Kloss.

  
💥💥💥

  
Rey lands in Batuu and waits at the docking bay for Ben. She doesn’t have enough credits to hold her ship so she mind tricks the attendant. She looks so guilty as she does it, and promises to herself that once Ben arrives she’ll make him pay for her ship as well. 

The First Order has credits to spare, she’s sure. 

It’s a few standard hours before Ben arrives planetside. She ensures her identity is concealed. She wears a scarf as a face covering and a hooded cloak. She bides her time exploring the shops and R2 stays close by her. Black Spire Outpost is livelier than Niima Outpost, and Oga’s Cantina looks tempting.   
  
Ben’s Force signature invades her space so vividly it makes her dizzy at first. She drops the necklace she was looking at in the shop and exits the shop quickly. She and R2 push past crowds to get back to the docking bay. 

She spots him at the edge of the docking bay, handing his credit chip to the attendant and she _runs_ to him. R2 whirs anxiously.

 _This wasn’t part of the plan,_ he angrily beeps. 

“You have to keep this a secret, R2,” she tells him as he struggles to keep up with her pace. 

He beeps in assent, but she can sense his anxiety. 

“I trust him, R2. I promise,” she assures him. 

Ben spots her in the docking bay and his face _lights up._

She reaches him and the energy between them is supercharged, palpable, a live wire ready to explode -- 

\-- He looks down at her with a hunger in his eyes she recognizes from Ilum, and he leans down and kisses her. 

R2 practically screeches, and they break apart. 

“The droids really don’t like it when we kiss,” he comments. 

“They’re protective,” she shrugs. 

“And I’m not?” He asks. In her mind, she returns to him begging her not to go to Lothal, to go home as soon as she can.

R2 beeps again, scared, and Rey bends down to his level. 

“It’s okay. He’s not going to hurt me,” Rey says. 

“I promise, R2. I won’t,” Ben tells him, softer than Rey’s heard him. 

R2 seems satisfied with Ben’s statement and backs away slightly.

It dawns on Rey that Ben’s known R2 much longer than she had. She often forgets that he had this whole life with people and droids who cared about him and she had no one. How could he have given it up? How had Snoke tightened his grasp on Ben so hard he left his family?

“They didn’t always care,” he responds, reading her thoughts with ease. 

“I know. It’s just...”

“I get it. Are you hungry?” He diverts the conversation, unwilling to talk about his family or his life before Kylo Ren.

“Yes,” Rey says quickly. She’s had rations for days and she misses actual food. Ben’s not sure the last time he ate, because Mortis warped his sense of time so much. He had tried to comm Mitaka, but it didn’t go through. He doesn’t care too much. He had to get to Rey -- that was more important. 

“Let’s go to the Cantina. But I don’t think they allow droids, R2. Stay with the ships?” Ben offers, the same soft voice. A voice that was pushed deep down for years, hidden behind a mask. 

R2 beeps sort of sadly, but goes onto Rey’s ship. 

“I’ll keep the commlink on,” Rey says. 

Rey’s never been to a real cantina before. There’s not one on Jakku, except for a large room where men would get drunk, but Rey knew to avoid that by a young age. Since joining the Resistance, they’ve been in hiding and she’s never had a chance. 

Ben opens the door to Oga’s Cantina for her and leads her to an empty booth. There’s a droid on a stage, playing music. Rey’s a little overwhelmed by all the sounds, sights, and smells. 

“You okay?” Ben asks, over the sounds of the droid controlling the music introducing himself as DJ-R3X. 

“Yeah, there’s just a lot going on. I’ve never really been to somewhere like this before. That droid seems like fun,” she laughs. 

“I think he’s pretty awful at his job,” Ben jokes as the droid watches a fuse spark.

“I don’t even know what to order,” Rey points at the menu. 

“I can order for you, but only if you want me to help.”

“Will you?” She asks, relieved. 

“Of course. I will say, this isn’t the nicest place you’ll ever eat, but it’s something.”

“It’s better than portions or rations,” she shrugs, feeling like she’ll never stop being _that girl from Jakku._ There’s so much she hadn’t experienced, and here she was being a traitor to the Resistance sitting across from the Supreme Leader of the First Order. 

He’s lived so many lives and seen so much of the galaxy. She’s just there.

“It is better than that,” he says. He reaches for her hand across the booth and takes it into his hand. He squeezes it gently and rubs his thumb over hers. A peace offering. A truce. 

In the rest of the galaxy, they were Rey, the Last Jedi and Kylo Ren, the Supreme Leader of the First Order. Enemies bound to kill each other in combat, diametrically opposed. 

On Batuu, in Black Spire, in this cantina -- they were just Rey of Jakku and Ben Solo, son of the infamous smuggler Han Solo. They’re not enemies here -- though she’s not certain they’ve been enemies in months. Somewhere, somehow Ben Solo has carved his way into her heart.

And at this point, the traitorous, inauspicious, even baleful part of her whispers to itself “ _Let it. Let him kill you. Let him worm his way even deeper. He is your destiny.”_

She snaps out of her daydream when he asks her a question.

“Do you want a drink as well? Alcohol?”

“Oh! Do you want one?” 

“Not really, no. Though there is a drink here called the Fuzzy Tauntaun. It makes your mouth go numb,” his eyes are distant but lit up as he remembers a fond memory. His walls are up slightly, and Rey can’t make out what he’s thinking of. 

“I don’t know if I’d like that. I think I’m okay without one as well.”

There’s a silence that falls over them, but it doesn’t feel uncomfortable. Ben continues to stroke her hand. 

“How did you know about this place? How’d you choose it?”

“We’re in a part of Black Spire called Smuggler’s Alley,” he explains. 

It doesn’t take Rey long to understand the implications of the explanation. 

“We used to come here often on trips to the Outer Rim. Dad -- Han --“ he corrects himself quietly, “used to get a kick out of DJ R3X. Loved him. And he used to secretly order me a Fuzzy Tauntan even though I was underage. My reaction to the numbness made him laugh.”

Rey smiles softly. Ben has a sorrowful, nostalgic look that’s paining his face. Rey instinctively moves closer to him in the booth and puts a gentle hand on his thigh -- a sign of comfort and understanding.

“I don’t talk about him ever. I...I’ve been better lately, dealing with my guilt about it. I regret it ardently. I do. I think you knew that by now...I don’t think I told you, but Daughter once told me balance is found in one who faces their guilt. I had to reckon with my actions. About my father. About everything.”

“You didn’t tell me that.”

“I’ve meditated. I’ve tried to train through the guilt, pushing myself and my body to new limits. I’ve come a long way, but I know there’s more I need to atone for,” he says, looking away from Rey, fixated on DJ-R3X’s mishaps with the music. 

Rey’s feeling emboldened by his honesty, and she leans her head on his shoulder. 

Some of Daughter’s words on Mortis ring in his ear. 

_You have a long way to go to find balance, Ben Solo._

Rey hears them, he knows. He feels her eyes burrowing holes into the side of his face, but he doesn’t look away from DJ-R3X. 

A humanoid waiter comes to take their order and Rey’s head springs up from his shoulder and they separate. 

“What can I get you?”

“Two fried Endorian tip-yips, please. And waters,” Ben orders. 

The waiter grunts and nods. 

“I cannot change what I’ve done in the past. You can see into my heart, my soul, cyar’ika. I am not proud of my actions. I’m not proud of my fall. But I cannot change it. I can only move forward by the grace of you, the Force, everything. But even so, I want more life.”

Rey doesn’t have the words to convey what she wants to say. Through the bond, she sends the feelings of _loneliness, belonging, remorse, understanding, uncertainty, fear_. He accepts them. 

The undercurrent of those feelings flow through their bond while they eat. 

“This isn’t bad,” she comments on the food, trying to break the silence. Trying to share the load by which Ben is burdened. 

“It’s a bright spot in Outer Rim food, that’s for sure. Though it’s not saying much, one time I had raw Paddy Frogs, and I don’t think they were _supposed_ to be raw.”

They both laugh and relax into the atmosphere of Oga’s. 

“We can...we can get a hotel here. There’s one down the way. A more private space, to talk. Better than either of our ships,” he suggests, his voice unsure and far from the confidence she’d seen him boast on the battlefield. 

There’s a boldness, though, one that Rey thinks could only come from Han Solo’s son. 

Rey considers, for a moment, the implications of accepting. Could she ever return to the Resistance as the same person?

 _No_ , she thinks, _but I think we’ve already past the point of no return._ He looks up at her, eyes the most hopeful she’s ever seen.

She grabs his hand and shimmies out of the booth. 

“Let’s go,” she says confidently. Kylo Ren might have thought he killed Ben Solo, but he didn’t. Rey’s sure of that more so than ever. Ben Solo is alive. 

  
💥💥💥

  
“General Hux, the Supreme Leader’s comm is still down. What do we do?” General Pryde asks. 

“Begin the siege. He couldn’t possibly be mad about us destroying the Resistance once and for all,” Hux says. 

_Let Ren do his worst. I’ll end up victorious when this is all over,_ Hux thinks to himself. 

“Right away, sir. The _Steadfast_ will lead the siege,” Pryde returns. 

“Kill the Jedi if you see her. I’m tired of him skirting around killing her,” Hux responds. 

“Of course, sir. No one will be left alive.”

  
💥💥💥

  
“General, you need to see this,” Kaydel’s voice strains, desperate. 

“What is it?” Leia asks. 

“There’s incoming star destroyers. They’ve found us,” Kaydel replies. 

“Start the evacuations. Send half to Bespin, half to Yavin-4. Make two jumps before they go.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Kaydel sounds the alarm and the Resistance base is a mess.

They begin the evacuations without second thought. 

A scrambling mess of medkits, rations, anything they can salvage thrown into their transports. Leia watches and listens to the comms and her heart breaks. 

It reminds her so much of Hoth. 

Leia searches in the Force, desperate to know if her son has joined the First Order in the assault on Ajan Kloss. She can’t feel him at all -- there’s a distant thread, held on by barely anything -- that tells her he’s still alive, but he’s not here. 

“General, the First Order is comming us,” Kaydel alerts Leia. 

“Send them through.”

“General Organa. I apologize this could not be a family reunion. In fact, your son has been out of comm range for four standard days. Instead, Crimson Dawn has betrayed you and the First Order is ready to lay waste to Ajan Kloss and the Resistance. I only am sorry your son isn’t here to see it,” Hux says.

“You cannot kill rebellion. You cannot lead by fear, General Hux. One day you will learn that,” Leia’s firm, uncompromising. She ends the comm.

A part of her is relieved Kylo Ren -- Ben Solo -- isn’t aware of this. 

“How far are we?” 

“75% evacuated, ma’am. They’re about fifteen minutes from planetfall.”

Poe starts a comm. 

“General, we need to evacuate you next. We don’t have time,” he says. 

“Let them evacuate the rest first,” she says stubbornly. 

“With all due respect, we’ve lost all other leadership. We almost lost you before Crait. I won’t let you die, General. Get on the Falcon or we’ll make you,” he pauses, waiting to be scolded and when it doesn’t come he directs his words toward Kaydel, “Kaydel, make sure she gets on. You too.”

“I will,” Kaydel replies, a little solemnly. 

Chewie _roars_ at Leia and she scrambles things together. 

“I know, I know. I’m coming,” there’s such a heavy sadness in her voice. They’ve suffered so many losses and they just keep coming. 

A loud _boom_ jolts them. The First Order has made planetfall. 

“Red Leader this is Red Four. We’ve lost Gold Two,” they hear over the comm. 

_I’ve lost everyone that matters to me, I won’t lose you either. Han would kill me from the grave,_ Chewie says as he leads Leia, with Kaydel and the rest of the crew they can fit on the Falcon. 

“General, we gotta get out of here. We’re sustaining fire,” Finn sounds panicked. 

“Bespin. Make a jump beforehand at least,” she orders. 

They pull away from the planet as they watch the First Order lay waste to Ajan Kloss, leaving nothing but dust behind. 

The silence in the Falcon is deafening. Who knows how many they lost this time? They had just barely begun to rebuild, to recruit, and it was ripped from them so cruelly.

“We...” Rose begins, but her voice breaks.

Finn and Chewie nod and make the jump. 

Chewie rants to Leia, concern in his voice. 

“This will _not_ be like the last time we fled to Bespin for refuge. I trust Lando,” Leia forces herself to stand firm. 

“I hope you’re right, General,” Finn responds. 

“Have we made contact with the others?” 

“Some are en route to Yavin-4. We can re-group once we reach Bespin,” Kaydel informs them. 

“I think we should stay separated for now. In case the First Order finds out again,” Rose suggests. 

“As much as I hate to say it, I agree,” Leia says. 

“Has anyone informed Rey?” Finn asks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone else hella miss batuu and dj-r3x?
> 
> the quotes during the scenes on mortis are from kanan + obi-wan
> 
> hang out with me on [twitter](https://www.twitter/literallynooc)


	14. chapter fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We share a soul?” She asks, stunned. 
> 
> He almost winces, bracing himself for impact. Bracing himself for her to scream at him, to tell him she would never believe it. His fears circle his mind, ready to attack.
> 
> “Yes,” he replies in a quiet voice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please note the updated tags friends!!!!

Once they reach Bespin, Lando has gathered stormtroopers who want to deflect. Finn and Rose head up that initiative, interviewing them, vetting them, and helping them settle in. 

It’s a haphazard camp set up, but it’s better than nothing. They receive confirmation the rest of the Resistance made it to the ruins on Yavin-4. 

It’s a lot for Finn to see _so_ many stormtroopers like him who had always known what they were doing was wrong. He feels validated and hopeful, but also *angry* at the First Order and the stormtrooper academy. 

As the stormtroopers integrate into the Resistance with a few hiccups along the way, it makes Finn feel slightly better about the loss of the base on Ajan Kloss. 

Leia was right, they needed people to care about the rebellion. The location didn’t matter. They’d come out of this stronger and more hopeful than they had before.

But there was still the issue that R2 kept sending comms that he and Rey were okay, but nothing more. He told them that she was in deep meditation, they couldn’t hear from Rey. They weren’t sure if she knew Ajan Kloss was destroyed -- and Finn was starting to get desperate to speak with her.

💥💥💥

  
After the cantina, Rey and Ben stop by the docking bay to tell R2. He tells her he’s anxious, worried Kylo will try to hurt her -- 

“Ben," she corrects, “his name is Ben.”

In her mind, she thinks he hasn’t been Kylo Ren in months. 

He was almost inclined to agree, but he says nothing.

“I’ll see you in the morning, R2. We’ll be fine,” Rey assures the droid. He beeps and they watch him go up the shuttle ramp and shut the door. 

“He’ll be fine,” Ben says, sensing Rey’s sudden apprehension. 

She looks up at him -- _god, he’s so tall,_ she thinks -- and smiles, taking his hand in hers. 

Ben leads the way to the hotel and there’s a nervous, excited energy that hovers between the two of them, making every touch electric. 

Ben checks into the hotel as Rey hangs back, soaking in a world she’s never been in before. He turns to her, extends his hand and they take the turbolift together, huddled close. 

Once they get to the room, Rey admonishes herself for feeling so awkward about this all. She’s nervous about being _alone_ with Ben with their kiss on Ilum and their kiss in the docking bay hanging over her head. She’s nervous because he had sounded so serious about what he needed to talk to her about. She’s nervous because _he’s_ nervous -- she can tell that he’s thinking the same.

“There’s a lot I need to tell you. I don’t even know where to begin, to be honest,” Ben begins, and Rey knows he’s struggling to form the words, strip away emotions, and focus on facts. 

“Start at the beginning,” she encourages him. 

“Daughter came to me and told me it was time to go to Mortis. When I got there, she took me to the World Between Worlds. Have you ever heard of it?”

“No,” she shakes her head. 

“It’s a portal to every Force nexus in the galaxy, essentially. The cosmic Force lives there. Daughter brought me there to meet Ahsoka Tano, who was my grandfather’s padawan.”

He pauses, collecting his thoughts. Rey gives him time. 

“She gave me a Jedi holocron. She explained we have to join the two holocrons together. It’ll provide us the power and knowledge we need to bring peace and balance to the galaxy. She said we’ll know when to join them together. We had that same vision after,” he explains. 

“Kind of ironic for me to receive the Sith holocron and you to receive the Jedi holocron, don’t you think?” Rey snickers. 

“I think it says a lot,” Ben says, seriously. 

“Sorry, I just thought it’s kind of funny,” she replies. 

“It belonged to Ezra Bridger and Kanan Jarrus. Darth Maul tried to get them to join it together with a Sith holocron. My guess is it’s the same one you have,” he continues.

“And we’ll just know when to join them?” She asks skeptically. 

“I was as skeptical as you are, trust me. But I think we will,” he says, letting the memories from the conversation with Ahsoka transmit through the bond. 

Rey nods, and Ben takes this as a cue to soldier onward. 

“We were dropped into that same vision, but after...after I found Daughter. She told me...she told me maybe the most important thing.”

“What is it?” Rey asks, leaning forward in anticipation.

“Our visions we’ve had of each other, our bond...it’s more than just a normal Force bond. We’re a dyad in the Force, Rey. Two halves of the same soul. We’re soulmates. We share a soul,” he does little to hide how anxious he is. He’s terrified she won’t believe him, so he projects the conversation with Daughter into their bond. 

“We share a soul?” She asks, stunned. 

He almost winces, bracing himself for impact. Bracing himself for her to scream at him, to tell him she would never believe it. His fears circle his mind, ready to attack.

“Yes,” he replies in a quiet voice. 

“Daughter said you could feel it in your heart and that I would too,” she comments. 

“Do you?” He asks, a gleam in his eyes. He told himself not to feel hopeful yet -- not to think that she’d believe it. He couldn’t get his hopes up. He’d been burned too many times by those he loved.

“I do,” she says, moving closer to him and taking his face in her hands, tracing the scar on his face. 

_The only thing the darkness loved was the light._

He leans into her caress, pushing his face even further against her hand. He sighs and puts his hand over hers, the contact burning him.

 _We really have lit the match and set each other on fire_ , he thinks.

“How am I supposed to be enemies with my soulmate?” she asks, bringing her forehead close to his. He can feel her breath and heartbeat. 

He can feel her resentment toward the First Order, the Resistance, the Force, to destiny.

“We’re not enemies anymore, cyar’ika. We serve a higher purpose,” he says against her skin. 

With the knowledge of the dyad, it feels like they’ve connected even more fully. 

She thought at the cantina they had reached a point of no return, but she was wrong. _This_ is the point of no return.

She kisses him again, it’s softer, but there’s a fire between the two of them that’s impossible to contain. 

His hands float to her waist, pulling her in close to him so they feel like they are one.

She cants her hips toward him even further and he groans, stumbling them both backward. 

He pushes her bag off of the bed and lays her down in a way Rey thinks was gentle and harsh but at the same time and she liked it. 

He refuses to break the kiss as he climbs on top of her. He holds her wrists down and straddles her, holding her in place beneath him. 

He kisses down her jawline and _bites_ her neck and Rey whimpers.

“I’ve always thought you would like it rough, cyar’ika,” he chuckles and there’s a devious smile creeping on his face. 

“Ben,” she chastises. 

“You can’t deny it now. Not now that I’ve seen how you melt under my touch,” he bites her neck again and she writhes below him. 

“Ben...” She says again, a little more dreamy this time. 

He pulls away and laughs at the way she pouts at the loss of him kissing her. 

He takes off his shirt and Rey instinctively reaches her hands for his chest, clawing at it. 

She remembers the hut on Ahch-To, seeing him shirtless for the first time. How it humanized him. Made her feel things she couldn’t name. And here he was now, laid bare. And _hers_.

She pulls her shirt off too and Ben toys with the end of her breast band. He looks at her, and through the bond asks, _“may I?”_

She nods, and there’s a mischievous glimmer in her eyes. 

He unwraps the breast band and runs his tongue over her, teasing her and caring for her. He begins to kiss down her stomach and when he reaches the band of her leggings he hooks his fingers in them, ready to peel them off --

“--Wait,” Rey says as she reaches a hand to his face. 

He looks up at her and he looks worried, afraid he did something wrong or that she changed her mind, and even though they’re soulmates that doesn’t mean that she wants to do this.

“I want this, I do,” she says, reading his thoughts. 

“I’ve never done this before. I just...” she continues, her face flush and embarrassed. 

He moves back up and kisses her on the lips again, soft and tender. 

“We’ll go slow. If you want to stop at any time, just tell me,” he kisses her again and returns to leaving a trail of kisses down her stomach. This time, he hooks his fingers in her leggings and pulls them off slowly. 

He kisses the inside of her thighs and she squeezes them closed, overwhelmed by the sensation. 

Ben pushes her legs open and holds her down as he traces his tongue around her clit. Her hips buck upward and he places a hand on her stomach, holding her down. 

“Stay still,” he whispers it, but she feels the _command_ of it all the same.

There’s a part of her that wants to resist the command, to do the opposite of what he asks -- after all, it’s what he _deserves_ after everything he’s done -- but there’s another part of her that wants to melt under his touch, to listen to everything he says, to let him consume her. She’s spent so long doing everything for everybody and making so many decisions, she wants to just _be_. 

She stays still. 

_The only thing the darkness loved was the light._

“Good girl,” he says against her clit as he grazes his tongue over it in languid circles. His tongue runs up and down her folds and darts inside her as Rey moans and resists the urge to writhe around. 

“You’re so wet for me,” he tells her and she mumbles incoherently. 

“You taste so good,” he says.

"More,” she manages to ask. 

A devilish grin appears on his face as he slides a finger inside of her, moving slowly at first. She pushes her hips towards him and groans, and he slips in another finger and moves harder and faster. 

“Ben,” she moans and he returns to licking her clit. There’s a pressure building inside her and he can feel it. He fingers her and runs his tongue over her clit until it finally pushes her over the edge. She squirms under his touch but he doesn’t stop as she cries out. 

When she comes down, he kisses her on the lips once more. She tastes herself on his lips and it’s intoxicating. 

“Take your pants off,” she says panting, trying to steady her breath.

He doesn’t need to be told twice. 

“Are you ready?” He asks, kissing her cheek and then jaw and neck once more. 

“Yes,” she replies and he positions himself above her. He guides himself to her entrance and slides in slowly, looking at her intently the entire time. He’s tentative, not wanting to hurt her. When he’s halfway in, she winces for a moment and then relaxes. She nods and he thrusts in all the way. She gasps and he doesn’t move quite yet. 

There’s a wordless acknowledgment that floats through the bond that it’s okay for him to start moving and he starts with slow thrusts, getting her used to the feel of him. 

It’s different with Rey, he thinks. It feels more right than it ever had before. It’s like he’s always been made to be inside her. She feels the same, unsure of what life was like before it was her and Ben, together, united, _one_. 

There’s a hunger in both their eyes and they’re both thankful for the bond -- it’s opened them up so fully to each other there’s an implicit trust and care that can’t be denied. 

Ben thrusts harder, faster, and he’s lost in Rey. She’s lost in him. For the moment, it feels like they’re the only two people in the entire galaxy. This is all that matters. 

He places a hand around her neck and she moans, leaning into his touch. His thrusts become more erratic and he growls as she digs her nails into his back. He finishes inside of her saying her name and then he releases his hand from her neck. Rey’s heart jumps into her throat hearing the way he says her name, watching how she has undone this man so completely.

They’d both never be the same. 

He collapses on top of her and kisses her cheek and then her forehead. He rolls off of her and pulls her down so her head rests on his chest.

There’s a weighted silence in the room, but neither of them seems to care at that moment. 

“I’m scared,” she finally says after what feels like hours in silence, quiet and trembling.

“I know. I’m scared too,” he admits.

“None of the visions tell us what will happen _after_ we bring balance to the galaxy. If we even can,” she says. 

“I know,” he says. 

“What if we don’t have a future?” She asks. Worry hangs in the bond like an illness that they both can’t shake. 

He places his thumb under her chin and kisses her cheek. 

“We will always have each other, cyar’ika,” he says against her cheek. 

She notices she’s crying and curses herself for not keeping it together well enough. 

“Will we?” She asks despite herself. 

He wipes away her tears. 

“Even so, Rey. There is no death...”

“There is the force,” she finishes. 

“Yes,” he says contemplatively. 

Rey yawns and leans against Ben’s chest once more. 

“Go to sleep, Rey. I’m here,” he says, clutching her tighter as she relaxes further into him.

They lay like that for hours, just desperate to be as close to one another as possible. 

In the morning, they spend hours kissing and exploring each other’s bodies. There’s so much they have to learn. There’s so much they have to feel. 

There’s the fact that they have to go back to the real world, back to their stations in the galaxy, and they want to postpone it as much as they can. 

It’s like a rotten fruit on the vine ruining the rest, the idea that they have to leave each other. Rey’s brain insists they can’t part. 

_You’re soulmates,_ she tells herself, _you can’t be apart._

 _Are we ever really apart?_ He asks through the bond. 

“Don’t go back to the First Order. Come back to Ajan Kloss with me,” she traces circles on his back that almost make him forget his duty. 

“Rey...” 

“Ben, please.”

“I have to go back to Coruscant,” he says with such sadness Rey thinks they both may never recover. 

💥💥💥

Exiting the hotel, Rey feels a sense of dread creep over her. What has she done? How has she let Ben so far into her heart, her mind, everything?

 _He’s part of your soul,_ she reminds herself. 

There’s tension between the two of them that runs so taut when the front desk worker greets them with “bright suns!” as they exit the hotel, they both jump at the sincerity. 

Rey wills herself not to cry or dwell on it too much, and Ben’s pushed it so far back to the hidden walls in his mind he won’t acknowledge it. 

“Ben,” she says. 

“Rey, please,” he replies and he’s pleading with her not to bring it up. Not to mention anything about what they’ve done. He doesn’t think he can handle it. 

She doesn’t hold his hand walking through Black Spire. They’ve set themselves on fire and they burned so hot she could barely stand to be in her own skin.

She _knows_ Ben feels the same way. 

_No_ , Rey thinks to herself, _I don’t think we’ll ever recover from this._

 _No, I don’t think we will,_ he tells her. 

R2 beeps feverishly as they enter the ship. 

“What happened?” Rey asks, the bliss from her time with Ben immediately dissipating. Ben’s anxious as well. 

_The First Order destroyed Ajan Kloss. Hux said they couldn’t find Kylo Ren but they found the base and destroyed it without his approval. I didn’t say anything,_ R2 communicates to her.

Rey and Ben exchange horrified glances. 

Rey jumps on the comm and Ben runs toward his shuttle, activating the commlink to Mitaka. 

“What the hell happened?” He asks Mitaka. 

“We couldn’t get you on the comm. Hux moved forward. He said you couldn’t possibly be mad about destroying the Resistance. I tried to explain to him --“ 

“--Did any of the Resistance gets away?” Ben cuts Mitaka off. 

“Yes, sir. They managed to load a few transports before they destroyed them,” Ben can practically hear Mitaka wince, preparing for Kylo to yell. 

“Then he wasn’t successful and it was useless. Tell him I will deal with him when I get back from the Outer Rim,” Ben says. 

“Yes, sir.”

“How did we find out where they were?” Ben asks. 

“Crimson Dawn. The Resistance was working with them. Tobias Beckett turned on them,” Mitaka explains. 

_Of course. They should have known better than to trust a crime syndicate._

“I’ll return shortly,” Ben tells Mitaka and ends the comm. 

Ben walks back to Rey’s ship _fuming_ at Hux. 

Rey’s on the comm with Rose when he returns, and he bites his tongue from speaking. 

“We’ve split between Yavin-4 and Bespin. We’re on Bespin right now, and there’s a whole company of stormtroopers one of Leia’s old friends found who defected,” Rose says. 

Rey shoots Ben a look like _please don’t tell the First Order where we are._ He stares blankly. 

“Lando has us all set up here. We’ll be good for a while. We’ve been training the stormtroopers,” Finn tells Rey. 

Ben looks up at the mention of Lando, but stays silent. R2 beeps and Ben knows the droid understands.

“When are you coming back?” Rose asks. 

“We’ve missed you, Rey. We _needed_ you. We can’t win without a Force user,” Finn replies. 

“I’ll come back tomorrow,” she says flatly. 

“Okay. We’ll see you on cloud city,” Finn says.

Rey ends the comm without further conversation. 

“It’s pretty surprising Uncle Lando is getting involved. He hasn’t wanted to be a part of the Resistance since the Empire,” Ben comments.

Rey doesn’t reply. Instead, she unleashes her fury. She hits him in the arm, hard. He doesn’t flinch.

“The First Order destroyed _everything_ on Ajan Kloss,” Rey’s full of rage and taking it out on Ben, and in her mind it’s rightfully so. 

“I never told them. It was Crimson Dawn, but I’m sure you know that.”

“Of course I do, but it was still the First Order who destroyed everything,” she retorts. 

“I’ve told you time and time again that this is what to expect with Hux at the helm. The Resistance was almost completely destroyed, can’t you see why it’s important for me to go back?”

“You can’t. You can’t go back. We need help,” she’s grasping at his shirt, balling it up with her fist and his body doesn’t flinch, but there’s a twitch in his eye that’s unmistakable. 

“Rey, I have to go back. You can’t destroy something like the First Order from the outside. I have to kill Hux. Don’t you understand?” 

“How can you be so calm when people have _died_? When a whole planet was destroyed?” She’s furious. 

“I’m trying very hard to center myself in the Force and not destroy everything in my sight. I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t. Everything about the First Order makes me sick,” he says. 

“Then why go back?” 

“My time with the First Order is almost done. I can feel it in the Force, and I know you can too. Perhaps that is why you’re so desperate for me to join you on Bespin,” Ben says and Rey releases the grip on his shirt, but she doesn’t say anything. 

“I’ll gather all the intelligence we need. I’ll kill Hux. I’ll kill as many Inquisitors as I can. Come with me. We can destroy the First Order and Resistance together,” he continues. 

Rey turns from him and _scoffs_.

“You want me to abandon the Resistance and come with you to the First Order?”

“To destroy it together, as one,” he confirms. 

She turns back around on the spot. 

“I will not abandon the Resistance. You heard Finn, they need me.”

“No, they need to use you,” he says, bitingly. 

“Stop,” she says warningly.

“When will you realize that’s all you are to them? A weapon. Our destiny goes far beyond the First Order and Resistance. We have what we need to do,” he says. 

“I won’t abandon them. They gave me a home, they gave me a family,” she stresses. 

“I’ve told you before that that doesn’t mean you owe them your entire life. You do not have to die for them,” his voice rises, unable to keep his anger controlled. 

“I owe them everything!”

“But you don’t think you deserve anything? You don’t think you deserve to be safe?” He asks. 

“I’m the last Jedi. I have a responsibility,“ she’s stoic. 

“And yet you cannot understand that I too have a responsibility.”

“It’s _different_ \--,” she starts to stress.

“--Is it because we share one soul, cyar’ika? Can you not afford me the same compassion you give your friends because you don’t think you deserve it yourself?” He cuts her off, cutting her to her core. 

She steps back from him, in disbelief.

Before he can stop himself, he continues onward.

“You’ve given every part of you to the Resistance. What’s left? Just my part of our soul? Is that why you hate yourself so much?”

He regrets it, of course. The way she recoils makes him hate himself even more. He shouldn’t have said it. 

“You’re right. Can you not afford me any grace because you can’t give it to yourself?” Her arms are crossed, her voice is acrimonious and Ben can’t bring himself to respond. His heart _breaks_.

“That’s what I thought,” she says. 

_The only thing the darkness loved was the light._

“Please go,” she says so quietly if not for their mental link he might not have heard her.

He steps toward her and rests his hand on her shoulder, gingerly, afraid she’d lash out again. She doesn’t, but doesn’t exactly relax under his touch either. 

“I have so many regrets,” he says melancholically, leaning down to press a tender kiss to her cheek, “you will never be one of them.”

R2 lets out some sad beeps after Ben leaves. 

“I know, R2. I know. Let’s get to Bespin,” Rey says, willing her body to move from the spot it decided to root in. For self-preservation, she shuts the bond tight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments & kudos appreciated as always! 
> 
> follow me on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/literallynooc)
> 
> and check out some of my other smutty one shots you might be interested in:
> 
> want you next to me — a smutty one shot (best friend’s sister/roommates)
> 
> control (to get what I want) — a CNC one shot
> 
> love me at the ungodly hour — an edging/orgasm delay fic


	15. chapter fifteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You’re not fit to be a leader,” Hux yells. 
> 
> Kylo pauses. He’s heard it before, on Mortis. This always had to happen this way, he realizes. He wracks his brain for what happens next, but he can’t pull the memory. He takes things into his own hands and ignites his lightsaber, holding it inches away from Hux’s heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changed the chapter count because i decided to combine a few of the chapters as i was re-reading to post this!

Rey arrives on Bespin in misery. R2 tries to comfort her, but it’s useless. 

“Don’t say anything,” she reminds R2. 

He won’t, but Rey feels terrible about having this droid be complicit in lying to the entire Resistance. But Batuu proved what Rey knew in her heart -- there was no way Ben Solo would come to the Resistance. She’s overwhelmed with heartache and hurt and didn’t know how she was going to move forward. 

She forces herself to keep her walls up. It’s difficult to think about him. Every time he’s mentioned in meetings she tenses. She remembers his touch, his care, and their time in Batuu before it all went to hell. She tries not to react outwardly. She can’t have anyone knowing. Sometimes she feels his kiss lingering on her cheek. 

Instead, Rey focuses her efforts on helping Finn with the stormtroopers who have joined the Resistance. Finn’s the happiest Rey’s ever seen him and there’s a renewed hope and purpose that pulses through the Resistance. 

Finn’s organizing, recruiting, and teaching the ex-stormtroopers. He remembers how he felt so alone on Jakku, refusing to fire his blaster. He thought no one else felt like he did -- but he was wrong. Hux was wrong. You can’t kidnap kids and expect them to blindly follow, and Finn was dead set on proving that to Hux.

Rey helps train some of the younger and less experienced stormtroopers, moving them through defensive forms and assisting with target practice. 

“We’re getting ready for a battle we haven’t even planned,” she tells Lando one night over Sabacc. 

“It’s better to be ready. We don’t know what’s coming,” he says it and she knows it’s to assure her, but somehow she’s left feeling more anxious than she started. 

💥💥💥

It reaches a boiling point faster than Kylo would have liked. He expected almost a year of this at the rate the First Order was going, but it’s a few months in when he loses control just enough that he tries to kill Hux. Kylo can’t take the smug look on Hux’s face anymore.

Toward the end of a meeting with the generals, Kylo brings up the stormtroopers who have deserted the First Order, and how imperative it is they end the stormtrooper program and start with alternatives. Hux shuts it down and Kylo raises his voice -- the other generals shift uncomfortably.

“You’re not fit to be a leader,” Hux yells. 

Kylo pauses. He’s heard it before, on Mortis. This always had to happen this way, he realizes. He wracks his brain for what happens next, but he can’t pull the memory. He takes things into his own hands and ignites his lightsaber, holding it inches away from Hux’s heart. 

The rest of the generals scramble, and Hux tells one of them to send in the Inquisitors.

“Do you really think an Inquisitor can help you now?” Kylo sneers. 

“I do,” Hux says. 

Kylo lunges forward, but Hux ducks. Kylo’s lightsaber grazes Hux’s forearm and Hux cries out. An Inquisitor rushes it and engages Kylo. Kylo swipes again at Hux and makes contact with his leg. The Inquisitor blocks Hux from Kylo’s blade as she moves through offensive forms. 

Hux pulls out a blaster, shoots Kylo in the abdomen before Kylo can even react, and runs away. Kylo makes short work of the Inquisitor, with a fatal blow to the heart and runs after Hux. 

He rushes to the hangar bay to find Hux has already taken General Pryde’s command ship and left. Kylo returns to his quarters, adrenaline gone -- to find himself still bleeding from the blaster shot. The pain sets in, and he moves to his fresher to find he’s out of bacta. He reaches out in the Force for his Knights, and remembers they’re all off-world. He’s alone and bleeding out, and he has no choice but to _beg_ Rey to let him in. 

Maybe this was a part of the galaxy’s plan after all. Maybe this was how the cosmic Force forced them to connect once more -- he had to hope.

💥💥💥

Ben’s clawing at the bond, a desperation she hasn’t felt from him before. He’s pushed at the bond before, and she’s almost given up on holding the walls many times -- but it’s nothing like this. 

She excuses herself from the mess hall. She finds seclusion in a small room off of the main building they’ve set up and locks the door with the Force. Slowly, she lets her walls fall. It’s a sudden flood of emotion and _belonging, lust, fear, anger, love_ float through the bond. 

Her mind pauses at the love but she pushes it away. 

Ben appears, solid as every time before. Had she been so naive to expect anything else?

He looks haggard and he’s clutching his side and is clearly in pain. 

She rushes over to him and it’s like they never stopped talking -- the way they communicate wordlessly, the way they understand each other’s every intention.

“Tried to kill Hux. Fought with an Inquisitor. Killed the Inquisitor and Hux got away,” he explains. 

“You tried to kill Hux?” 

“I couldn’t take it anymore.”

“I can heal you,” she offers. 

He looks up at her, the usual smugness gone from his face. His eye twitches nervously and it feels like the day they met on Batuu. 

She places her hands on his abdomen and she’s taken back to the time on Mustafar, before they had kissed, before they had discovered they were soulmates...it’s different now. There’s a weight behind what she’s doing that didn’t exist before. 

He folds over her and rests his head on her shoulder. When she’s done healing him she runs one of her hands through his hair, with her other hand rubbing circles on his back, soothing him. 

“I’m sorry,” he sobs into her shoulder. 

“I understand. I’m sorry, too,” she says. 

He pulls away from her suddenly, wiping the tears from his eyes. 

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to see me. I had no one else to help,” he says sadly. He doesn’t look at her in her eyes like it’d be too painful to even see her. 

“I was just so angry. I still am,” she admits. 

“I know,” he replies. 

“It hasn’t been easy. I’ve missed you, too,” she says even though she knows she’ll regret it.

He looks up, his eyes are glassy and he’s begging her to let him back in fully. 

“I don’t think our bond is meant to be closed,” he says. 

“I didn’t know how to react. I care about the Resistance,” she replies. 

“I tried to kill Hux,” he reminds her softly. 

“How long is it going to take, Ben? How long will you keep up the charade of Supreme Leader?” 

“I don’t think I’ll last too much longer. I think I’ll be dead sooner rather than later,” he shrugs. 

“Don’t say that,” she scolds. 

“Is it not what I deserve? Is it not the same fate that awaits me if I defect to the Resistance?” He’s quiet but scathing. 

“I wouldn’t let them kill you. Your mother wouldn’t let them, either.” 

“Ah, but they’d still have to have a trial. They’ll throw me in prison or exile at the very least. You know I’m right,” he responds. 

She opens her mouth to respond but stops herself. 

“Would you join the other half of your soul in exile, cyar’ika? That doesn’t sound fair to you. It’s best if I die,” he shakes his head. 

“Do you really think I’d rather half of my soul die?” 

“No, I suppose not.”

He closes the gap between the two of them and rests a hand on her shoulder. He leans down and presses a soft kiss on the scar from when they fought the Praetorian guard together and she shivers. The bond feels at peace for the first time in a while, since when they first arrived on Batuu.

_The only thing the darkness loved was the light._

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry...” He repeats against her arm. 

“I’m sorry it has to be this way,” he finishes. 

“Me too,” she says quietly. 

“Are you still on Bespin?” He asks, after a while. He shifts his head to rest against her shoulder once more. 

“Yes,” she replies. 

“They know about Yavin-4,” he tells her. 

“We heard. We relocated the groups who were there.”

“Good.”

“We have multiple companies of stormtroopers defecting. There are rumors of stormtroopers who want out who are on Coruscant,” she says. 

“I know. Let them. Let Hux rue the day.”

He’s feeling better, more comfortable -- so he takes a chance and kisses her cheek. 

“Ben,” she chides. 

“I never liked the stormtrooper program. I tried to get rid of it many times. It’s not right to take children away from their families at such a young age. It wasn’t right when the Jedi did it, either,” he says. 

“I know,” she agrees. 

He looks at her intently for the first time and notices the dark circles under her eyes, her dull skin, and the melancholy haze that’s surrounding her Force signature. 

“How have you really been, cyar’ika?” 

He knows the answer of course, but he needs to hear her admit it.

She sighs. 

“I feel so alone. I _am_ so alone,” she corrects herself. 

“I’m here,” he takes her hand and places it over his own heart. 

“No one knows me. No one knows anything about me or what I’ve been tasked to do. There’s so much pressure,” she’s annoyed with herself -- it’s the same as it always has been. Will anything ever change? Were they doomed to repeat this forever?

“Rey, I know you.”

She shakes her head. 

“No, I do. One soul,” he reminds her. 

“I haven’t forgotten,” she says.

“Ah, see I thought you had. Not speaking to me for months and all,” he says sarcastically. 

“Don’t make me regret healing you.” It’s a lighthearted tease -- there’s a smile creeping on her face and he returns it. 

“I would never.”

They’re still huddled close, and Rey thinks her heart may burst from the contact. The bond floods with _belonging, sadness, reprieve, desire_ and Rey shudders before she can help it.

He flinches and puts space between them. 

“I’m sorry,” he instinctively says.

“No, it’s not that,” she begins as she scoots closer toward him. 

She reaches for his hand interlaces her fingers with his. 

“It’s just...” She pauses, collecting her thoughts. She refuses to say the wrong thing, but maybe the pause is the wrong thing as well? She wishes it was easier to navigate this situation. “You were right, I think. The bond isn’t mean to be closed,” she swallows and tightens the grip on his hand. 

He turns and kisses her on the lips, rather brazenly. Her body melts into his touch like it had been _desperate_ for this for months -- like it had remembered his touch so viscerally and craved it. 

She breaks away, against her body’s protests of _more_. 

“I...I can’t do that again. Not when we’re still on opposing sides of this war, Ben. I can’t do it to myself.”

Ben looks crushed and she feels the same way. 

“Rey, please--“

The bond shatters and Ben’s ripped away from her when someone knocks on the door. 

She curses and unlocks the door with the Force. Finn and Rose come into the small room and Rey tries to keep herself together.

“New stormtroopers just came in. A whole company. Poe’s friend found them on a mostly abandoned planet. There are a few who were pretty high up and have some intelligence for us. We’re having a meeting now,” Rose explains. 

“What were you doing in here, anyway?” Finn asks. 

_Oh, just making out with the Supreme Leader of the First Order and if you hadn’t interrupted I would have probably slept with him again because I have no self-control when it comes to him_ , she rambles to herself. 

“Meditating,” is the answer she gives. 

“Well come on, this is more important,” Rose says. 

Finn extends a hand and Rey jumps up, following them out of the room.

💥💥💥

  
Rey doesn’t put back her shields but doesn’t willingly reach out to Ben. He doesn’t try to contact her either. 

She trains the stormtroopers and sits back as Resistance leaders make plans for an assault on Coruscant -- their planned attempt to take the Republic back for once and for all. 

Rey doesn’t contribute but makes note of how necessary her presence is for the siege. They couldn’t do it without her. 

They’re counting on her to _kill or capture the Supreme Leader._ That’s her part of this all. Leia’s apprehensive, Rey can tell but Leia doesn’t express her apprehension to the group. 

Rey offers up the occasional “okay” and “I understand” to the group.

It’s almost too much for her at this point -- the compartmentalization of what she’s been asked to do by the Resistance, by the people she loves against how she feels about Ben, how he’s her soulmate, how she knows he regrets everything he’s done as Kylo Ren. 

She wouldn’t kill him. She _couldn’t_ kill him. She has to tell Leia. There’s no way she can keep up this charade forever, and the Resistance plans on acting on this plan within the next few months. All of the hope she had for the future fetters -- she’s losing faith that the galaxy has a place and a plan for her. She can’t find it in herself to have grace for herself to take time to figure anything out.

It becomes harder and harder for her to concentrate, so she excuses herself from the meeting quietly. 

Outside, Morai waits for Rey. 

She rolls her eyes. 

“Of course,” she sighs. 

Morai floats to Rey’s shoulder, and Daughter’s voice fills Rey’s head and heart. 

“He who surrenders hope surrenders life. Do not give up. Come to Lothal, Rey. There is something for you. There is more you need to see.”

“Lothal?” Rey questions. 

“Lothal,” Daughter confirms. 

“When?” 

“As soon as you can.”

“I will,” Rey tells Morai before Morai flies away. 

Leia joins Rey outside. 

“Sorry, I just needed some fresh air,” Rey quickly explains her absence, afraid she had taken too long and was needed. 

“It’s okay, Rey. I understand. It’s all very overwhelming,” Leia comforts her. 

“There are some things I’d like to talk to you about,” Rey admits. 

“Let’s talk privately, then. They can get on without us,” she nods to the door behind them as she escorts Rey away. Leia guides them into the room Rey healed Ben in, and Rey shudders a bit. R2 follows them in, and Rey’s momentarily worried R2 will give up the ghost.

“I can tell you’re unsettled,” Leia points out. 

Rey takes a deep breath. She doesn’t know how to articulate what she’s feeling, so she jumps in. 

“The force vision I saw told me I had to bring the balance of the force,” Rey explains. 

“You told me that.”

“There’s another part of it. I’m...I have to bring balance to the force _with_ someone. Together. I think it references Be--Kylo Ren,” Rey catches herself.

Leia’s eyes dart up, scanning Rey’s face.

“Why do you think that?”

“During some of the visions...I’ve seen him. I’ve felt his force signature. He was there, too. Called just like I was,” Rey’s voice is even. She won’t let herself get caught this way. She removes all the emotion and only lays out the facts. 

“Have you spoken to him?” Leia asks, equal parts afraid and hopeful.

“Briefly. He doesn't know anything about the Resistance. We’ve been very careful when the Force bond connects us. I haven't talked to him in a long time,” Rey says. 

Rey ignores the fact that she spoke with him hours before -- before that it had been months.

“What has he said of the visions?”

“He understands more than I do, I think. I think he’s trying to leave the First Order -- but he’s _scared_. I don’t think he’ll come here though,” Rey replies, calculated. 

“So when they gave you the command to kill or capture him...”

“I can’t. I can’t kill him. I won’t,” she admits. 

“I understand,” Leia replies. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before. I was scared. I knew the Resistance wasn’t in danger.”

“Thank you for telling me now,” Leia places a hand on Rey’s shoulder, “and thank you for giving me hope once more.”

Rey’s not sure what to say. 

“He helped you with the lightsaber, didn’t he? I know we didn’t have the supplies.”

“Yes, he did.”

It’s Leia’s turn to be quiet and contemplative. 

“I need to go to Lothal. There’s something I need to do,” Rey says quietly. 

“Go. We won’t strike on Coruscant for another few weeks at least.”

“Thank you,” Rey replies. 

“I’ll make the excuses for you. Go,” Leia shoos her out of the room and Rey heads to the falcon.

💥💥💥

When Rey arrives on Lothal, the remnants of the Jedi temple are gone. Nothing stands where Rey is certain the temple was when she first came to Lothal. 

“Why does everything have to be so kriffing complicated with the Force?” She asks out loud. 

Morai circles overhead and Rey follows, close to where she thought the remnants stood. There’s a large obelisk, not unlike the one on Malachor. It has a different energy, though. She doesn’t feel a pull to the dark quite like she did on Malachor, and her body relaxes in relief.

She places a hand on the obelisk and the temple ruins raise around her, leaving her standing in the entryway. 

She stares at the painting of Daughter, Son, and Father. 

“What am I supposed to do?” She asks Morai.

Morai flies away, unhelpful. 

She finds herself growing increasingly frustrated with the Force and the _nothingness_ of answers it brings her when the bond springs to life. 

“Where are you?” He asks. 

“Lothal. Daughter told me to come here,” she responds. 

“That looks like a portal to the World Between Worlds,” he points out -- staring at the mural Rey’s fixated in front of. 

“It does?” She asks, suddenly feeling self-conscious and stupid. 

“Yes,” he says as he shares his memories with her from when Daughter escorted him. 

“You have to move the mural. With the Force,” he adds. 

The bond pulls them apart before Rey can ask any more questions. 

“He’s right,” Daughter’s voice rings in Rey’s ears. 

“Open the portal,” Daughter instructs. 

Rey centers herself in the Force, cursing the bond pulling Ben away before she can ask more questions and cursing Daughter for making her do this on her own. 

“You’re never alone, Rey,” Daughter responds. 

Rey sighs and walks up close to the portal, examining Daughter’s hands which she saw move in Ben’s memories. She pulls on it like a thread, and the portal begins to reveal itself. Rey continues to work and even when Son’s part of the portal seems stubborn, she pushes through and opens it completely. 

“Go,” Daughter tells her. 

Rey steps through the portal and feels overwhelmed. She’s grateful she’s at least seen it before through Ben’s memories, but there’s something so eerie about this place. 

She hears Finn, a distant memory from one of the portals and she stops in front of it. 

It’s from when they first met on Jakku -- she stares at the younger version of herself -- a girl who has no idea what’s to come or what she is. A girl who didn’t know why she spent so much of her life feeling _lucky_ to guess the next big sandstorm or know exactly where to scavenge. Rey wonders if she could reach out and warn her past self -- _beware, young Rey of Jakku -- this is where it all ends. Or begins._

Morai swoops down and pecks at Rey’s arm, moving her forward through the World Between Worlds. 

There’s a portal that is particularly compelling to Rey. Her body moves toward it without her brain knowing what’s happening. When she reaches it, she realizes it’s Starkiller base. It’s her and Finn watching Ben kill Han. 

She can stop it, she realizes. If current Rey interferes, she could save Han. 

“You can’t,” a voice says from behind her. Rey turns abruptly, taken out of her fantasy with a flash. 

“You can’t go back and change it. If you do, the current you wouldn’t exist. Time travel isn’t an exact science,” the woman tells Rey and Rey’s reminded of what Ben showed her in their room on Batuu. It’s Ahsoka Tano. 

“But if I just make it so Han doesn’t die -- if Ben still stays Supreme Leader --“ 

“--If Ben doesn’t kill Han, he won’t see that Snoke was wrong. He won’t have the courage to kill Snoke and save you. He has to know what Snoke promised him was all lies,” Ahsoka interrupts. 

Rey has a frown on her face and turns to stare at the portal. 

“You know deep down I’m right, Rey. Search your feelings,” Ahsoka guides her. 

“You are,” Rey admits. 

“Trust me, I understand it’s difficult. I’ve been in your position and I’ve seen others in your position. Desperate to fix something so tragic you don’t know how you can bear it, how you can go on. But you can, Rey. You can withstand anything.”

“What am I doing here?” Rey asks sharply. 

“There’s something you need to see and experience for yourself. Your power is immense, Rey. I know you don’t understand it and I know you don’t get why you were called for this, but that’s the thing about the Force. It doesn’t always make sense,” Ahsoka says. 

“What am I supposed to see?” Rey asks, and before she can hear Ahsoka’s response it’s like she’s taken to a different dimension entirely. 

She hears voices of the Jedi past, and the line _there is no ignorance, there is knowledge_ of the Jedi code stand out to her. 

She’s met with a flash of emotion -- everything she’s ever felt. She begins to see things and she wants them to stop. She’s five years old, being left by her parents on Jakku. She’s ten years old, being yelled at by Unkar Plutt for not finding enough things scavenging. She’s thirteen years old, taken out and overwhelmed by _anger, fear, sadness, cold_ as Ben Solo falls to the dark. 

The memories and vision change -- forcing her to relive the fight on Starkiller, of marking Ben as hers for life, of not knowing what comes next. 

Flashes and voices from meetings with the Resistance, on Crait and everywhere cross her mind, but nothing stays as concretely as the memory from the _Supremacy_. She feels her anxiousness and fear when she knelt in front of Ben before he killed Snoke, she feels her utter betrayal and disappointment when he won’t let the Resistance go. 

She feels her desire to take his hand, to leave a war she never asked to be a part of. But she can’t compromise on the values she’s set for herself. 

The vision becomes less concrete once more, but she lingers on the sight of her and Ben kissing on Ilum and Batuu. She lingers on him kissing the scar on her arm, so tender and unlike anything she’d come to expect from him. 

And then it gets more muddled -- and Rey realizes the vision is showing her glimpses of the future. 

It’s her on Coruscant with Ben, training and sparring. It’s her fighting an Inquisitor. It’s Ben and Rey sitting cross legged across from each other, the holocrons in front of them. It’s Ben kissing her, telling her “in case this is the last time, cyar’ika” and she wants to _scream_. 

She sees flashes of herself fighting Inquisitors, of Finn leading a group of stormtroopers on the _Finalizer_ , of Rose coordinating everyone and her heart leaps, and then she freezes. It’s like her brain is clawing to escape, unable to withstand it anymore. 

The Force does not take pity on her. 

Instead, it shows her Ben collapsed on the ground and she can feel the pain he’s in. She sees herself screaming and crying -- begging Leia, Daughter, anyone to help.

She can’t keep herself up, she can’t do anything except sob, and suddenly the visions stop and Rey finds herself in the vast, dark expanse of the World Between Worlds alone. It seems like she’s at the threshold of revelation and she can’t see a way to move past it. She has to know what happens at the end of that vision. If she doesn’t, she’s not sure how she can possibly move forward. How can she let any of this happen?

The threshold of revelation is too much to bear. How had Ben done it?

She crumbles to the ground and Morai lands next to her, but Rey can’t stand it. She doesn’t want this anymore. She never asked for this and it’s all too much. 

Daughter appears to her and Rey thinks if she had any more strength in her she would have punched her, even if Daughter isn’t real or solid, Rey just wants to _destroy_ her. 

It’s too much, and she wishes she never saw what the future holds, no matter that she had to. She wishes she didn’t have the Force. She wishes she was normal.

“You must rise above. You cannot let the knowledge deter you from your purpose. Use it to achieve what you know you have to do,” Daughter instructs. 

Rey’s eyes are crazed and anger flows through her like it never has before. 

“I don’t want this. I never asked for this,” she roars with anger, but Daughter is unfazed. 

“Continue on your journey, Rey. Don’t let the anger take over and forget your place in the Force,” Daughter says before disappearing like a fine mist. 

Rey weeps on the black ground, and it’s almost as if the abyss of the World Between Worlds collapsing on top of her.  
  
She’s not sure how long it takes, but she makes it back to the Jedi temple on Lothal. 

And is met with two bounty hunters waiting for her outside. 

She sighs and pulls herself together. She ignites her lightsaber and begins deflecting blaster bolts. She makes quick work of them and runs back to her ship. 

She collapses in the cockpit and cries once more. She gets angry with herself for crying -- 

_How have you become so weak?_ She asks herself, acid dripping with every word. 

There’s nothing else she can do. She’s at a complete loss. There’s only one thing left, and she can’t believe she’s going to do it...

She pushes at the bond with Ben and he responds almost immediately. 

“Rey? Are you okay?” 

She should have known he would have realized she’d been crying. 

“Are you on Coruscant?” 

“Yes,” he responds. 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” she replies flatly. 

“Are you sure?”

“It’s time,” she says.

💥💥💥

  
“Our contacts on Lothal sent a holovid of Rey fighting with bounty hunters. We haven’t heard from her since,” Finn announces to the group.

R2 and BB-8 both beep anxiously. 

“Could she have been captured?” Poe asks. 

“It’s more than likely. We don’t know where they would have taken her, though.”

“They took me to Coruscant, they probably took her there as well,” Poe points out. 

“We have to find her. We can’t beat the First Order without her. She’s the only one that stands a chance to kill Kylo Ren,” Finn says.

Leia searches within the Force, and latches onto Rey’s Force signature -- she’s on Coruscant, and Leia can feel the tendrils of Ben’s Force signature nearby Rey’s. She makes the conscious choice not to say anything but says she’ll send out a squad to survey Coruscant and see if they can find her. 

But Leia’s certain at this point Rey has gone to Ben by her own accord -- and all she can do is hope that they both make the right decisions when the time comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments & kudos appreciated as always friends! 
> 
> follow me on twitter  
> and check out some of my other smutty one shots you might be interested in:  
>  want you next to me — a smutty one shot (best friend’s sister/roommates)
> 
> control (to get what I want) — a CNC one shot
> 
> love me at the ungodly hour — an edging/orgasm delay fic


	16. chapter sixteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She walks over to the table with old artifacts, including the Jedi holocron. She lingers at Darth Vader’s helmet, and he can tell she wants to touch it but feels like it’s a line she can’t cross. 
> 
> “Rey...” 
> 
> “The Resistance generals -- besides your mother,” she adds hastily, “they’re planning a strike on Coruscant. My task was to capture or kill you.”
> 
> “Ah, well. Do your worst then,” he says with a smirk. 
> 
> “Ben,” she admonishes, a smile on her face for the first time since before Lothal. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: during the smut scene ben slaps rey's ass twice. not in a punishment context or anything. if you'd like to skip it, after they finish their fight jump to the next break!

Rey turns off her comms and decides not to contact the Resistance again. Not at least until she’s on Coruscant and has figured out what to do next. 

She’s still shaken from what she saw in the World Between Worlds, but she ignores Ben’s insistence to open the bond. She can’t talk about it yet. She has to focus on getting to Coruscant in one piece, and if she starts to think deeply about what she saw she would absolutely crash this ship. 

Close to Coruscant, she opens the bond and asks Ben where to land. He gives her coordinates to a lower level of Coruscant and tells her to cover her face. He’ll meet her there and will take her to a more secure location.

When she lands, she buries all of the pain she’s felt and makes herself look more presentable -- her eyes are still puffy but other than that she looks normal -- and she covers her face before she exits. 

Ben’s waiting for her when she gets off the landing pad. There was a part of her that was worried he wouldn’t show up, or that he’d betray her, but she knew that it was the insecurities of her mind being _devastated_ by what happened on Lothal. She knows it’s irrational, but she can’t shake it. 

She thinks she may never get over the look on his face when he sees her coming down the landing pad. He _beams_ at her, with a mix of concern and care she’s never felt from someone else before. 

She all but leaps into his arms, resting her head against his chest. 

“What happened, cyar’ika?” He says against her forehead. He’s so different from the man she first met on Starkiller, from the darkness that overwhelmed her in the Force when he fell. He’s now a quiet and calming presence in the Force. 

“I don’t...I went to Lothal. I went to the World Between Worlds,” she says against his chest.

“What happened?” 

Rey’s unable to formulate the words. She recognizes there are tears stuck in her eyes, so she just projects the feelings into the bond. 

He sends a reassuring push toward her and holds her tight.

“Let’s go,” he kisses the top of her head and leads her toward his ship.

On their way to his quarters on Coruscant, he keeps her hidden well. He mind tricks liberally to ensure their safety. He keeps the door locked, and comms Mitaka to hold any meetings until tomorrow. 

Rey explores the space and Ben suddenly feels very exposed. It’s not like they have any secrets from each other, but this feels like something else entirely. 

“You don’t have many things,” she observes. 

“No, I don’t.”

“Bed looks comfortable, though. Much better than what the Resistance has had,” she jokes. 

“And yet I still can’t sleep at night,” he laughs. 

She walks over to the table with old artifacts, including the Jedi holocron. She lingers at Darth Vader’s helmet, and he can tell she wants to touch it but feels like it’s a line she can’t cross. 

“Rey...” 

“The Resistance generals -- besides your mother,” she adds hastily, “they’re planning a strike on Coruscant. My task was to capture or kill you.”

“Ah, well. Do your worst then,” he says with a smirk. 

“Ben,” she admonishes, a smile on her face for the first time since before Lothal. 

“I’ve told you time and time again I’m not going to survive this war,” he shrugs like he’s accepted his fate and can’t bring himself to care. 

“Ben,” she scolds again. 

“What happened on Lothal?” 

“Daughter took me to World Between Worlds. I had...a vision. Of the past, the future, and I just couldn’t handle it. I felt so weak. I _feel_ so weak.”

“Rey, the same thing happened to me. I couldn’t bring myself to tell you,” he pauses and sighs. 

“I think I saw myself die -- in your arms. That’s why I never brought it up. I couldn’t handle it. I almost lost it as well. I could never make sense of it,” he admits. 

“I saw that, too,” she can’t bear to look him in the eyes when she says it. 

“I could tell. Your shields weren’t very solid,” he says. 

She looks embarrassed and he quickly continues on, “I understand, Rey. I understand how daunting it is. Please don’t be ashamed. Please.”

“How do we move past it? How do we go on with our lives knowing that’s what to come?”

“We have to trust in the Force,” he says with a blank stare on his face. 

“How can you say that? How can you say that when we’ve both seen you dying in my arms?” She can’t hold back how angry she is, and he takes it in stride. 

“There is no death, there is only the Force,” he states. 

She scoffs. 

“Yes, and there’s no emotion, there is peace but here I am,” Rey retorts. 

“I know you’re angry. I’ve had longer to accept what I saw. I’ve had more time to process,” he tries to comfort her. 

“I don’t want to watch you die,” her voice cracks, and she turns away from him. 

He’s unsure how to react. He reaches out in the Force and her Force signature feels frayed and fractured, darkness surrounding her. He reaches deep within himself and tries to access the light, to share it with her. 

“Stop,” she says.

“What do you need, cyar’ika?” 

“We should tell Leia. We should tell her everything. The dyad, us, our visions,” she states. 

“I think that’s a bad idea,” he winces. 

“I told her we were destined to bring balance in the Force. That’s why I’m here,” she confesses. 

“What did she say?” He asks, against his better judgment. 

“She thanked me for giving her hope in you,” she says. 

His eyes are glazed with tears, but his face is expressionless. 

“I think we should open the holocrons,” she says after a while. 

“I don’t think it’s time yet. I think you’re being impatient because you think something in it will save me. Save us,” he adds. 

“Why can’t it be time? Why do we have to wait for the Force or Daughter or anyone tell us it’s time? Why can’t we make our own choices for once?”

“Rey, some things are above us. It’s beyond the Resistance and First Order and you know that. We are making our own choices to an extent. If we weren’t, you wouldn’t be standing in my quarters on Coruscant right now. You would have killed me like the Resistance asked you to,” he replies, a little scathing. 

She glares at him. He scrambles to recover.

“Oh, well -- let me clarify -- I want you in my quarters, I promise. And I know you wouldn’t kill me. I know we’re not enemies anymore. I care about you so much, Rey. I haven’t stopped thinking of you in a while. I don’t regret what happened on Batuu,” he rambles. 

She lets him stew a little more, quiet and unperturbed. 

“I want to fight,” she replies finally -- certain and stoic. She has to burn off the nervous energy. 

“We’ll go to the training room. I’ll make sure the Knights and Inquisitors aren’t in there,” he exits swiftly, leaving her alone with her thoughts. 

💥💥💥

Ben finds a few Inquisitors and Kuruk and Vicrul in the training room, in the middle of a spar. 

He clears his throat and stands authoritatively. 

“Leave. Now. I need the room,” Ben commands. 

“Do you not want sparring partners?” Vicrul asks, acid in his tone. 

“No. Go,” he says with a tone of finality they can’t argue with. 

They pack their things and exit. Ben waits for their Force signatures to retreat and he locks the door with the Force as he returns to his quarters to get Rey. 

“Put on the cloak,” he instructs.

She does as she’s asked. He grabs both of their lightsabers and puts them under his cloak. 

“Are you ready?” He asks, goading her. 

“Yes,” she replies. 

He leads them to the training room and secures the room with the Force and disables the training droids. 

She drops the cloak and he tosses her her saber. 

“Don’t go easy on me,” she says. 

“Would never dream of it,” he smiles. 

She ignites her saber. 

“If you need to yield--“

“--I won’t,” she says assuredly. 

“If you need to yield, do it. I will do the same,” he finishes. 

“Fine,” she rolls her eyes. 

He ignites his saber and has little time to prepare before she’s moving toward him at lightning speed. He moves through the defensive forms with ease and overtakes her to move on the offensive. 

He swings high and she almost misses blocking it but catches herself. 

“Careful, cyar’ika,” he goads. 

“Shut up,” she spits out as she lunges toward him, but he steps back before she can hit him. 

“You’ll have to do better than that,” he teases, knowing just how to push her buttons. 

It fuels her desire to win even more. 

She’s quick and unexpected and he thinks it’s more exciting than training with his knights. It makes him work harder and he can’t decide if moving through the forms properly is a better choice or if he should copy her style. 

He wants to throw her off her game and win.

There’s a hit he would have gotten in, but he pulls away at the last moment -- scared to actually hurt her. 

“You can heal me after. I said don’t go easy on me,” she says frustratedly. 

He nods, even though his reluctance floats through their bond. 

_I’m serious,_ she says through the bond. 

_Okay_ , he responds and channels energy that he feels screams _Kylo Ren._ He hasn’t used this part of the Force in a long time, and a part of him felt free. 

He spent so long burying one part of him -- Ben Solo for years, and now Kylo Ren -- he decides to use this time to figure out how they co-exist in battle. _Balance_ , he reminds himself, _is found in one who has faced their guilt._

He’s been reckoning with his guilt for ages now, and he knows what he has to do to make amends. He knows deep down Rey’s right and he should speak to his mother, but it scares him. _Maybe_ , he thinks, _it should have been balance is found in one who has faced the fear from facing their guilt._

He lands a hit on her side and part of her tunic falls to the ground. She rebounds quickly and he has to work harder to channel the Force to move out of her way. 

She spins her saber and he moves her body swiftly and all he sees is a flash of yellow light before she stands behind him, clearly on her tippy toes, saber at his neck. He feels the heat from her kyber crystal pound against his neck. He can feel her heartbeat intensely. He can smell her -- a mix of sun, sweat, and flowers and he waits before he yields. 

He’s certain fighting with Rey is atonement and salvation all at once. He feels the unmistakable relief of grace. He’s not quite certain if he deserves it, but he vows to be worthy of the grace he feels from Rey, the Force, the galaxy in this moment. 

Rey has shown him the way to forgiveness. He will always have her part of their soul connected to the good in the Force -- to the light he desperately has craved. She is his sun, and he her moon. Two that are a one -- able to exist independently and not need each other, but somehow so complete together. He won’t let her down anymore, he can’t bear to lose her.

“I yield,” he whispers, and it’s a prayer of forgiveness, love, and strength. A last Hail Mary to his salvation.

 _I know I don’t deserve it, but even so -- bless me anyway,_ he thinks, remembering back to Oga’s Cantina, _I want more life._

She grants him it and lowers her saber.

He turns to face her, their foreheads close to touching. His saber falls to the floor with a loud clang. She drops hers as well, wrapping her arms around his neck.

He kisses her and it’s another prayer to atonement and grace. 

She returns the kiss, leaning into him so hard they couldn’t get closer if they tried. They move, not breaking the kiss until he has her pushed up against a wall. 

She reaches under his shirt and caresses his chest and abs, lightly dragging her nails over his skin. His hands eagerly explore her body, resting on her hips. She tilts her hips toward him, urging him to move lower.

He pulls back and she all but whines at the loss. 

“Are you sure?” He asks, remembering the sting of her words through the bond earlier. 

“Yes,” she says against his lips. 

_We’re not enemies on opposite sides of the war anymore. We’re one,_ she says through the bond.

There’s a hunger behind the kiss this time, more intense than before. His hands move across her body more liberally this time, reaching under her shirt and breast band. 

He breaks the kiss again and this time she does whine. 

“Take them off, cyar’ika,” he commands in a sultry, low voice. She does as she’s told and he guides her to the ground, laying kisses down from her jawline to her breasts. He takes one in his mouth and she moans and shifts her hips up toward him, begging for more. 

“Always so impatient,” he chides, moving to her other breast. One of his hands stabilizes her stomach, not letting her move. He pins her down with the Force and she groans. 

“Please,” she begs. 

“Rey,” he says with a tsk. 

“Please,” she begs again. 

“Patience, Rey. Trust me,” he says and opens the bond fully so they feel each other completely. 

She doesn’t fully know how to give in, but she relaxes under his touch and lets him in. 

“That’s it,” he says as he finally moves his hands further down her body, peeling off her leggings. 

Rey feels a release of tension and then a different kind of yearning at the pit of her stomach.

She writhes around and he looks up from the trail of kisses he was leaving on her inner thighs. 

“Stop moving,” he says and pins her down with the Force once more. 

She tries to speak, but nothing comes out except an incoherent mumble. 

“Ben,” she requests, so quietly. 

He smirks and pushes her thighs open more, circling his tongue over her clit. 

The tension from their spar hangs in the air, both of them hyped up on so much adrenaline and genuine love of each other they can hardly stand it. 

He brushes against her entrance and continues his ministrations against her clit as he slides two fingers inside her. 

She is a mess of want, need, and desire and he grants her everything she thinks of. 

He coaxes her over the edge and she comes with his tongue still on her clit, the aftershocks almost too much for her to bear. 

Ben places light kisses up her body until he reaches her cheek, softer than the other kisses. Rey’s panting heavily, and locks eyes with Ben, fueling the hunger between them both. 

“I want to feel you,” she tells him. 

He wastes no time. He guides himself inside her, entering in slowly as she cants her hips upwards to urge him to move faster, desperate to feel all of him. 

“You’re so tight,” Ben grunts as he thrusts harder, a hand reaching up to her breasts as he caresses them. For a few moments like this, they lock eyes and both feel on fire. Rey’s not sure why he pulls away, but suddenly she feels so _empty_ and she whimpers. 

He takes her by the hips and flips her around. 

“On your knees,” he instructs. He slaps her ass and she groans into it, wanting more. 

He fucks her hard, a hand around her throat stabilizing and letting her know that he’s there, in control and she can let go. 

It’s freeing, she thinks. 

It’s almost primal the way she gets out of her head so completely. She searches through the bond and understands he feels the same. _Two that are a one,_ she thinks. 

He slaps her ass again and she cries out his name. 

“Be quiet, cyar’ika. We can’t have people knowing,” he chides as he rubs the sting from the last hit.

She whines in protest but complies because she knows he’s right. They’re already risking so much. 

“I’m close,” he says against her back and she’s feeling a little audacious. 

“I want to taste you,” she replies, “come in my mouth.”

It doesn’t take him long to react. He pulls out and turns her around so she’s on her knees in front of him. 

He finishes and she takes all of him and swallows, never breaking eye contact. Ben thinks this might be the most intimate thing he’s ever experienced. 

He kneels down next to her, wrapping one hand around her head and his fingers tangle through her hair. He holds her close and kisses her, at a loss to understand what he did to deserve her and how much he cares for her. 

💥💥💥

It’s not until Kylo’s commlink incessantly beeps that either of them gets off the floor and get dressed. They were both more than content to stay there, hidden away from the galaxy and able to ignore their duties. 

“What is it, Mitaka?” He snaps. 

“Sir, there is a meeting with the generals. Hux set it up without telling you. It’s in one standard hour,” Mitaka says. 

“Thank you. I will be there,” Ben replies curtly.

He switches off the commlink and collapses down into a chair. Rey can sense the anger flowing off Ben in waves. 

She scrambles off the floor and kneels down next to Ben. She places a hand on his knee and leans her head against his lap. 

“He knows,” Ben says despondently. 

“What do you mean?” She asks. 

“He knows about you. He knows that we’re going to kill him.”

“How do you know?”

“I just have a feeling. He wouldn’t schedule a meeting without me if he wasn’t about to make his move. I’m probably walking into my execution,” he replies. 

“It’s not an execution if you fight them,” she says fiercely. 

“We have to get up. Get the holocrons, pack a bag. You have to go down to the hangar bay and get a ship ready. I’ll give you the clearance codes,” he moves her hand away from his thigh and gingerly moves her to the side. 

Rey’s a few beats behind him, but she’s always impressed with his ability to plan and spring to action even faced with the most difficult tasks. She could never have the presence of mind to plan so far ahead like that. She’s just relied on the Force to show her the way for so long, she’s forgotten sometimes it takes more. 

“Keep the bond open. I’ll tell you when to come get me. We’ll go to the lower levels, find some cover. We can regroup then. Just be ready,” he instructs. 

He fastens the cloak around her neck and pulls the hood up so delicately like she’s made of glass. He tucks her hair into the cloak and pulls the mask up over her mouth. He kisses her forehead, the smallest bit of skin exposed. 

“The hangar bay is three levels below us. Get any ship you can.”

She nods.

“Let’s go,” he says as he grabs her waist and spins her around, leading her out of the training room. 

Their hands brush as they move in opposite directions, both reluctant to let each other go. 

_It will be okay_ , he says through the bond. 

_We’ll both make it through,_ he continues. Rey pushes back the memory of seeing Ben bleeding and dying on the floor. That couldn’t possibly be yet -- she had called out for Leia and Leia wasn’t anywhere close to Coruscant. Ben would be fine. 

Rey makes her way down to the hangar bay with minimal confusion, letting the Force guide her. She secures the holocrons, careful to pack everything they may need. The clearance codes work and she settles on a ship small enough to not be conspicuous but it has enough supplies for them. She clears the hangar bay and waits for Ben to say anything.

 _I have the ship,_ she says through the bond. 

_Good_ , he responds, _wait for my signal._

Rey’s so restless she doesn’t know what to do with herself.

💥💥💥

Kylo has his saber at the ready and grabs a blaster just in case. He’s been prepared for this, of course. He thinks about something Rey said after Crait often -- heavy is the head that wears the crown. He’s always known Hux has had it out for him, and he can’t exactly blame Hux, especially after Ben’s failed attempt at killing him.

He prepares for the worst and opens the door with the Force. 

He’s met with blaster fire immediately. He deflects it and notices it’s just Hux in the room with a few generals and Kuruk and Vicrul. He sighs and tries to move on the offensive, but Kuruk and Vicrul know him too well.

“We saw you take the Jedi scum into the training room,” Vicrul spits out as his scythe engages with Kylo’s lightsaber. 

“You’ve committed treason against the First Order. You’re relieved of your command. I will be the Supreme Leader,” Hux says from the corner of the room, away from the fray. 

_You’re so damn cowardly,_ Ben thinks.

“The First Order is dead,” Ben says, though he knows it’s not totally true. But the end is coming, and damn it all if he didn’t inherit his flair for the dramatic from his father. 

“Give it up, Ren. You’re done,” Hux taunts as Ben fights both Kuruk and Vicrul at the same time. Ben’s cursing Hux’s choice to use the Knights against him rather than Inquisitors. Kuruk and Vicrul were more of a match -- they’ve known him too long, they’ve fought by his side too long, and they’re too connected in the Force.

Kuruk’s lightsaber almost makes contact with his hand, but he pushes him back with the Force and tries to redirect his energy to Force choke Hux, but Ben’s too distracted by fighting off both Kuruk and Vicrul to be effective. 

“Finish him,” Hux commands and leaves the room. 

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” Ben tells his two Knights. 

“We’ve already defected to the Inquisitors. You’re not our master now,” Vicrul says acidly. 

“I don’t think you ever thought of me as your master, Vicrul. That doesn’t mean you have to do this,” Ben replies as he blocks hit after hit with his lightsaber and uses the Force to deflect Kuruk’s hits. Ben feels himself falling so hard to the dark side, his anger and frustration driving every swing of his lightsaber toward the two.

Ben breaks away from Vicrul and senses Rey’s presence in his mind, encouraging and slightly worried. The light washes over him and it’s like he’s born anew. He has to win, for Rey. For the balance in the galaxy. 

Understanding flows through his veins -- it was not his time to fail. He’s seen his future, and the knowledge of that propels him forward in this fight. 

_Maybe we’re both finally over the threshold of revelation. You can win,_ Rey says through the bond. 

Ben garners enough strength in the Force and knocks both Kuruk and Vicrul out with a loud thump as they hit the floor. 

He wastes no time and runs out, following Rey’s Force signature like a guiding light. 

💥💥💥

On Bespin, they’re making their final arrangements for a battle on Coruscant. 

“Any luck getting in touch with Rey?” Finn asks Kaydel. 

“No, nothing. It’s like her comms are non-existent.”

Finn looks upset and Kaydel offers him a somewhat awkward pat on the shoulder. 

“She’s tough. I’m sure she’s fine,” she consoles.

It’s not until a few hours later when a broadcast from the First Order comes over the holonet that they realize they were wrong. 

Hux announces to the holonet that the Supreme Leader Kylo Ren has broken away from the First Order, he’s been relieved of his title, and he’s on the run with the Jedi scavenger of Jakku. 

Hux is the Supreme Leader now. He’s put a bounty on both Rey and Kylo’s heads so many credits high it makes Finn’s head spin.

“She’s with Kylo Ren?” Finn asks aloud, horrified. 

“He could have mind tricked her. He could have kidnapped her,” Poe reasons. 

“There’s no way she’d abandon us for him,” Finn shakes his head. 

“She had that Sith holocron. We don’t know if that corrupted her or something,” Rose points out. 

“It’s no use in speculating,” Leia cuts everyone off with an authoritative tone. 

“We’ll continue with our plans to be planetside on Coruscant in five standard days. Continue to try and reach Rey, and we’ll evaluate when we speak with her.”

“But, General--“ Rose begins. 

Leia puts her hand up, silencing everyone in the room. 

“We will continue with our plans,” she states. 

Leia excuses herself and searches within the Force and tries to connect to her son -- it’s a futile attempt, she knows. He’s covered in too much darkness to break through totally.

Lando walks in and sits across from her, a knowing sad smile on his face. 

“Do you think she ran off with him?” He asks. 

“I do,” Leia says calculatedly. 

“Do you think we need to worry about it?”

“She talked to me about it, briefly. Before she left.”

“What did she say?” 

The two pause as the door unlocks -- Chewie walks in and Lando and Leia relax a bit. 

“She is with Ben, Chewie. I’m sure of it,” Leia says to catch him up -- knowing what he was about to ask without him saying anything. 

“Do you think he’s turned her or has she turned him?” Lando asks. 

“Neither, I’m almost sure. She mentioned Force visions...and being asked to bring balance in the Force. She said it was them together that had to balance everything.”

“So you think they’re doing that. You don’t think he’s going to renege on it and hurt her?” 

Chewie loudly exclaims in agreement with Lando. 

“I know what Ben’s done in the past. It looms in the back of my mind, but something feels different this time,” Leia says. 

“I trust you, Leia. With my life,” Lando replies. 

“He helped her build her lightsaber. Got her all of the supplies. I think he went to Ilum with her, too. Though BB-8 whirled away the second I asked him. And R2 acted oddly, too,” Leia reflects. 

“We continue on,” Lando says comfortingly. 

“Will you go to Coruscant now, Lando? They must be in the lower levels. I don’t think they’ve left, I would feel it.”

“I’ll leave now,” he replies, not missing a beat. 

“Take R2. And try to see if he’ll tell you what he knows,” Leia says. 

💥💥💥

Kylo reaches the ship with little trouble, but he refuses to cause actual harm to any stormtroopers in his way. He sets the blaster to stun, and he mind tricks them enough that they aren’t an issue. 

He sprints to the cockpit and the bond sighs with relief and buzzes with bliss when he wraps her into a tight embrace and places a kiss on the top of her head. She squeezes his waist and pulls him closer to her.

“Ben--“

“I know,” he replies.

“Let’s get to the lower levels,” he says, detaching from her grasp and sitting in the pilot’s chair. 

Rey _huffs_ when he sits down. 

“What?” He asks, clueless. 

“I was piloting,” she says flatly. 

“And now I am,” he replies. 

“Let me pilot, Ben,” she insists. 

“You really think you’re a better pilot than me?” He says, offended. 

“Maybe,” she says a bit snarky, knowing she’s annoying him and enjoying it.

“You’re a brat, you know that?” He says exasperatedly. 

“Oh, am I?” She teases. 

“I know Coruscant better than you. Let me pilot,” he says. 

She considers for a moment. She knows he’s right but she also doesn’t want to give in. 

“Fine,” she sighs, acquiescing her stubbornness and settling in the co-pilot’s seat. 

He reaches over and pinches her butt before she sits down and she yelps. 

“Hey!”

“Don’t be such a brat,” he smirks. 

She pouts. 

He pinches the top of her thigh. 

“Ben,” she _whines_ , “I’m not a brat.”

“You are and you know it. Don’t make me pinch you again,” he replies, with a mischievous smile on his face. 

She huffs again and crosses her arms. Her eyes are begging him for more.

“You _liked_ that, didn’t you? You _want_ to be a brat and get under my skin,” he realizes, searching her feelings in the Force. 

She shakes her head, but her lips tighten. 

“You _do_. You’re such a brat, Rey. When all this is over I’ll get you back for this. Give you what you deserve,” he says low and tantalizing. 

Neither of them mentions that they both know how this ends -- with Ben seemingly bleeding out on the bridge of Hux’s ship, no help in sight. 

Instead, they play pretend that there’s a future for them. 

“I’ll be good,” she asserts. 

He smiles and laces his fingers with hers, squeezing one more time before turning his attention to the ship’s controls.

“We’ve taken too much time here. Let’s go,” Ben snaps out of it -- back to reality, back to figuring out their next moves. He can’t let himself get distracted any more than he already has, no matter how tempting it was to lean over and kiss Rey. No matter how much he’d like to run his fingers through her hair. No matter how much he’d love to do anything with her right now...

If they made it through this, he’d sit down and braid her hair like his mother showed him when he was younger, a soothing gesture just to show her how much he cares for her. He would show Rey the galaxy, and they’d be _happy._

_This is love,_ he thinks, _isn’t it?_

_Yes_ , a voice in his head says. 

_One time you’d have burned down the galaxy for her. Now you’ll save it together. Love and forgiveness,_ he tells himself, _are one and the same._

“I’m scared,” she admits. 

_Of endings. Of beginnings. Of feeling worthy of love,_ she finishes in her mind. 

“I know,” he replies, understanding completely. 

He maneuvers his way to the lower levels, ensuring the cloaking device is active. 

Rey marvels at just how expansive Coruscant is -- her brief time planetside wasn’t enough to get a feel for how massive the planet is. She’s never seen so many _things_ in the whole galaxy. 

“I’ll show you everything I can cyar’ika,” he says. She wills herself to be strong. She won’t let herself cry, especially not when there’s so much at stake. 

It’s as if the bond is crying though, the way it positively aches between the two of them. 

They both snap out of a haze when the comm goes off in the shuttle. 

“Who knows we have this ship?” She asks, worried. 

He patches through the comm and slinks in the pilot’s chair with relief when he realizes it’s Cardo on the comm.

“Master, the rest of the Knights have defected to the Inquisitors. Hux is the Supreme Leader. He’s put a bounty on both you and the Jedi’s head. Said you’re together,” Cardo informs them. 

“She’s with me,” Ben confirms. 

“Master, you’re going to need to get off planetside. Burn lines.”

“I don’t believe I’m your master anymore, Cardo. Go to the Inquisitors. Defect. Get as much information as you can. Do you still have the commlink?” 

“Yes,” Cardo replies. 

“I’ll contact you when I’m ready. We’re ending this,” Ben says, sitting up taller in his seat -- more conviction in his voice than before. 

“Yes, sir,” Cardo responds. 

The comm disconnects. 

“Are you worried about the Inquisitors?” She asks. 

“Not yet. I’m worrying about one thing at a time,” he replies. 

It’s not long before he finds somewhere safe enough to land --

 _because is there anywhere safe left?,_ she thinks --

Rey watches as Ben mind tricks the people around them and follows as he leads her down further. She tightens her cloak around her face. 

They both _jump_ when Morai swoops down and squawks loudly. 

“Did you have to scare us like that?” Rey asks Morai, and she can see a glimmer of slyness in the convor’s eyes. 

Morai slides through the door of a seemingly abandoned warehouse. Ben and Rey exchange a glance, but quickly follow her through the doors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy thanksgiving if you're in the US! hope you are safe + socially distanced. 
> 
> comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. love y'all sm
> 
> (also yes i quoted angels in america in a reylo fic i love to work in my agenda)
> 
> follow me on twitter  
> and check out some of my other smutty one shots you might be interested in:  
>  want you next to me — a smutty one shot (best friend’s sister/roommates)
> 
> control (to get what I want) — a CNC one shot
> 
> love me at the ungodly hour — an edging/orgasm delay fic


	17. chapter seventeen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When you were younger,” Lando begins, slowly and tentatively, “I said your defiance would shake the stars.”
> 
> Ben looks up, staring into Lando’s eyes for the first time since entering the Falcon. 
> 
> “I was right,” he finishes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i updated the chapter counts because i combined a few chapters! we are almost to the end folks.

Morai disappears the moment they walk into the warehouse -- but there’s something else. A _feeling_ that follows them. 

Daughter, at the back of their joined minds. 

“It’s time,” she says. 

“You’ll know what to do.”

Ben and Rey are certain they know. They’re more united than ever before. Somehow closer, completely intertwined. 

Ben sits in the middle of the warehouse, Jedi holocron placed before him. He extends his hands to Rey and wordlessly helps her sit down across from him, where she places the Sith holocron. 

“I feel...” 

“I know,” he says, placing his hands around his holocron, lifting it up.

She follows suit. 

The Force changes. It takes control of the holocrons, They float together, breaking apart at the seams so there’s just what looks like kyber crystals --

though Rey is _certain_ they aren’t -- 

crashing together, blue and red together creating a blinding purple light that _glows_ around them, obscuring each other from their sight lines. 

It grows and grows until it has overtaken the entire warehouse, blinding both of them completely. 

Rey barely see Ben, but his Force signature is so bright she knows he is with her. He will always be at her side. The Force has willed it -- he is one, she is one, they are one. He’s at the stem of her mind, a comforting presence in the unknown. 

“All I see is oblivion,” Ben says, breaking the silence. 

It’s not like that for Rey immediately. Instead, she sees everything. She feels everything. She knows everything.

In her mind, she thinks back to the threshold of revelation she felt on Lothal -- the Force blocking something from her view. That’s gone now. 

The visions from before become clear --

 _as clear as a Force vision can be_ , she thinks -- 

understanding washes over her.

“I don’t,” she responds to Ben. 

“What do you see?” He asks, and then she senses him gasp -- his mind open to what she had seen. 

The holocrons shift again, somehow coming together closer than ever. The light burns more intensely. It becomes _more._

Unlike the visions before, the words they hear have context in their mind. They have the vast knowledge of the holocrons at their disposal and everything is clear. 

Kanan Jarrus, begging Ezra to look away from the very same holocrons Ben and Rey face. 

_They are much more prepared to receive revelation, the dark and light equal. She is his sun and he is her moon. It’s more relevant than ever before. Together, as a dyad, they will utilize the knowledge._

It’s Father talking to Anakin, “you are the Chosen One. You have brought balance to this world. Stay on this path, and you will do it again for the galaxy. But beware your heart.”

It’s Father telling Anakin, “Your destiny can change just as quickly as the love in one’s heart can fade. Nothing is set in stone.”

It’s Father erasing Anakin’s memories in hope of creating balance in the Force. 

Father was wrong. Ben and Rey knew this now -- with the full knowledge of both the Jedi and the Sith. The well of the dark side, the bathing in light. There is no hope of creating balance without understanding the origins of the Jedi and the Sith. They’re past that now -- and they understand _they_ are the balance. Together.

It’s Grand Admiral Thrown, asking Bendu, “what manner of creature are you?”

Bendu responding, “one beyond your power to destroy.”

That’s what Ben and Rey are to the Inquisitors, to Hux, to the First Order. No one can destroy them. They’ll utilize their strength, Daughter’s strength, and the Force to win.

_I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me._

It’s Maul telling Obi-Wan, “he will avenge us.”

At one time, about Luke Skywalker. 

Now? About Ben Solo finding the balance. It’s about Ben Solo’s part in the galaxy. It’s about their part in the galaxy. 

_Avenge us,_ the voices say. 

_Lead the galaxy to balance._

_End it,_ Ben hears Anakin say, so clearly. Rey reaches out in the Force, a comfort in the chaos.

and then -- in the back of their minds --

  
_There is no emotion, there is peace._   
_There is no ignorance, there is knowledge._   
_There is no passion, there is serenity._   
_There is no chaos, there is harmony._

**_There is no death, there is the Force._ **

  
and at the same time --

  
_Peace is a lie. There is only Passion._   
_Through Passion I gain Strength._   
_Through Strength I gain Power._   
_Through Power I gain Victory._   
_Through Victory my chains are Broken._

**_The Force shall free me._ **

There is only the Force and the Force shall free them -- 

And for the first time in years, Ben and Rey were _one_ with the Force. Thoroughly processing all their newfound knowledge and harmony with themselves and the Force, they feel _ready_.

The light from the holocrons explode and they return to their original form. They see each other and it might be sheer magnetism that draws them close to one another -- Ben tugs Rey over to him, enveloping her in a hug and squeezing tightly. He kisses the top of her head, then her forehead, then her cheek, and her lips. 

💥💥💥

“Admiral Hux, they were spotted in the lower levels. Headed into a warehouse,” General Pryde states, moving quickly across the bridge. 

Hux turns towards a group of Inquisitors. 

“Go. Find them,” he commands. 

“I’ll go with them. I might be able to sense Kylo Ren in the Force,” Ap’lek adds, following the Inquisitors off the bridge. 

“Bring him back here. I want to see his face when I kill him,” Hux says menacingly. 

“Yes, sir,” the lead Inquisitor replies.

It’s a swarm getting to the lower levels. While the Inquisitors are Force sensitive, Ap’lek has spent so much time with Kylo it’s easier for him to lock into Kylo’s Force signature. 

It doesn’t take them long to figure out where exactly Kylo and Rey are with the intelligence they have.

What the Inquisitors and Ap’lek don’t realize is how Ben and Rey have now ascended to a higher level of awareness. 

Rey and Kylo feel the shift in the Force as the Inquisitors and Ap’lek get closer and they notice the holocrons _buzzing_ \-- like a warning. 

“We’ve been spotted,” Ben tells Rey. 

She nods, “it’s not time yet. We need to get out of here.”

“Out the back, go.”

He ushers her through the warehouse, taking stock of where Ap’lek’s Force signature floats. 

“How did the holocrons _know_?” Rey asks as they run through high piles of boxes. 

“I don’t know if it’s the holocrons or our Force abilities heightened,” Ben replies.

They weave their way through the warehouse following where the Force leads them -- they’re so in tune with each other, with the Force they never miss a step -- 

_\-- this is how it was always supposed to be,_

_from the beginning. It’s just us in the Force,_ Rey thinks. 

“It always has been,” Ben replies out loud. 

They’re finally lead to another door, and they open it to find Lando with the Falcon, waiting for them. 

“Get in,” he says. 

“How did you know where we were?” Rey asks. 

“Same intelligence information the First Order has,” Lando replies. 

It’s a tense exchange of glances -- Rey doesn’t realize it at first, plowing her way up the Falcon’s landing settling into the co-pilot’s seat -- but Lando and Ben silently exchange a lot. 

An apology, another pleading prayer of grace, _forgiveness_.

Ben trails behind Lando, silent and awkward. He doesn’t know if he’s welcome truly and being back on the Falcon is almost overwhelming. If he didn’t have the knowledge and power from the holocrons flowing through him, he’s not sure he’d have survived it. 

There’s unease in the air and Rey finally understands, searching the Force for why Ben’s acting like this. She gets out of the seat and moves closer to him, taking his hand in hers and offering a stabilizing point in the Force. 

_Grace_.

“When you were younger,” Lando begins, slowly and tentatively, “I said your defiance would shake the stars.”

Ben looks up, staring into Lando’s eyes for the first time since entering the Falcon. 

“I was right,” he finishes. 

Ben releases some of the tension he’s holding in his body but says nothing. 

“Your mother will be so happy to see you,” Lando says. 

“I _know_ she will,” Rey adds. 

Ben doesn’t speak, knowing that if he said anything tears would fall and he couldn’t deal with that at the moment. He nods, choking the tears back. Rey soothingly runs her thumb over his hand but pulls away when she recognizes Lando has moved closer to Ben, about to hug Ben. 

Lando hugs Ben -- and Ben has a swarm of memories come to him of Uncle Lando, Chewie, and his family. Of all the good memories they shared before the dark side took control. Before it lied to him -- and Ben forces himself to straighten up and get back to the matter at hand. 

“We need to leave before the Inquisitors find us,” Ben says, wiping away a tear from his face. 

“We’ll get to the temporary command center and regroup,” Lando says, jumping in the pilot seat, taking off without second thought.

💥💥💥

  
When they get to the command center, Finn’s addressing a large group Resistance fighters. Ben hangs back a bit, unsure who would recognize him and also being consumed by guilt. Rey tugs on his sleeve, dragging him next to her. She doesn’t let go of him but instead tightens her grip. 

As if to say I’m here, I’m with you --

_I’ve given you grace. Let it in._

He grimaces at her, and she gives him a look that seems to say we must do hard things. We must endure.

Ben’s not sure if he can endure -- but there’s the twitch of --

_Grace. Forgiveness._

and it’s like electricity running through his body. 

But it’s hard for him to figure out his place here, in a place where he maybe should have been all along but didn’t have the courage.

Rey’s not really sure of her place either, judging by the looks exchanged between her and Rose. 

They break off after Finn gives them instructions and he storms over to Rey and Ben. 

Rey’s worried Finn might punch Ben -- and it’s not like Ben can’t hold his own but she can tell how nervous he is not to be seen as an antagonist.

“What happened? What is he doing here? How could you have betrayed us like this?” Finn seethes. 

Rey takes in a sharp breath and lets go of Ben’s sleeve. 

Finn’s eyes dart to her hand and his eyes grow wide. 

“Let’s go somewhere private. I can explain. I promise I haven’t betrayed the Resistance. I would _never,_ ” Rey states, her voice shaking. 

“How do we know he hasn’t mind tricked you?” Finn asks, concerned. 

Ben winces a bit. 

Lando’s the one who answers instead. 

“He hasn’t,” Lando assures Finn. 

“But how do you _know_?” Finn reiterates. 

“He can’t mind trick me. He _wouldn’t_. I promise. Come on,” Rey says, leading Finn away from Lando and Ben. Rey looks back at Ben, apologetic.

 _I’ll be okay. Go,_ he tells her through the bond. She nods and continues onward. 

Rey sits Finn down and Rose joins. Rose’s face is soft, offering sympathy for the entire situation. Finn’s mad, Rey can tell -- but she knows it’s coming out of a place of concern and care for her. He was her first friend, really, and they always looked out for each other. 

“Do you remember,” Rey starts slowly, “on Lothal when I left you? When I had that vision I couldn’t explain?”

Finn and Rose nod. 

“There’s a rift in the Force -- I’ve been called. I have to...I’m the person to help bring balance to the Force. The other person is Be--Kylo Ren. Ben Solo.”

Finn hardly hides the shock on his face. Rose remains expressionless. 

“He’s had voices influence him his entire life. He’s not perfect. He’s not innocent. He regrets a lot. I’m not excusing his actions. He’s not, either. He’s faced his guilt. He...he’s changed, though. We balance each other. That’s our call to help save the galaxy. You have to trust me, even if you don’t trust him.”

Rey pauses, collecting her thoughts and centering herself in the Force. 

“We’re both here to help. We can’t win without him. I can’t do what I need to do without him. I’ve...seen things that are coming. I’ve had visions. He’s there, fighting by our side. I know it’s a lot and I know it’s difficult, but you have to trust me.”

“You’re asking a lot, Rey. I was in the First Order. Don’t you remember? I’ve heard and seen too much about Kylo Ren,” Finn replies. 

“I understand, Finn. He regrets it. I know it’s not an excuse and I know he wouldn’t excuse it either. He knows...we both know at the end of this he’ll need to answer for his actions. But until then...let us bring balance to the Force. Let us end this. We know what we have to do,” Rey pleads. 

“I think that’s fair,” Rose interjects. 

Rey glances toward her and mouths a silent thank you. 

There’s a tense moment or two before Finn speaks. 

“Okay. But after, we can’t just let him get away with everything.”

“Okay,” Rey agrees. 

💥💥💥

While Rey discusses Ben’s integrity -- which Ben tries to ignore the connection in the back of his brain as it feels oddly intrusive right now -- more of Ben’s nightmares come true. 

Poe Dameron exits the command center and runs into him and Lando. Poe jumps back, shocked when he realizes who’s standing in front of him. 

“Where’s Leia?” Lando asks. 

“What is _he_ doing here?” Poe asks. 

“Rey brought him. He’s here to help,” Lando says. 

Ben takes a moment before deciding to speak. 

“You know the First Order wants me dead too. Let me help, Poe. I can help the Resistance,” Ben says.

“You broke my mind. It was awful,” Poe says. 

“I know. I’m sorry. For everything. After this, you can do with me as the Resistance sees fit. But I can help you. I have to help you.”

Before Poe can respond, they’re interrupted by Chewie screaming and heading in their direction. Lando tries to keep space between Chewie and Ben, but it’s futile. 

“I know, Chewie. I’m sorry.”

Leia storms over to investigate the noise, and stops in her tracks when she sees her son for the first time in the longest time. 

“Where’s Rey?” Poe asks.

“With Finn and Rose,” Lando replies. 

“I haven’t mind tricked her,” Ben adds, “I would never.”

“It’s a little hard to know what you’d never do, _Kylo_ ,” Poe exaggerates the name and Ben winces.

“I would never. I _couldn’t_ ,” Ben is defensive, on edge. 

“Benjamin,” Leia finally says. Ben shoots up straight, trying to control his breathing.

The air is constrictive and unease circles them. Lando and Chewie exchange a glance, Poe can’t keep his eyes off the scene in front of him. 

Leia crosses closer to Ben, slow as if this was a dream and could all end suddenly. 

“Rey was right,” Leia says. 

“She generally is,” Ben replies. 

Leia wraps her arms around him, hugging him tightly. It takes a minute for Ben to adjust to the sensation, unsure what to do with his arms. He settles in and rests his arms on her back, returning his mother’s hug. It’s the first time he’s hugged his mother since he was a teenager. It’s the first time he’s really seen her in person since he was a teenager. 

He feels her tears against his chest and he ignores the tears falling from his own face. 

Poe and Lando recognize their intrusive presence on this reunion and back away. Lando pulls Chewie away, tugging on his arm. 

“She’ll be fine,” Lando assures Chewie. 

“I’m sorry,” Ben says. 

“I know,” his mother replies, extracting herself from the hug. 

Ben wipes away the tears from his face and turns away so his mother wouldn’t see how _weak_ he was -- but how stupid was that? She knows. He’s kidding himself.

“Rey told me a bit about the Force visions she’d seen,” Leia states. 

“We opened the holocrons together,” Ben tells her. 

“What did you see?” 

“This. The final battle. What I have to do,” Ben replies. 

“And what’s the ending?” 

Ben softly smiles. 

“You know I can’t tell you that. Destinies can change and I can’t influence anything beyond what I can control,” Ben says. 

“When did my son get so wise?” Leia’s so soft, so kind and Ben knows he doesn’t deserve it -- knows he doesn’t deserve the kindness and the way she almost teases him about his knowledge of the Force. 

“When I met Rey,” he answers. 

“She’s a good influence,” Leia says. 

“I know,” Ben replies. 

“Where is she?” 

“Trying to convince Finn I’m not here to kill her or anyone else,” Ben shrugs.

“Let’s go help her,” Leia says, starting to head toward the main camp. 

“All I wanted was for you to come home,” Leia says so quietly, it’s like a prayer. 

_Salvation. Grace. Forgiveness._

“I know,” Ben replies.

💥💥💥

Outwardly, Rey seems content with the agreement she, Finn, and Rose have reached. In her head, she remembers Ben’s words from so long ago. He knew this was his fate, to be executed by the Resistance. But wasn’t he dying in their vision anyway? 

Is there no respite for her? What has she done to not deserve a moment of solace, of happiness -- even fleeting? It’ll never last. 

_How is it fair? Am I not afforded grace?_

_Stop overthinking, Rey. We’ll figure it out as we go. Please,_ Ben attempts to calm her down through the bond. 

Her bond furrows. 

_You were thinking so loud it distracted me. Thanks for that, though. Because this has been painful,_ he adds. 

_Sorry_ , she says sincerely, regretting leaving him alone.

 _It was inevitable_ , he shrugs.

💥💥💥

Rey nearly leaps out of her seat when Ben and Leia walk through the door. The bond sighs and feels so content, so right, and so warm. She rushes toward him, grasping at his sleeve and standing close to him. He resists the urge to kiss her -- but he can feel her desire through the bond and places a quick on her forehead. 

He notices Finn grimace at the contact. 

“We don’t have much time,” Rose says to the group. 

“We need to be ready for anything,” Finn adds. 

“Poe, are the X-Wings ready?” Rose asks. 

“They’re all set. Are the stormtroopers ready?” Poe asks. 

“Almost. I just want to talk to them one last time,” Finn replies. 

Poe nods and gestures for Finn to continue.

“When we get to Coruscant, half of the stormtroopers and squadrons will stage a ground attack. We know they have Inquisitors on the ground,” Finn says. 

“There’s a few Knights of Ren left, too. Two of them will still be on the ground,” Ben adds. 

“Good to know. We’ll need at least one of our Force users on the ground helping,” Finn continues. 

“I’ll stay on the ground. Ben will be more useful on the _Finalizer_ ,” Rey replies, knowing from the holocrons she had to. Knowing her and Ben were going to be separated. 

“And then the other half will board the _Finalizer_ , the First Order’s command ship. That’s where Hux is.”

“I’ll assist with the plans for the attack. I assume Hux has changed the security codes, but I still know the layout of the ship like the back of my hand. I can get a crew to the bridge,” Ben interjects. 

It looks like Finn hates that he has to trust Ben, but there’s no other choice -- Ben knows the First Order and Finalizer better than anyone in the room. 

“And after -- we send a call to the galaxy. We tell everyone the First Order’s reign is over. We get representatives together and put together a Senate and Republic. We save the galaxy,” Finn finishes and there’s an invigorating spirit running through the Force. 

They’d do this. They’d win. The First Order would end. 

The rest of the Resistance filters out of the room, leaving Ben and Rey alone and alone with their thoughts.

Rey chooses not to think about Ben’s fate. Ben _does_ , however and Rey tries so hard to block his thoughts out. 

_Please_ , Rey pleads through the bond, tightening her grasp on his bicep, _wait until this is over. I can’t go into this thinking I’ll lose you forever._

It’s easier for her to say these things through the bond, giving them less power, making them less real and concrete.

 _We both saw the same vision, Rey. You know what my fate is,_ he responds and she lets go of his arm like it’s a hot coal, burning her all of a sudden. 

_We really did set each other on fire_ , Ben thinks.

“Would you be angry if I kissed you, then?” Ben asks out loud. 

Rey swats at him playfully. 

“Benjamin Solo, you are the _worst_ ,” she jokes. 

“Is that a no?” He smirks. 

She swats at him again, but he captures her wrist, twirling her in close to him and kissing her, moving one hand to her waist and the other around her neck. She melts into his touch and returns the kiss. 

_Would this be our last?_ She asks herself. 

He breaks the kiss, staring at her intently. 

“Rey, our destiny is far beyond this. We’ve seen what we’ve seen. _Please_ , cyar’ika. Let me relish in this for just a little while longer. In you. In _us_.”

Rey blinks away tears and kisses him, soft and almost desperate. There’s an electricity that passes between them and he traces her jawline and neck with kisses, pulling her so tightly against him she thought he’d never let go -- and she didn’t want him to. 

She could stay in his embrace -- _safe, happy, loved_ \-- for the rest of her life.

💥💥💥

Finn’s nervous, Rose and Poe can tell. He paces before he enters the room where the ex-stormtroopers sit. 

“Finn, you understand why they’re here. You understand what they have to do. What they want to do. You can do this,” Rose encourages him. 

Finn hugs her and claps her shoulder. 

“Thank you,” he replies and heads into the room. 

He stands up straight and looks out into the seeming sea of people who were just like him -- taken from their homes so young before they could think for themselves -- before they could form opinions, before they had a choice. And they made it out. They rebelled. 

The hardest thing Finn’s ever done, he thinks, was leaving the First Order. And he knows the ex-stormtroopers in front of him must feel the same. 

He’s _proud_ of himself. Of them. And today they’d put an end to it all. 

“We’ll be launching our assault on the First Order today. Half of the company will be a part of the ground assault. Half of the company will be on the _Finalizer_. Your blasters must be set to stun when you’re fighting against other stormtroopers. We don’t know how many more want to leave. I don’t want anyone to die that doesn’t have to. That didn’t have a choice in their life.” 

He pauses, lets the crowd settle a bit. 

“The First Order is going to end today. We are going to end this. We’re going to take back what we lost. We are going to rebuild. We are going to be _free_.”

Finn feels so ready to take on the First Order. He looks out at the crowd -- fired up, ready to fight for their lives -- and he just _knows_ they’ll win.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> used a lot of quotes from CW/Rebels and the Jedi + Sith codes in this one. 
> 
> thank you so much for reading!! comments + kudos are greatly appreciated and give me a lot of serotonin :) 
> 
> follow me on twitter  
> and check out some of my other smutty one shots you might be interested in:  
>  want you next to me — a smutty one shot (best friend’s sister/roommates)
> 
> control (to get what I want) — a CNC one shot
> 
> love me at the ungodly hour — an edging/orgasm delay fic


	18. chapter eighteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And Finn?” Rey adds. 
> 
> “Yeah?”
> 
> “I know how it feels. To have everything on your shoulders. I get it. I know you’re worried because you’re leading these stormtroopers. But they trust you -- and for good reason,” Rey tells him. 
> 
> “I guess I never thought about the fact that you’d feel the same way,” Finn replies. 
> 
> “It’s not easy. But it’s worth it. We’re going to win. We’re going to defeat the First Order,” and Rey says it so confidently Finn feels it. He’s certain she’s aware of something he’s not, and he decides to trust her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll probably post the epilogue chapter on monday! enjoy!
> 
> also cw for praise kink ao3 will not let me updated the tags for some reason!!! (plz help)

The Resistance is a whirlwind of last-minute preparation and Rey’s not sure what to do. 

She has her saber, she has a blaster, and she’s ready as she’ll ever be. 

There is almost an anxious expectation, just chomping at the bit to finish this. To help heal the galaxy. To finally have _balance_.

Rey refuses to think that this will be the end for Ben -- she remembers what Daughter told her. 

_He who surrenders hope surrenders life._

Rey had to hope Ben would survive. That they would both survive. 

She’d figure out the rest later. 

_They’d_ figure out the rest later. 

There’s a fleeting moment Rey feels where Ben’s hope is gone. He’s just doing this for her and she wants to snap. 

“You cannot be doing this just for me. You have to have hope, Ben. Please,” she tells him. 

He interlaces their fingers and raises her hand to his lips, kissing her hand. 

“I have hope. I have hope in you and I have hope that we will win and that has to be enough for now,” Ben responds. 

“Ben,” she begins. 

“I know we will bring balance in the Force. I know we will help the galaxy. The rest will come.”

_There is only the Force and the Force shall free them._

_The only thing the darkness loved was the light._

They center each other. They calm each other. A dyad in the Force, ready to face anything together. 

They’re interrupted by Finn, who rushes toward them. 

“We need to leave,” Finn tells Rey. 

“Okay,” Rey prepares herself. 

“You’ll be going with Rose and Chewie,” Finn directs toward Ben. 

“If you double cross us you’ll die,” Finn says. 

“I know. I won’t,” Ben replies.

Rey squeezes Ben’s hand. 

Finn can feel he’s intruding on something between the two of them. There’s an uncomfortable silence. 

“15 minutes,” Finn says. 

“We’ll be ready,” Rey responds. 

There’s a lucidity between Ben and Rey at this moment. They felt this before. They know this moment. 

There’s a knowing smile that creeps on Ben’s face, and Rey can’t help but match it. 

He kisses her, hand on her neck and caressing her so delicately. 

He breaks the kiss and smiles again. 

“In case this is the last time, cyar’ika,” he says kissing her cheek. 

“You know there is a higher destiny for us,” she says.

“Destinies can change,” he replies. 

“Weren’t you the one who told me to have faith in something?” 

“And I do,” he says, kissing her again. 

“It’s time to go,” Lando calls to them and Rey and Ben separate, their hands the last to part. 

“Go,” Ben tells her. 

She stands on her toes and kisses his cheek. 

“Goodbye, Ben,” she says against his cheek. He cups her face and kisses her once more. 

“Go,” he reiterates and pushes her toward Finn. 

“You ready?” Lando says after a moment, giving Ben space. 

“Let’s go,” Ben says, turning on his heels and headed to the Falcon. 

Ben lets Chewie and Lando pilot -- and he’s suddenly feeling thirteen again -- the angst, the longing, and the wanting to re-do so much of his life fill his chest. 

_Balance is found in someone who has faced their own guilt,_ he reminds himself. 

He has to stop focusing on his guilt. He has to focus on the Resistance, the war, and _ending_ things. 

He might not get a fair shot at life after this, but he’d make damn sure Rey did.

💥💥💥

“So, you and Ren, huh?” Finn asks, breaching the subject with as little subtly as possible and extremely awkward. 

“Yeah,” Rey replies. 

“Care to elaborate?” Finn asks. 

“Not really, no. At least not right now,” Rey responds. 

“Did he mind trick you like he did with Poe? Did he get in your mind?” 

“No, Finn. He didn’t. I just don’t want to focus on that right now. I don’t want to get distracted. We’re one standard hour away from Coruscant. We have to get ready,” Rey insists. 

Finn backs off because he knows Rey is right. He knows he’s been asking as a distraction to his own feelings. He’s keenly aware of the number of ex-stormtroopers with them and with Rose and the rest of the Resistance going to the _Finalizer_. He’s keenly aware of all the pressure he’s placed upon himself.

Rey may not have a direct link to Finn’s mind like she does with Ben, but she’s aware enough of his energy in the Force to know how unsettled he is. 

She hugs him. It’s tender and she tries to comfort him, to show him she’s still the same Rey as before. 

“I promise I’ll tell you everything,” she says. 

“What if we don’t make it out of here alive?” Finn’s serious. They both know the stakes. 

“We will. Trust me. Force things,” she says, almost teasing. 

Finn chuckles. 

“And Finn?” Rey adds. 

“Yeah?”

“I know how it feels. To have everything on your shoulders. I get it. I know you’re worried because you’re leading these stormtroopers. But they trust you -- and for good reason,” Rey tells him. 

“I guess I never thought about the fact that you’d feel the same way,” Finn replies. 

“It’s not easy. But it’s worth it. We’re going to win. We’re going to defeat the First Order,” and Rey says it so confidently Finn feels it. He’s certain she’s aware of something he’s not, and he decides to trust her. 

💥💥💥

“Are you ready?” Rose asks Ben as they’re about to approach the _Finalizer_.

“I’ll put in the codes,” he says, moving to the cockpit. 

“You’re sure they’ll work?” Lando asks. 

“I mean, Hux might have changed them. But I think he has other things on his mind than remembering to change my clearance codes. In any case, he’ll get notified I used them. We’ll have ten minutes at best,” Ben shrugs. 

“Let’s do this,” Lando replies. 

Ben inputs the codes and they clear immediately. 

“Okay, Kylo -- Ben,” Rose corrects herself, “you and I will go to the bridge with a few stormtroopers. The rest of you will need to go to the reactor core and disable it.”

The captains of the stormtrooper companies nod and say yes in assent. 

“Make sure you have your blasters set to stun. There have to be others like you,” Ben instructs. 

Rose’s eyes soften toward him. 

“Yes, set everything to stun. Don’t kill unless you are absolutely in danger,” she adds. 

Rose exits the cockpit with the stormtroopers. Ben hangs back for a moment, reaching out into the bond to make sure Rey is there and okay. He feels her warmth and he moves to leave the Falcon.

“Kylo Ren wouldn’t have set the blasters to stun,” Lando points out. 

Ben follows Rose hastily, not commenting on Lando’s remark. 

They stun three guards in the hangar bay and Ben knows their time before Hux sends Inquisitors to deal with them is narrowing. 

Ben sends one stormtrooper group led by Lando and Chewie down to where the reactor core is. He sends another to where the satellite is located. They’ll turn everything off, the _Finalizer_ would be immobile, and they’d start the attack. 

Ben runs through the plan so much in his head Rey worms her way in --

 _“Please think a little less loudly_ ,” she tells him through the bond. 

“ _I’m just running through the plan_ ,” he counters. 

“ _I have my own plan to run through. I don’t need yours in there as well. You don’t have a lot of time. You need to pay attention_ ,” she chastises him and at first he’s a little taken aback, a little offended -- and then it shifts. 

It wafts through the bond -- the root of her admonishment. It’s care. And there’s affection and worry and so much more. He’s never felt so overwhelmed. He smiles. And lets her chastise him. He lets her get angry. Because he knows she’s doing it because she cares.

Because they both know how this ends. 

But Ben thinks if by some miracle, by the grace of the Force and the galaxy, he survives this -- 

He’d be content being chastised by Rey his whole life if it meant they’d always care for each other that deeply. 

His mind snaps to attention when he feels a blaster bolt graze his shoulder. It hits a stormtrooper standing next to him.

“Fuck,” he says out loud. 

_See? Go. I’ll be here when you’re done_ , Rey says through the bond. 

_Soon, cyar’ika. Soon,_ he replies and takes off through the hallways of the _Finalizer_ , Rose behind him. 

“You are moving so _fast_ ,” Rose laments, out of breath. 

“Would you rather get hit with another blaster bolt?” Ben asks, perturbed. 

“No,” she says. 

“Then hurry up,” he replies and she jogs a little faster to keep up with him. 

There are more stormtroopers at the end of the hallway and Ben uses the Force to push them back and knock them out. 

“They’ll be fine in a bit,” Ben reassures Rose, who looks a little anxious. 

She nods and they continue onward, stepping over the unconscious bodies. 

They turn the corner and run right into an Inquisitor. Ben ignites his lightsaber and Rose steps behind him. 

Ben wastes no time going on the offensive. He slashes vigorously and with little regard to his form. The Inquisitor’s fighting dirty and unrefined, so he will too. 

There’s one close call when the Inquisitor’s lightsaber almost makes contact with Ben’s thigh but Ben uses the Force to push him back and stabs the Inquisitor with the lightsaber in the chest, killing him instantly. Ben gathers the Inquisitor’s lightsaber and hooks it on his belt. 

He turns to Rose, making sure she’s still there. She looks stunned at the scene before her. He keeps moving, not wanting to linger.

He keeps his lightsaber ignited, leading the way to the bridge like a guiding light.

“We’re almost to the bridge,” he tells Rose. 

And as if on cue, when they make the next turn they run into a group of generals. They have a few stormtroopers guarding them, who immediately begin firing at Rose and Ben. 

Ben deflects the blaster bolts with ease and knocks the stormtroopers out. 

He is not as kind to the generals. Some run and he Force chokes them and they collapse in place. Some beg for forgiveness, some ask him how dare he defy the First Order. 

It’s Pryde and Parnadee who are the biggest problems. 

_Big surprise there,_ Ben thinks to himself. 

Pryde’s on his comm, warning Hux of Kylo’s arrival. Parnadee comms for extra back up to the bridge as soon as possible. 

Ben considers for a moment allowing them mercy. Senseless killing wouldn’t get him anywhere with the Resistance after this is over if he ends up surviving, and Rose is right there to witness it at all. 

It’s not senseless, though, when Parnadee takes out a blaster and hits Rose square in the shoulder. 

Rose yelps in pain and Ben makes his decision. He kills Parnadee with his lightsaber, slicing through her body. He Force chokes Pryde to keep him in place until Ben turns his lightsaber on Pryde. He stabs him through the chest and he falls to the ground. 

Ben can hear Hux on the comm. 

“Has he made it on the bridge? Pryde, are you there? We’ll be approaching the bridge in 10 minutes,” Hux says. 

Ben leans down and takes Pryde’s wrist in his hand. He responds to the comm. 

“I’m here, Hux. Do your worst,” Ben says, his eyes narrowing and his heart beating rapidly. 

He drops Pryde’s wrist and the thump makes Rose jump. 

“Is your arm--?” Ben begins to ask. 

“It’s fine,” Rose insists. 

“I can heal it. I’m not as good as Rey, but I can help it a little,” Ben offers. 

“We don’t have much time,” Rose reminds him. 

Ben realizes it’s because she doesn’t trust him. And why should she, really? There’s still a part of him that’s Kylo Ren, Supreme Leader of the First Order. But there’s also a part of him that’s Ben Solo. And a part of him that’s Rey.

And he channels that energy when he walks over to her, placing his hands on Rose’s shoulder. She slinks back slightly, but it doesn’t deter him. He centers himself in the Force, in Rey’s energy, and heals Rose’s shoulder with ease. 

“Thank you,” she says, experimentally moving her shoulder. 

“You’re welcome. You’re more useful to me if you’re not in pain,” he says, tossing her a blaster. 

“You do know how to use one, don’t you?” Ben asks. 

“Of course I do,” Rose says, a bit offended. 

“Just checking,” he replies, entering a code to the bridge. 

“I’m surprised Hux didn’t change the code,” Rose comments. 

“He did. It was just on Pryde’s comm,” Ben answers. 

“Ah,” Rose says. 

“Now go download what you need before Hux gets here. We won’t be able to hold off him and any Inquisitors for long,” Ben instructs, closing the door and sealing it with the Force. 

Rose nods and gets to work downloading all the files she can to a holodisk. 

Ben waits with hunger and disdain growing in his chest. It’s a pit of darkness and he feels consumed by the anger he feels towards Hux, towards the First Order, towards everything. 

_It’s time to end this,_ he reminds himself. 

_Find the balance,_ a voice in his head says. It’s Daughter, so clearly -- they must be nearing the end. 

_The final ascension,_ Ben thinks, _is this how my grandfather felt?_

He doesn’t give himself much time to mull over the answer, because his Force shields dissipate as Inquisitors and Hux burst through the door.

💥💥💥

“Rose and Kylo have made it to the bridge. She’s uploading files now,” Poe tells them over the comm. 

“Do we have them?” Leia asks. 

“85 percent complete. We’ll get there,” Poe says. 

“Has anyone realized they’re on board?” She inquires. 

“Not yet, General. But it’s only a matter of time,” Poe replies sadly. 

“Godspeed,” Leia says. 

“90 percent,” Poe informs her.

💥💥💥

“It’s completely uploaded to the Resistance,” Rose whispers as the door begins to open. 

“Hide the holodisk,” Ben commands.

Ben holds his lightsaber at the ready. 

“Run when I tell you. Or when you can. I’ll make sure you get out of here,” Ben promises Rose. 

The door opens and Ben stands up even straighter. The Inquisitors begin attacking immediately. He matches every strike and blocks every blaster shot. 

But he can’t help but think.

He knows how this ends. He’s seen it -- but it’s the in between that makes him anxious. He’s aware of Rose behind him, and he’s told her to run when he gives her the chance. He holds his own against the Inquisitors. Hux stands off to the side. 

And one by one, Ben slays the Inquisitors. 

He’s feral and has nothing left to lose. He’s never felt so much like his father. 

Would his father be proud of him?

He’s down to fighting one last Inquisitor, though he’s certain Hux has commed for more. Hux shifts uncomfortably watching the scene play out. 

The Inquisitor is good, though. He holds his own. 

_He has to be from Dathomir,_ Ben thinks. 

And then the world stops. There is a sting and Ben feels like his head has been split open. 

He wonders briefly if he’s dead. 

He’s not, though. Instead, he is in Rey’s mind fully. She’s fighting planetside on Coruscant against the Knights of Ren. She’s losing. It’s not that she can’t hold her own. She’s just as feral and bloodthirsty as he was, and his heart swells with pride when she lands a few hits. But she’s still fighting against three Force users, and he’s distracted during his own fight making sure Rey’s okay. 

He suddenly sees and feels Rey take a hit to her shoulder. She collapses and he can’t help but cry out -- wanting Rey to know he’s there. But instead, he’s ripped away from her consciousness and taken back to the present where the Inquisitor’s saber is at Ben’s throat, with his hands tied. 

“That’s too good of an end for him. I want him to suffer,” Hux sneers, and the Inquisitor nods. 

“Rose,” Ben’s voice is hoarse and desperate. 

“She ran out. I’m sure the stormtroopers have found her,” Hux says. Ben wishes he could hit the smug look off of Hux’s face. 

“You’re underestimating the Resistance,” Ben states. 

“No, I think I’m not. And it seems your Knights have ended your little Jedi’s life. Took them long enough,” Hux says, a ghoulish grin on his face. 

Ben struggles against her restraints. 

“She is _not_ dead,” Ben insists. 

“Unfortunately for you she is. But at least now you’ll be together,” Hux says and wastes no time before firing five blaster shots into Ben’s stomach and arm. 

The Inquisitor drops his blade. 

“Leave him to bleed out. I want him to suffer and be alone,” Hux insists. 

Hux crouches down next to Ben. 

“The old Supreme Leader can go down with his ship. May my reign be more successful.”

Hux kicks Ben once for good measure as Ben doubles over in pain. 

The door shuts violently as the Inquisitor and Hux leave. 

Ben lasts a few moments before passing out. 

💥💥💥

The rebelling stormtroopers are energized in a way Rey understands completely. The desperation, the anger, the desire for revenge. It’s all a part of her as well. 

It always will be. 

Maybe she wasn’t so different from the rest of the galaxy.

She wishes Unkar Plutt could see her now. 

They’ve set their blasters to stun, and she makes her way across bodies of First Order stormtroopers passed out. Coruscant seems small at this point -- like this is the only place on the planet that matters. Here and now. 

Finn nods in her direction and takes off with a large group of stormtroopers toward the old Senate building, where First Order command lies. He has the best troops they have, but there’s still a pit in Rey’s stomach that doesn’t seem to go away. 

Rey finds herself in the same gardens where she and Ben fought what feels like so long ago -- when he first saw her lightsaber. When they were still enemies. But they weren’t, were they?

He had slipped her the tracker and she may have stayed if she wasn’t so cowardly. 

Maybe she should have. 

She leads her small group of stormtroopers through the gardens, towards another building when the Knights appear out of nowhere. 

Vicrul slices his scythe through the stormtroopers like it’s nothing. 

Rey keeps herself from screaming in agony at the loss but instead _snarls_ as she moves forward on the offensive, not caring she’s outmatched three against one. 

She realizes soon in that she’s no match for Kuruk’s style of fighting, but she tries her best to channel the dark side energy she knows is within her and unleashes her fury. 

It’s then that she can sense Ben inside her mind. She’s not sure if he’s pushed in or she’s so desperate for his help, his guidance, anything.

She’s reinvigorated and lands a deadly blow to Ap’lek’s side. He collapses and Vicrul and Kuruk focus in on her with renewed fervor. 

It’s then she notices Cardo is not there. She makes a mental note to have Ben search in the Force for him. 

She yelps in pain when Kuruk’s lightsaber skims her arm and she doubles over. She still senses Ben at the back of her mind, and she forces herself to continue onward in the fight. 

The Resistance would not lose today. 

She manages to break away from the fight, leading the Vicrul and Kuruk toward the Resistance fighters that have landed planetside. 

There’s a moment, though. 

The world stops.

Rey knows the second it happens. She feels it in her bones and her soul. 

Ben was not long for this galaxy. 

Rey had to act quickly. 

“Lead them to the Finalizer,” Rey tells Poe, gesturing to the Knights following her. 

“Why?”

“Just do it,” Rey growls, her patience evaporated.

Poe doesn’t return the comm. 

She acts like she jumps onto the ship, but at the last moment she breaks off, confusing the Knights who end up following Poe’s ship.

Rey takes a moment to breathe. 

It’s been so long since Rey was a scavenger alone on Jakku. 

It’s been so long since she was on Jakku. 

It’s been so long since she was a scavenger. 

It’s been so long since she was alone. 

She wouldn’t let that change now. 

She reaches out in the Force and feels the faint, frayed tendrils of Ben’s Force signature. 

It’s not like she didn’t see this in the visions. It’s not like she didn’t prepare for this. 

But feeling it? That was a whole different story. 

She pulls herself together. The Resistance has control of three ships, they’re about to board the _Finalizer_ , and the ground crew on Coruscant had it handled. 

She’d go alone, and maybe she’d be able to save the other half of her soul. 

“Rey,” Finn calls to her, rushing over. 

“Are you hurt?” He asks, seeing her crumpled up on the ground. 

“No. It’s Ben,” she replies. 

“What happened?” 

“I don’t know. He’s on the _Finalizer_. I’m going there,” she says, taking a deep breath and forcing herself to stand up straight. 

“You can’t go alone. I’ll go with you,” Finn says, pulling Rey into a hug. 

“Finn, I can’t lose him,” Rey says against his chest. 

“I don’t trust him. And I don’t like this at all. But I’m going with you,” Finn acquiesces. 

  
💥💥💥

Rose runs down the hallways of the _Finalizer_ clutching at her necklace where she’s hidden the holodisk. The information has all been uploaded to the Resistance, but she’s still nervous. 

She regrets for a moment leaving Kylo Ren to die, thinking of Leia and Rey, but there was no way he was getting out of that alive and she found the opportunity to run. He told her to take it. 

There are parts of the ship that are utterly destroyed and while Rose’s anxiety spikes as she passes burning wreckage, she realizes it’s because the Resistance is winning. They’re doing this. They’re defeating the First Order. 

She finally stumbles upon a room with a comm tower and inputs the codes to access the Resistance comm line. 

“Kaydel, are you there?” Rose asks. 

“I’m here,” Kaydel replies. 

“You have the files?” Rose confirms. 

“We do,” Kaydel says. 

“I have the holodisk. Now I just need a way off the ship,” Rose says. 

“We’ll send a transport. Meet at the hangar bay. Can you get there?” Kaydel asks. 

“I hope, but I’m going to take a commlink with me,” Rose responds. 

“We’ll keep the channels open,” Kaydel tells her. 

“I’ll be there soon,” Rose says, examining schematics of the ship, mapping out her moves. 

“Did Kylo...” Kaydel begins. 

“No. He didn’t make it,” Rose says matter-of-factly. 

“I’ll tell Poe. He can be the one to tell the General,” Kaydel says. 

“I think that’s a good idea. I’ll see you soon, Kaydel.”

Rose disconnects the comm and rushes out of the room, heading for the hangar bay. 

She barely makes it through unscathed, but she had the presence of mind to pick up a blaster along the way and stunned any remaining stormtroopers. 

She gets on the transport quickly and they make their way off the ship. 

“There’s no way this ship makes it through the battle,” the pilot comments, noting the flames engulfing half of the _Finalizer_ as they fly away. 

“What about the stormtroopers?” Rose asks, horrified. 

“There’s a large transport coming for them. Don’t worry,” the pilot tells her. 

Rose feels relieved that they won’t be abandoned on this burning ship. But there’s a part of her that is scared to tell Rey about Kylo. 

Rey has done everything for the Resistance and Rose knows Rey is burnt out and that she cared deeply about Kylo. 

It seems impossible to explain to her. 

Rose gets on the comm with Poe and takes a deep breath before she speaks. 

“Poe, Kylo Ren is dead. I left him on the _Finalizer_. I took my chance and ran for it. I’ll be planetside on Coruscant shortly,” Rose says. 

“Finn and Rey are on their way to the _Finalizer._ Rey says she knows Kylo got injured but he’s still alive. Finn wouldn’t let her go alone,” Poe responds. 

“That ship is on fire. There’s no way they have time,” Rose insists. 

“You know nothing will change Rey’s mind. I have a feeling she’ll be fine though.”

“I don’t think Kylo Ren will be,” Rose says. 

“Even if he is, he’ll have to answer for everything. They’re going to arrest him and put together a tribunal if he survives,” Poe informs her. 

“There’s no way he does,” Rose says grimly. 

“I don’t think Rey will let that happen,” Poe states.

💥💥💥

Ben Solo is dreaming. Well, he thinks he is at least. 

Because there’s no way the world he’s in is real. There’s no way this is the afterlife, or the netherworld of the Force, or wherever the galaxy will banish him when he dies. 

It reminds him vaguely of his family’s house on Naboo. There are fields of green as far as he can see. There are butterflies and the scent of the lake makes him feel a little heady. 

_Paradise? Grace._

But there’s something sinister deep within the dream, within him. 

It reminds him of Snoke’s voice within him.

He tries to run from it, toward the fields but there’s something that stops him. He collapses on the edge of the field, unable to move anymore. 

He succumbs to the darkness. He sobs. 

He senses Rey’s presence and tries to open the bond, but he’s not strong enough. 

He hears her voice faintly in the Force. 

“I’m coming, Ben. Please hold on,” Rey says. 

He wouldn’t let her down. 

💥💥💥

“I know where he is,” Rey says once they reach the _Finalizer_. They’ve left the TIE fighter they stole in the hangar bay and make their way through the wreckage. 

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Finn says. 

“I know,” Rey replies, acutely aware of both the burning ship around her and Ben’s deteriorating condition. 

“Rose said she left him and he was dead. What do you think happened?” 

“I think he passed out. When I felt him in the Force it seems like he’s on a different plane. I don’t know how to describe it,” Rey says. 

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand Force things,” he responds. 

“I don’t think it matters,” she says, leading them down a hallway with abandoned stormtrooper helmets. 

“They evacuated them all,” Finn says. 

“You did great today, Finn. With the stormtroopers. You were the leader they needed. It was impressive,” Rey tells him. 

Finn’s facial expressions are a mix of pride and embarrassment like he’s not sure how to take the compliment or what to say. 

“I can’t take all the credit,” Finn responds. 

“No one ever can. But you did a lot of good today for a lot of people.”

“We’re winning this thing,” Finn says with a smile on his face. 

“We’re winning this thing,” Rey affirms. 

A piece of the ship breaks off to the side of them. 

“If we survive this,” he amends. 

“We will. Thank you for coming with me, even if you don’t trust Ben. It means a lot to me,” Rey says. 

“I’d do anything for you, Rey. I’m sorry I haven’t fully understood what you were going through, and I’m sorry that we pushed you too hard.”

“Thank you,” Rey says and her heart feels a bit relieved from the guilt and anger she felt for the Resistance. 

Maybe this was her way to balance. 

“He’s not far,” she says, breaking the silence they had fallen into. 

She can feel his Force signature wane in and out of consciousness and she picks up the pace. 

Finn and Rey turn a corner and run directly into Hux and an Inquisitor. Rey’s quick on the uptake, easily manipulating the Inquisitor with the Force and causing them to fall. She slices through him with her lightsaber without much effort and she turns to see Finn punch Hux before Hux can even fire his blaster. 

Hux falls to the ground and Finn picks up a blaster and points it at Hux’s head. 

“FN-2187,” Hux realizes. 

“It’s Finn. And the First Order’s lost. This is for the stormtroopers,” Finn says fiercely, firing two blaster shots square in Hux’s head. 

Finn drops the blaster and continues moving down the hallway. 

Rey steps over the Inquisitor and Hux’s lifeless body and follows in his wake. 

“That felt good,” Finn tells Rey. 

“He deserved it. I’m glad it was you,” Rey says. 

They round a few more hallways until they find the room Ben’s in. 

Rey immediately runs to him and crouches down next to him, pulling him into her. 

“Ben,” she says against his neck, but he doesn’t respond. He’s completely unconscious. She can feel his pulse and Force signature. 

“Rey...” Finn says. 

“He’s not dead yet,” Rey replies. 

She’s seen this before. 

She calls for Leia, for Daughter, for anyone to help her in the Force. 

So she does. 

Maybe this is sealing their fate in the Force. 

It’s silent. 

Finn looks at her with pity. 

She holds Ben’s body in her arms and clutches him close, begging him to wake. She tries to heal him using the Force. It doesn’t work. 

She’s begun to give up all hope when the energy on the ship changes. Daughter appears to her, clear as day. 

And they’re pulled into a vision. 

It’s different, being there together as one. 

A dyad in the Force. 

It’s similar to the World Between Worlds, the plane they’re on. 

Daughter places her hand on Rey’s shoulder. It’s soft and tender. Light. 

“Let go of Ben,” Daughter tells Rey. Her voice is calm but firm, but it incites rage inside Rey. 

“I will not abandon him,” Rey insists. 

“Rey,” Daughter says, more firm -- like she’s channeling Son’s energy. 

“He’s my soulmate,” Rey says quietly. 

“And I am going to use my power to heal him.”

Rey looks up at Daughter. 

“You have to finish what you have started. Bring balance to the Force. There are ten Inquisitors and two Knights left. You cannot bring balance alone. I cannot help you bring balance.”

“You can heal him?” Rey asks. 

“I won’t be able to sustain any more visions for you both. I will not be able to help you after this. But you’ll have each other and the knowledge from the holocrons, and that will be enough.”

Rey lays Ben down gingerly. She scoots back and can’t help but look away as Daughter leans down and places her hands on Ben’s stomach. 

Ben wakes with a gasp and they’re dropped out of the vision, back to the _Finalizer_. 

It takes Ben a moment to return to full consciousness and to take in what just happened. 

Daughter gave her Force to Ben. She has become one with the cosmic Force. For him.

As Son did so many years ago to Anakin Skywalker. 

That’s the thing about the Skywalkers. They’re always the Chosen Ones. They’re always the important ones. The mantle was too heavy for Anakin. 

But Ben Solo wouldn’t let Daughter’s memory die in vain. 

He’d bring balance to the Force. He’d finish what he started. What his grandfather started. 

“What the hell just happened?” Finn asks, shocked. 

“I couldn’t even begin to tell you,” Rey says exasperatedly. 

“Are we still on the _Finalizer_?” Ben asks. 

“He was practically dead. And now he’s just fine? And talking?” Finn says incredulously. 

“Force things. Come on, Ben. Can you stand?” Rey asks, extending her hand to him. 

“I’m fine. I feel like a new person, honestly.”

“And thank the Maker for it. I can’t do this without you,” Rey says. 

“Thank _Daughter_ ,” Ben corrects. 

“Right.”

“Can we get off this doomed ship now?” Finn asks. 

“Yes,” Rey and Ben say in unison. 

“Oh, that’s going to get annoying,” Finn remarks. 

Rey and Ben look at each other for a moment. 

“We’ll try to refrain,” Rey says. 

“Is there a faster way to the hangar bay?” Finn asks Ben. 

Ben looks taken aback by the direct question to him. 

“Yes, there’s a shortcut through the back passageways,” Ben stammers out. 

“Let’s get moving, then,” Rey says, leading the group. 

“Where are the Knights?” Ben asks once they reach the hangar bay and take a mid-size ship that can seat them comfortably. 

“Kuruk and Vicrul are on Coruscant. They almost killed me. No clue where Cardo is. He wasn’t there,” Rey says. 

“Are you well enough to pilot?” Rey asks Ben. 

“I told you. I’m practically a new person. I feel the Force even more than before,” he says. 

“Pilot, then. Get us out of here and back to Coruscant.”

“I will, cyar’ika.”

Finn rolls his eyes at the endearment and Rey swats at him lightly. 

“Get the Resistance on the comm, Finn. Tell them we’re coming in this ship. And tell them we have Ben and we’re ready to finish the Inquisitors off.”

“On it,” Finn says, jumping on the comm. 

Finn learns they’ve taken over every major First Order ship and outpost in the Core Worlds. 

“It’s almost over,” he says. 

“It’s just on us now,” Rey remarks to Ben. 

“No pressure or anything,” he says sarcastically. 

“Oh not at all. Just the entire weight of the galaxy in a two against twelve fight. Seems fair,” Rey matches his tone. 

“I’ve seen...” Ben starts. 

“Yes?” Rey prompts. 

“We have the knowledge from the holocrons. We have each other. Our dyad. I’m not worried,” he says instead. 

“Glad one of us has reckless confidence,” she jokes. 

“You don’t live fifteen years with Han Solo without picking up a little reckless confidence,” he says. 

She notes the casual mention of Han Solo -- and while there’s sadness and regret in his words, the guilt is not as prominent. 

_Balance is found in one who faces their guilt._

And they were ready for the balance to free the galaxy. 

How far they’d come. 

“We have clearance,” Finn interrupts. 

“Put in the codes and coordinates,” Ben tells them. 

Finn does and sits back. 

“I’m still not cool with you,” Finn states. 

“I wouldn’t expect you to. I understand,” Ben says. 

Rey smiles to herself, knowing that years ago Kylo Ren would have never understood. Wouldn’t have cared to. 

“I care about Rey,” Finn says. 

“I know. I do too,” Ben points out. 

“If you ever hurt her...” Finn begins. 

“I would never. I would never hurt Rey. I swear,” Ben says fiercely. 

Rey stands behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders and massaging gently. 

“I know you wouldn’t. You couldn’t,” Rey says.

“If you do, I’ll kill you myself.”

Ben nods and places his hand over Rey’s. 

“Ah, Kuruk and Vicrul waiting for us,” Ben points out as he lands the shuttle. 

“They really are the worst,” Rey sighs, getting a blaster and her lightsaber ready. She passes two blasters to Finn. 

“Take these, but stay back,” Rey instructs. 

“I saw how they were kicking your ass earlier. I’ll stay back,” Finn says. 

“Yeah, and I got _distracted_.”

“I didn’t realize I was projecting that hard!” Rey exclaims.

Ben gets out of the pilot seat and kisses her on her cheek. Finn pointedly looks away. 

“Let’s go. They’re moving toward us,” Ben says, igniting his lightsaber and opening the door to the ship with the Force. 

Kuruk sprints toward them, wielding his lightsaber. Ben advances and engages him, anger flowing through him. He’s never felt so in tune with the Force and ready to take on the galaxy. 

_Balance_.

Kuruk’s talent with the Force and lightsaber is no match for Ben at this level of clarity. 

Ben lands a deathly blow to Kuruk’s stomach, and Ben watches his Knight collapse with little fanfare.

Ben turns on the spot and steps into the fray once more. 

Rey’s dodging hits from Vicrul’s scythe. She’s aggressive, but Vicrul practically froths at the mouth when he swings the scythe down. 

Ben centers himself in the Force and chokes Vicrul and sends his scythe flying. It’s enough of a distraction that Rey can slice through Vicrul with ease. 

“Two down, ten to go,” Rey says. 

“Let’s not get cocky yet,” Ben replies. 

“Finn!” Rey calls. 

Finn appears out of the ship with blasters at the ready. He surveys the scene and sees the dead bodies on the ground. He slumps a bit with relief and jogs toward Ben and Rey. 

“Poe just commed. The Inquisitors are in the old Senate building,” Finn informs them. 

“It’s this way,” Ben says, pointing across the garden. 

Rey extinguishes her lightsaber and clips it to her belt. 

“Let’s go.”

“Take the commlink, Rey. I’m going to go to Poe and the others,” Finn says, shoving it in her hands. 

“Finn--“

“I’m no use fighting against Inquisitors. They could use my help,” he reasons. 

“You’re right,” she concedes. 

He hugs her tightly before he takes off in the opposite direction. 

Leia’s the first person to greet him when Finn makes it to the makeshift Resistance base.

Her eyes are expectant and nervous -- and Finn understands. 

“He’s fine. He got healed somehow. I don’t know. It was a weird Force thing. They’re going to take down the rest of the Inquisitors,” Finn explains. 

Leia sighs with relief. 

“Thank you, Finn.”

“Did all of the stormtroopers make it back?” 

“Mostly. And we have some stromtroopers from the _Finalizer_ as well,” she says. 

“Okay,” Finn says, processing the information. 

“Poe and Rose are at the command center,” she says, pointing toward the center of the base. 

“Thanks,” he rushes toward them and Poe leaps out of his seat and crushes him in a hug. 

“I was worried you weren’t going to make it off the _Finalizer_. We saw it explode and I hadn’t heard from you. When I got that comm...” 

“I know. We’re fine. Well, I hope they’re fine. They were fine when I left them and I gave Rey the commlink,” Finn says. 

“Are you sure she’s okay with him alone?” Poe asks. 

“I think so. I haven’t forgotten what he’s done. But I don’t think he’d hurt her,” Finn says. 

“We have to figure out a game plan for when they get back,” Rose says. 

“If they get back,” Poe corrects. 

“They’ll get back,” Finn says assuredly, and it’s more for himself than anyone else. 

“We’ll have him arrested. He’s going to have to stand trial,” Poe says. 

“Have we captured any other ranking First Order generals?” 

“A few. We’re also sending envoys to all of the major First Order outposts. It’s over. For real this time. Leia is getting all of the politicians she knows from the Core and Mid Rim,” Rose informs him. 

“We’ve done that well?” 

“Every First Order ship and control tower on Coruscant except for the old Senate building which Rey and Kylo should be taking care of,” Rose continues. 

“Does the rest of the galaxy know?” 

“Kaydel and Leia are sending out a message on the holonet as we speak,” Poe says. 

💥💥💥

Rey and Ben make their way to the old Senate building and Rey silently thanks him for knowing his way so well. 

They move as a pair in everything, their minds so fully connected by the knowledge of the holocrons and their final understanding of what it means to bring balance to the Force. 

What it means to be a dyad in the Force. 

When they reach the edge of the lawn before the building, Ben stops Rey with his hand. 

She huffs and turns to face him. 

“What?” 

“You know it’s going to be an ambush. There’s a reason they’re all in one building. I don’t know what they’re planning, but it can’t be good.”

“We can handle it.”

“I know we can. I know _you_ can. I’m not saying you can’t, so don’t get angry with me,” he says, noting the way her brow furrowed and eyes narrowed. 

“I’m not angry,” she says. 

He shoots her a knowing look. 

“Okay. But we can handle it,” she repeats. 

“Keep the bond open. Completely and fully. We flow through each other. My bet is they’ll try to separate us,” he says. 

“We can do this. I know we can. It’s our destiny,” she insists. 

There’s a silence that grows between the two of them. It seems to say everything they’re both too scared to admit out loud, but that they both know. 

She takes a step forward and kisses him. It’s intense. More intense than either of them have felt before. The Force around them and inside them is so content -- like it has always been Rey and Ben together. Like it always will be. 

Rey snakes her hand up Ben’s shirt, she caresses him and her hand lingers over where he was hit with the blaster. There are no scars. There’s nothing. He backs away from her, breaking the kiss. 

She frowns. 

“We can’t do this right now. We don’t have to time to finish what we’ve started. And we can’t afford to be distracted,” he says. 

“You’re right,” she admits. 

He kisses her on the cheek and runs off. She follows him and they exchange a nod before they open the door to the Senate building. 

They’re met with silence. 

“I have a bad feeling about this,” Ben says. 

It’s almost instantaneous, the way three Inquisitors land in front of them, using their lightsabers like helicopter blades. Two immediately engage Rey and the other fights with Ben. 

He knew they’d do this. He knew they’d set more people on Rey. 

They didn’t realize Rey was much angrier than him. She feels like she has more to lose. She has more fight left in her. She’s going to take no prisoners. 

And he couldn’t wait to watch. 

He centers himself and fights the Inquisitor engaging him, whom he knows is using Force magic from Dathomir against him. 

He knows it’s because of the holocrons that he understands what that means and how to defeat him, and his ego inflates a bit as he uses the Force to freeze the Inquisitor and take his lightsabers. He beheads him in one fell swoop. 

He turns to see Rey kicking the Inquisitors asses. She has one pinned under her foot with the Force and the other she sends flying across the room. They both are taking longer to recover than Rey needs to kill them. 

_I’m going to move on. Keep the bond open. Let me know if you need me,_ he says through the bond. 

She grunts as she pummels a lightsaber through an Inquisitor’s chest. 

_I won’t,_ she says. 

His heart swells with pride. 

He makes his way through the hallways of the Senate building, his lightsaber at the ready. He slices through one Inquisitor easily who tried to attack him from behind -- he’s thankful for his increased Force sensitivity to feel the energy shift.

 _Four down,_ he thinks to himself. 

_Five_ , Rey replies in his head, _got another one. I went down the opposite hallway._

He turns the corner and runs straight into the first Inquisitor from Dathomir he met. Ben takes a moment to recover from the collision and starts to throw punches when he realizes his lightsaber flew across the hallway. 

He dodges the Inquisitor’s lightsaber as best he can, but the Inquisitor manages to nick his elbow at one point. Ben ignores the pain. He tries to call his lightsaber, but it won’t come. 

Ben’s held in a chokehold by the Inquisitor and he can’t believe this is how he’s going to die. 

But there’s a brief pause. 

Rey reaches through the Force. She knows what’s happening. And somehow -- by the grace of Daughter, Father, Son, whoever -- she passes a lightsaber through the Force and he’s able to stab the Inquisitor through the eye. 

An upgrade to the move from the Throne Room, he thinks. 

More powerful than ever before. 

_Seven down_ , he says as he senses Rey kill another. He can sense the change in the Force and knows the last three Inquisitors have converged on Rey in the main atrium. 

He sprints towards her. She fights all three at once and it’s an uneven fight, but Rey more than holds her own. He takes the heat off of her by engaging one of them. 

They work together -- lightsaber and Force together to destroy the last of the Inquisitors. Ben’s certain this is what it must feel like to be the utmost balanced in the Force. 

_Right. Justice. Grace. Balance._

It’s almost an unceremonious end, the way the last body hits the floor with a thud. 

Anti-climactic and so very _normal_.

Ben steps over the bodies to reach Rey, who’s double over and panting. 

“Was that?” 

“The last of them,” he confirms.

Rey attunes herself to Ben in the Force and slows down her breathing to match his. 

“It’s done,” he says. 

He holds her face in his hands and wipes away the mixture of sweat and tears on her face. She grasps at his shirt like she’s afraid he’s not real anymore. 

He kisses her deeply, the same intensity as before. She kisses him back and she snakes her hand around his waist again. With a growl, he pulls away from her. She lets out a sound that resembles a whimper. 

He laughs and walks down the hallway with her hand in his. 

“Where are we going?” Rey asks. 

He laughs again. 

She follows him through the intricate underground of the Senate until he’s pushing her into an abandoned room. 

“Ben!” Rey squeals and it takes her by surprise. 

“I want to finish what you started earlier,” he says, picking her up and setting her on a table. Her legs instinctively wrap around his. He unhooks both their belts with their lightsabers and they fall to the floor with a clang. 

They explore each other with their hands, desperate to touch and feel the other. It’s been too long since they’ve been _alone_. Too much has happened. They’ve been scared and the adrenaline pumping between them has reached an apex. 

The way they touch each other is not the controlled, deliberate touches from before. This is a mess and charged with electricity. Rey’s the first one to tug at Ben’s clothes, prying his shirt off his body. He follows suit, taking off her shirt and unwrapping her breast band.

He leans down and leaves a trail of kisses down her neck, shoulders, and breasts. He continues downward until he’s on his knees in front of her and slipping off her leggings, tossing them aside. 

He presses open her thighs, peppering kisses and bites on her skin so much that it makes her squirm. He looks up at her with dark eyes. 

“Be good for me, Rey. Be still.”

She nods and whines as his tongue moves upwards on her cunt in one slow stroke, but she doesn’t move. She leans back on her forearms to steady herself as Ben alternates fucking her with his fingers and tongue. Rey feels herself getting hot and wants so desperately to move but it’s outweighed by her desire for him to tell her -- 

\-- “You’re a good girl, Rey. You are,” he says and she’s reminded there’s no hiding what she wants. There’s no lying to the other half of her soul. 

“You taste so good, Rey. Like I’ve been waiting for this my whole life. Can you come for me?” Ben whispers against her cunt and she knows she’s clenching around his fingers already. 

“That’s it,” he encourages, “you’re so fucking good, Rey.”

And she comes on his tongue with Ben still licking her clit through the aftershocks. It’s almost too much for her, but he knows just when to pull away. He kisses her again and she tastes himself. She knows how it felt for him to make her come like that. She relishes in it. 

He takes off his pants quickly and slides inside her. She gasps and he kisses her neck, biting it softly. 

“Fuck me, Ben. Please,” she begs. 

He thrusts all the way to the hilt and she wraps her legs tighter around his waist. He holds one of her hips for stability and fucks her hard. Rey feels so full she could burst. It was always supposed to be them, together. She moans and he thrusts harder, his free hand moving to her clit to coax her to orgasm once more. 

“Come on my cock, cyar’ika. Please,” Ben’s eyes lock with hers. His voice is hoarse and desperate. 

She follows his command. He comes soon after, finishing inside her. His thrusts are erratic and he falls into her a bit when the commlink goes off, startling both of them. 

“Great fucking timing,” he comments sarcastically. 

Rey answers the Resistance’s comm with Ben’s cock softening inside her and his come leaking out of her. 

She’s never felt so debauched. Or alive. 

“Rey?” Finn asks over the link. 

“I’m here. We’re alive. They’re all dead,” she says, her tone shaky. 

“Are you okay? You sound out of breath,” he says.

Ben tries not to laugh and Rey swats at him. 

“Sorry, it’s been difficult to fight them.”

“Are you on your way back?” 

“Soon. We’re just....cleaning up here,” she says. 

“Okay. Get to the command center as soon as you can,” Finn switches off the comm. 

Rey and Ben both burst into laughter. 

“Imagine if the Resistance knew we took time during this battle to fuck and that you answered their comm with my come inside of you. What would they say?”

“Nothing good, I think. And that’s why they’ll never know.”

“Rey,” Ben’s tone shifts. He’s serious. She knows it. She doesn’t want to hear what he has to say next. “You know what fate awaits me when we get back there. I just...I just wanted to say I love you and I will always be with you. No matter what happens.”

“Ben,” she notices tears prickle her eyes. She holds them back. 

“There is no death. There is the Force,” he starts. 

“And the Force shall free me,” she finishes and lets the tears fall. 

He embraces her. It’s soft and careful. He dresses her. He fixes her hair to make her look presentable. He dries her tears. 

It’s a slow walk, hand-in-hand, to the command center. 

Poe and Rose meet them at the door. Finn’s off to the side, and Rey is aware it’s because he doesn’t want to hurt Rey. He doesn’t want to be a part of what’s about to happen. 

Few words are exchanged before Ben is being handcuffed by stormtroopers and Rey’s face is hot and anger flows inside of her. She feels Ben reach out in the Force and try to calm her, but she pushes him away violently. She will not let this happen. 

“No. He’s helped you. He got you every bit of intelligence you needed. He saved me. He’s proved himself. Let him go. Let him live,” Rey pleads. 

“Rey, he’s committed too many crimes. He’s the _Supreme Leader_ of the First Order. He’s not innocent, no matter how much you may think he is,” Poe retorts. 

Rey opens her mouth to speak -- to yell, to plead, to beg, to do anything to save Ben from this fate. But he interrupts. 

“Rey, it’s okay. It’s what I deserve. It’s what I told you would happen,” Ben says in a calm, even tone. Rey wonders how he’s acting so calm about this, and she realizes they balance each other even in this. For a fleeting moment, she wonders if this is what every argument would be like for the rest of her life. And then, more sadly -- would they get any chances to argue?

 _We can only hope, cyar’ika. I do love watching you fight fiercely when you know you’re right even if you’re wrong_ , he says through the bond. She’s mollified for a bit and backs off of Poe. 

“His trial is set for a week from today. He’ll be in a cell until then.”

“Let him stay with me. In the Falcon. Or _anywhere_. Please. I’ll be responsible for him. You can put guards outside. I don’t want him to be alone,” Rey says desperately. 

Poe looks between Rey and Ben and seems to finally put pieces together. He looks towards Rose and the others gathered with them. They nod. 

“Okay,” Poe acquiesces, “he can stay with you. But we’re putting guards outside and he does anything, it’s on you.”

“Thank you, Poe.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Poe says solemnly and walks away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments & kudos are very very appreciated. love y'all. 
> 
> follow me on twitter  
> and check out some of my other works you might be interested in:  
>  I heard the bells — for the reylo hallmark movie collection
> 
> want you next to me — a smutty one shot (best friend’s sister/roommates)
> 
> control (to get what I want) — a CNC one shot
> 
> love me at the ungodly hour — an edging/orgasm delay fic


	19. epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “It’s all because of Rey.”
> 
> Leia shakes her head. 
> 
> “If she’s half of your soul, it was partly because of you, too. I knew you couldn’t have lost all the good in you.”
> 
> “She makes me want to be better.”
> 
> “She has that affect on people,” Leia chuckles.

Rey sits down with Poe, Finn, and Rose and her heartbeat is through the roof. She knows there’s a lot to say and there’s a lot of hurt and stress in these stories. 

She knows there’s a lot that hinges upon this conversation.

Rey proceeds to tell them _everything_. Mortis. Daughter. Father. 

_The only thing the darkness loved was the light._

The dyad. 

Balance in the Force. 

Both the Jedi and Sith holocrons. 

How they defeated the Inquisitors. 

She tells them she met him on Batuu. 

She does _not_ tell them exactly what happened on Batuu. 

She answers their questions. She answers their questions about what it felt like. What she was feeling. Why she pushed them away. Why she cares so deeply about Ben. Why there are things he’s done she’ll never forgive -- and nor will he -- but she loves him nonetheless. 

“So you and him...?”

“Soulmates,” she answers. 

“Hm,” Poe makes a noise. 

Finn shifts uncomfortably. 

Rose offers a soft smile and encouragement as best she can. 

Rey thinks it’s an easy conversation. Easier than she anticipated at least. 

Much easier than Ben’s conversation with his mother. 

A guard knocks on Leia’s door, asking permission to let her son in. 

She grants it. 

Ben shuffles in, his eyes pointed downward. 

Leia hugs her son. They’re both tense at first. Too much bad blood and hurt between the two. Too many mistakes and regrets. But they soften. And they sit down. 

And Leia listens. 

Ben decides to tell Leia about everything with Snoke. How he got in his head at a young age and planted so many lies in his head. Ben never thought his parents loved him. 

“I loved you all. I did. I was just so scared and frightened. And then when Luke...” Ben trails off, lost in thought. 

Leia’s eyes soften, but there’s heat behind them. Ben understands it is anger toward her brother for never telling her about Ben. 

“And when I woke up with Luke holding a lightsaber over me, I didn’t know what to do. I ran. And then Snoke destroyed the temple. I cried,” he finishes. 

“He punished me for that, too. When I got back to the Knights of Ren I had to prove myself. I had to kill Ren. I had to kill others, too,” he says, thinking of one of his friends at the Jedi temple. He thought he didn’t have a choice, but he did. Regret bubbles to the surface and it makes him sick. 

_Balance is found in one who faces their own guilt._

And isn’t that what this is? Is this what the trial will be?

“He left me stranded on planets with no resources for days. He punished me. He abused me. He destroyed every part of Ben Solo he could find.”

Leia’s mouth is downturned in a frown, but she says nothing. She lets her son continue. 

“I did terrible things. But I was so manipulated. I thought what Snoke told me to do could solve the hurt in my heart. Could solve my confusion. But I know now he was the one who created that.”

He notices tears stuck behind his eyes. He tries to will them to _stay_ there, but there are a few errant tears that escape. 

“When...when Dad came. I was so lost. I had Snoke so clearly in my head. I wanted it to be over. I wanted to be free. I...I’ve never regretted anything more. I knew then, that you must have loved me. You wouldn’t have sent him to try and save me. He wouldn’t have come if he didn’t love me. And that is my deepest regret. I’m so sorry, Mom,” he weeps, voice cracking and rough. 

Leia cries then. 

“I miss him every day. I have a lot of regrets, too.”

“And then...Rey. I’ve had visions of her my whole life, I just didn’t know it was _her_. And Snoke told us he created a Force bond between us but it wasn’t true. It was already there. We’re a dyad in the Force. Two that are a one. We’re soulmates.”

“She cares about you,” Leia adds. 

“I care about her. Do you know about Mortis? Or the Mortis Gods?” Ben asks. 

Leia shakes her head no. 

“They were the arbitrators of the Force. Father, who controlled it all. Daughter, who ruled the light. Son, who ruled the dark. Your father was charged to bring balance to the Force like Rey and I were. But he couldn’t. On Mortis when they showed him his future, he saw death and destruction. He couldn’t handle it. They wiped his memories of the knowledge instead,” Ben says. 

“But you and Rey?”

“She didn’t go to Mortis, exactly. I did, though. I understand why he couldn’t handle it. It was almost too much to bear. It was awful. But I knew I owed it to Rey. I knew I owed it to you. To the Galaxy. I couldn’t fail.”

Leia wipes away tears from her eyes. 

“Daughter pulled Rey and me into a shared Force vision many times. That’s how Rey saw things. And then the holocrons...”

“I knew she was drawn to the Sith holocron. I was so worried. I thought to myself that I couldn’t bare to lose her to the dark like I lost you.”

“She was drawn to it because of me. Or at least, I think. The dyad. She has equal parts dark and light, but sometimes one can overtake the other. I was given a Jedi holocron. I went to the World Between Worlds--” Ben pauses at Leia’s noticeable confusion, “it’s a series of portals. Through time and space. I met Ahsoka Tano. Grandfather’s padawan. And then Rey and I were able to join the holocrons together to understand balance.”

“And what did the holocrons say?”

“I can’t explain, exactly. It’s more of a _feeling_. But it worked. And the Inquisitors are gone. The First Order is gone.”

“Thank you. I can’t tell you how much it meant to me to see you home.”

“It’s all because of Rey.”

Leia shakes her head. 

“If she’s half of your soul, it was partly because of you, too. I knew you couldn’t have lost all the good in you.”

“She makes me want to be better.”

“She has that effect on people,” Leia chuckles.

“I know they’ll vote to execute me. I was the Supreme Leader. There’s no way they won’t. Rey...Rey doesn’t think that. She’s too damn optimistic for her own good. Please tell me you’ll take care of her after. Please tell me she won’t be alone,” Ben lets the tears fall again and his voice shakes, but he’s firm and serious. 

“I will,” Leia nods. 

She gets up and hugs her son. It’s a long hug. Both squeezing each other so tightly, not wanting to let go. When Leia finally pulls back, she wipes the tears off her son’s face. 

“Rey will be strong. She always has been,” Leia tells him. 

“That’s the problem. I think she doesn’t want to be strong anymore.”

💥💥💥

Ben returns to the Falcon to find Rey awake in one of the cots on board. She stares up at the ceiling, playing with his father’s dice. He startles her as he collapses on the cot next to her. 

“Sorry,” he murmurs against her neck, rooting his face against her, “I interrupted something.”

“No, I was just thinking. That’s all,” she says, and she stretches over him to place the dice on the ground beside them. 

“What were you thinking about?”

“You know what I was thinking about.”

“My cock?” 

“Ben!” Rey admonishes, her cheeks turning bright red. 

“Well, were you?” 

“No, I wasn’t. You know what I was thinking about.”

“Sorry. Trying to lighten the mood,” he says.

“I’m testifying tomorrow,” she mentions. 

“I know. I appreciate it,” he replies. 

“I’ve heard your mother is too,” she adds. 

“I would assume so. She didn’t mention it, though.”

“How was that? You blocked me out,” Rey asks. 

“I needed to be fully present,” he says, peppering kisses on her neck and cheek, “but it was as expected. Difficult. Stressful. But I’m glad I did it.”

“I’m proud of you,” she says. 

“Please don’t be,” he replies. 

“Are you...?” _Nervous. Scared. Worried. Resolved? At peace?_ fill in through the bond. 

“All of the above,” he confirms. 

“Me too,” she responds. 

“If I get out of this. If they let me live. What do you want?” Ben asks. 

“Ben,” she replies. 

“If they let me live, what do you want?”

“You,” she says decidedly, kissing him intensely. 

That evening, Poe, Finn, and Chewie come to the Falcon. Rey cares about them deeply and they wanted to check on her and she appreciates it. 

And Ben does too if he’s honest with himself. The more people that care about Rey, the more he feels okay with the fact that he may not live past the week. 

She’d have people to fall on. She’d be okay, after a while. 

Tensions are high on the ship and Rey does her best to mitigate the fights. She plays a perfect judge and jury and wishes his fate hinged more on her thoughts than anything else. 

Rey suggests they play Dejarik and Ben groans. He was never great at it and has many memories of losing to Chewie and Lando. 

But now he’s overly competitive. Especially when it comes to Poe and Finn, who have hated his presence since Rey brought him here. It’s like he had something so stupid to prove to these people who couldn’t care less about him. 

It’s tense and awkward, until Finn makes a comment that breaks it all down. 

“You cheat the same way as Chewie,” Finn points out to Ben. 

Chewie lets out an offended grunt and Ben does as well. 

“I do _not_ cheat,” Ben insists. 

“You do. You do it the same exact way he does,” Finn counters. 

“Please don’t upset the wookie,” Poe begs. 

Rey laughs at the scene. 

“Chewie taught you how to play, didn’t he?” Rey asks. 

“Of course,” he replies. 

“He taught you how to cheat,” Rey says. 

“He did not. You did not, right?” Ben asks Chewie, suddenly self conscious. 

Chewie shrugs. 

“My whole life has been a lie,” Ben laments. 

After that, it’s a lot lighter in the room. They drink, they laugh, and Rey feels happy everybody she loves is starting to get along. And maybe it’s the alcohol, but Ben and Rey start to be a little bolder in their touches. Rey notices that the boys realize what’s happening, and she can’t bring herself to care.

Ben swoops behind her and leans down. It makes the hair on her arm stand up.

“What are you thinking about now?” he whispers in her ear. 

“Ben,” she says, low and quiet -- just for him. 

_My cock again?_ Ben asks through the bond, teasingly. 

_Benjamin Solo,_ she says through the bond. 

_You were. I saw you staring at me, anyway,_ he says back. 

_Maybe I was,_ she retorts, smirking. 

_Let’s go back to our bunk,_ he asks, his hand on her shoulder 

“I’m exhausted,” Rey announces aloud to the group, “I’m going to bed.”

There’s a chorus of good nights and Rey says the same back.

“I should go to bed too,” Ben says. 

“Good luck tomorrow,” Poe replies. Ben knows Poe doesn’t _totally_ mean it, but the effort means a lot to him regardless. 

“Thank you,” Ben replies and follows Rey to their bunk.

He jogs a bit and catches up to her, hugging her from behind and wrapping his arms around her waist. She giggles and leans into it. 

“I’m scared,” Rey admits when they’ve shut the door. 

“I know. I am too,” he says. 

“What am I going to do if...?” 

“You’ll do what you’ve always done. Survive,” he says, sitting on the bed next to her. She makes a _hmph_ sound but doesn’t reply. 

He begins to kiss her on her shoulder, her arms, everywhere her skin is exposed. He begins to unwrap her arm wraps and pulls the tunic over her head. She’s tired and pliant and leans into him taking care of her. 

Once there’s nothing left but her leggings, she tugs at his shirt. He laughs at her and takes off his shirt and pants, slipping her leggings off of her and kneeling before her. 

“Ben,” she sighs. 

“Shhh. Let me take care of you,” he says. 

She comes quickly on his tongue and she feels like her body is electric. She takes him in her mouth until he pulls her off and lays her down. He settles himself on top of her and fucks her slowly. He savors her and kisses her throughout. 

It hangs heavy in the air, the possibility that tomorrow would not turn out well for him. He doesn’t like to let his eyes leave hers. He makes himself take his time. He imprints the way she looks while he fucks her in his mind forever. He hopes that in the netherworld of the Force he’d still have his memories -- still have the feelings that Rey has granted him. He makes her come again on his cock and he wipes off her thighs after he finishes inside her. 

They curl up together, every inch of each other touching and their legs in tangles -- both barely sleeping through the night, heartbeats too scared and erratic to sleep. 

💥💥💥

The trial takes two weeks all said and done. Ben’s exhausted. Rey’s exhausted. Leia’s exhausted. 

And when the day comes for the tribunal to hand out their sentence, Rey can barely breathe. Ben won’t admit it, but he can’t either. When they walk into the Senate building, the air feels thick and cold. 

Ben knows his eyes look dead as he walks into the tribunal room. He won’t let himself feel anything else. 

“We’ve reached a decision. Benjamin Organa Solo is sentenced to exile. He will not be allowed to enter the Core Worlds ever again. He will be fitted with an implant that will alert us to his location. If he is found in the Core Worlds, he will be executed immediately. He will not be permitted to have any formal position in government. He will not be allowed to participate in any New Republic formal events. He will be allowed one standard week in Coruscant to get his affairs in order and then he will need to leave.”

Ben can feel Rey’s relief through the bond -- and her tears. He knows she can feel his relief as well. His gratitude, his shock -- there was no way in his head he’d survive this. And here he was. Surviving. 

Exile. 

That’s what he deserves, he knows. And he would never want to work in government anyway. That part of his life was over. He just wanted to be able to live without the influence of Snoke or anybody else in his mind. He thought it was a pipe dream, but they were letting him. 

_Grace. Forgiveness._

After the bang of the gavel, Rey rushes into his arms. She sobs and he grasps at her hair, her waist, everything. 

“It’s okay, Rey. It’s okay,” he tries to soothe her. 

His mother taps on his shoulder and Rey pulls away when she notices Leia, allowing Leia to hug her son. 

“Naboo isn’t in the Core,” Leia mentions off-handedly and Ben knows exactly what she means. 

“Are you sure?” Ben asks his mother. 

“Absolutely,” she replies. 

It’s a chaotic week, preparing to leave the Core Worlds forever. But Ben can’t pretend like he isn’t slightly excited for the adventure. 

Rey works hard in assisting the set up of the New Republic with Finn, Rose, and Poe. Poe hates it as much as Ben would if he’s honest -- it’s much more interesting to be a pilot. But Rey thrives. She works hard to ensure fair and equal representation. 

She comes back to the Falcon nightly and discusses with Ben her wins and losses. He’s always there to lend an ear, and he also encourages her to stand up for the Outer Rim. 

“I may not be allowed a voice in government, and I accept that. But we cannot stand by and let the Outer Rim continue on its path. You know this. I know this. They know this. Don’t let them take that from you,” he says. 

“You care about the Outer Rim a lot,” she points out. 

“They have nothing. You had nothing. I don’t want to leave an entire part of the galaxy high and dry. If we do, the New Republic might as well just be the new First Order.”

She kisses him after that. 

It’s three days before he’s supposed to leave when he finally broaches the subject. 

“I know you’ll have a lot of work to do. But I think you’d like Naboo. I hope you’ll come visit me,” he says timidly. 

“Benjamin Solo, you absolute idiot.”

“What?”

“I’m coming with you,” she says. 

“You have so much work to do. I can’t...I can’t let you leave all of this just because you pity me or think I’ll be lonely.”

“I do not pity you. I know I have a lot to do. I’ve done a lot already,” she states. 

“And I’m so proud of you,” he says. 

“And I need a break. So I’ll be coming with you. I might have to travel back and forth after, but I’m going with you.”

“You are?” 

“Of course, Ben. I’ll always want to be with you,” she kisses his cheek. 

“I love you, Rey.”

“I know.”

She scrambles onto his lap and kisses him fiercely.

“I’ve barely seen the galaxy. I want to explore. What’s next?” Rey asks him. 

“I’ll give you anything, cyar’ika. I’ll show you all the stars in the galaxy,” he says, kissing her forehead. 

He makes good on his promise -- they see everything she could have ever dreamed of and some things that she never even thought of. There’s so much of the galaxy they have to see and experience and Rey thinks there’s no one she’d rather do that with than Ben. 

It’s tiring, though, traveling constantly. So when Ben asks her if she’s ready to see Naboo she eagerly agrees. He programs the Falcon to the coordinates and turns on autopilot, taking a nap while they jump through hyperspace. 

Rey steps off the Falcon when they land in Naboo and feels the fresh air hit her face. She’s met with a sea of green and the smell of the salty lake and she turns to Ben and beams. Everything she’d wanted. Everything she’d asked for. Everything she deserves. Everything _they_ deserve. 

_Balance._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you SO MUCH FOR READING! i loved writing this story + it helped me get through a lot of this year. so happy it is finally all out there! i'm in the middle of writing a dark rey fic which i'll start posting soon if you're into that :) 
> 
> follow me on twitter  
> and check out some of my other works you might be interested in:  
>  I heard the bells — for the reylo hallmark movie collection
> 
> want you next to me — a smutty one shot (best friend’s sister/roommates)
> 
> control (to get what I want) — a CNC one shot
> 
> love me at the ungodly hour — an edging/orgasm delay fic


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